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Guest ASchwartz

I know DavidO and all the other excellent moderators we have will continue their excellent work while I am away for the next week. I will be travelling a lot and will not be able to be Online.

See you all soon.

Allan:)

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No... No... it just means Mark is given the wrong address across town where he can hear badly written Redneck lines:

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.

Artery - The study of paintings

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria

Barium - what doctors do when patients die

Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan - searching for kitty

Cauterize - made eye contact with her

Colic - a sheep dog

coma- a punctuation mark

D & C - Where Washington is

Dilate - to live long

OK-- nuff said!

Edited by David O
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The cat not only thinks your crazy, but even believes it is a captive or slave:

CAT THOUGHTS

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Edited by David O
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This Old Cat

I'm getting on in years,

My coat is turning gray.

My eyes have lost their luster,

My hearing's just okay.

I spend my day dreaming

Of conquests in my past,

Lying near a sunny window

Waiting for its warm repast.

I remember our first visit,

I was coming to you free,

Hoping you would take me in

And keep me company.

I wasn't young or handsome,

Two years I'd roamed the street.

There were scars upon my face,

I hobbled on my feet.

I could sense your disappointment

As I left my prison cage.

Oh, I hoped you would accept me

And look beyond my age.

You took me out of pity,

I accepted without shame.

Then you grew to love me,

And I admit the same.

I have shared with you your laughter,

You have wet my fur with tears.

We've come to know each other

Throughout these many years.

Just one more hug this morning

Before you drive away,

And know I'll think about you

Throughout your busy day.

The time we've left together

Is a treasured time at that.

My heart is yours forever.

I Promise - This old cat.

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Actually, my cat probably does think she's a captive. I brought her back when I moved home from Russia on a 14 hour adventure. She's pretty much able to meow in English now but purring in English can be such a challenge!! :)

And she's really mad about the nerve I had to bring that blasted kitten into HER house!!

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Perhaps she's really a spy, sending coded purr messages home to Mother Russia using whisker antennas. That's why she still purrs in Russian. The kitten is an agent of our government trying to catch her at it, and that's the true source of the animosity.

Yes, I'm sober; why do you ask? ;-)

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