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16 year old pedophile - reposted from new members section


rädsla
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I am 16 years old, and I've been having thoughts about younger children since I was 14.

I really don't know what I can do to make myself stop having these thoughts; everything I've tried seems to make it worse. Please help me, help myself - and possibly save a child.

-rädsla

Edited by rädsla
too graphic!
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I really need help, please someone, I'll appreciate anything!

I just read on some website that therapists are required to report you to authorities if you tell them you're a pedophile, if that's true I'm most certainly not going.

Something I consider an evil gift of mine is the ability to persuade others - this time I've actually managed to persuade a friend of mine to let me babysit with her, knowing full well what I might do to him (I'm not sure if I'm just really good at getting what I want, or if my friend is an idiot, but either way).

I really can't live my life like this, it conflicts with everything :-/

Edited by rädsla
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Ok, first off, To my knowledge being a pedophile isn't against the law, so I would doubt that a therapist could report a person who was, unless the person said they have molested children and plan on doing it again.

Second, you need to distance yourself from children if you think you will touch them sexually. If you really hate what you are so much, and know you are wrong in getting your friend to let you help her babysit, then you should be able to not go through with it.

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I should be able to distance myself but I can't. This is a bad analogy but it's sort of like eating at McDonald's- you know their food is bad for you, but it tastes so good. That's what it's like for me. I feel horrible about it after, but I just get so caught up in how 'satisfying' it is, I can't stop myself.

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  • 1 month later...

Hey there,

I am going to be frank with you , and blunt. First thing that I am going to tell you is that I have a 16 yr old son.

Now I am going to let you know that you have way too much time on your hands to be surfing the internet , and looking at child porn. One thing you ought to be aware of is that their are detectives, and police officers who work undercover on these sites , to catch those who prey on little children, and look at those sites. Are you aware of that? + once you have visited those sites on the internet, it is stored on your computor forever, therefoe, if you ever, act upon your impulses or desires for little boys, the authorites will confiscate your computor and build a case against you , in regards to your visited internet porn sites, of little kids.

Your headed for some deep trouble, I am sorry but , I have to forewarn you. Please get professional help, because you truely need it. IMO, this is the most perverted , disturbing thread I have read on here. Only telling you because of the nature of your issue.

When you do act upon your desires, which I now am afraid that u may have already , after writing about your babysitting job. Blaming the parent for allowing you to babysit? She trusted you ! I am certain she had no idea what you true desires were, and that you are a potentiel dangerous kid .

STAY AWAY from little boys, you definately have what all I can decribe as disgusting, perverted , thoughts and desires.

If you do not recieve help now, then your future hangs in the balance, as well as your freedom.

i am not fond of peverted teenaged boys with too much time on their hands to fantasise . CAn you imangine what kind of pain and hurt you would cause to a little chidl? How about the parents?

Were you abused sexually as a young boy? I always wondered what made a young man attracted to this type of thing? I do not understand it, I have no pitty for you, Only to the small children who you come in contact with. I fear for their safety.

DO YOU know that you could damage a child for the rest of his life? For acting out your desires? Does that matter to you?

Sorry , but this is jsut to sickening . Get some help. Maybe their is time for you to recognise that your in some serious , major , sick , kind of shit. :mad:

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OK I WASNT GOING TO REPLY TO THIS POST. AND FOR THE PAST HOUR ITS BEEN A BATTLE OF WILLS FOR ME

I THINK I UNDERSTAND ROUGHLY WHAT IM ALLOWED TO SAY ON THIS SITE, AND FOR NO OTHER REASON OTHER THAN THE RESPECT I HAVE FOR MY FRIENDS HERE I WILL KEEP THIS POST AS POLITE AND RESPECTFUL AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

I AM A SURVIVER OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE.

Do you want to know how much pain and suffering peadophiles cause to children. How it ruins and controls there mind for the rest of their life. How you can never forget. How often what happened plays over and over in your mind. Constantly torturing you. Making you feel so dirty, so disgusting, so unclean, that even scrubbing your flesh with bleach does'nt erase the stain. How many times and many ways you attempt to kill yourself, coz that is the only way you can get the evil out. How peadophiles take the soul from your heart that can never be replaced. I could go on, coz ive had decades of paying for what happened to me. My sister killed herself to escape the memories of peadophiles.

I AM A MOMA WITH A LOVELY FAMILY

I am a moma with four very young children, I would do anything and everything possible to protect my babies, throughout their childhood and their adult hood. I will do all i can to keep my children safe and away from peadophiles, rapists or any other person that is a potential harm to them and their well being. I am a very good mother, and because of this i am going to now do something that i never thought that, i would be capeable of or ever be able to do.

I AM GOING TO TRY AND HELP YOU

I truely hope that is your real reason for becoming a member of this comminity.

I understand that you are 16 years of age, so i will keep this as simple as i can, as in the eyes of the law you are still a minor, still a child yourself.

You need proffesional help and guidance, The first thing you need to do is be brave, you need to go to your doctor, tell the doctor what has been happening, about the thoughts you are experiencing, the doctor will be able to help you , you need to do this. It will take a lot of courage, but you have this courage inside of you, you have shown that by being able to write the things you have here.

You need to distance yourself from children, never put yourself in a possition where you are responsible for their care. Aviod the temptation.

We as a community will help you the best we can, but for any of our help to be of any value, you have to try and help yourself thinking in the way you do.

Please see your doctor

Jj

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Hey there,

One thing you ought to be aware of is that their are detectives, and police officers who work undercover on these sites , to catch those who prey on little children, and look at those sites. Are you aware of that?

Your headed for some deep trouble, I am sorry but , I have to forewarn you. Please get professional help, because you truely need it.

Blaming the parent for allowing you to babysit? She trusted you ! I am certain she had no idea what you true desires were, and that you are a potentiel dangerous kid .

STAY AWAY from little boys, you definately have what all I can decribe as disgusting, perverted , thoughts and desires.

Can you imangine what kind of pain and hurt you would cause to a little chidl? How about the parents?

Were you abused sexually as a young boy?

DO YOU know that you could damage a child for the rest of his life? For acting out your desires? Does that matter to you?

Yes, I am aware of that. For all I know the FBI could be headed for my door right now. Are drug dealers aware that weed is illegal? It doesn't it any easier for me.

I realize I am headed for trouble, which is why I came here.

I was not blaming there parent, just saying that I was able to manipulate a friend of mine who was already babysitting in to letting me join (but that never happened and I've never seen this boy so he wasn't hurt).

No, I was never abused.

Yes I can imagine how it would hurt them, that's why I want help.

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OK I WASNT GOING TO REPLY TO THIS POST. AND FOR THE PAST HOUR ITS BEEN A BATTLE OF WILLS FOR ME

I THINK I UNDERSTAND ROUGHLY WHAT IM ALLOWED TO SAY ON THIS SITE, AND FOR NO OTHER REASON OTHER THAN THE RESPECT I HAVE FOR MY FRIENDS HERE I WILL KEEP THIS POST AS POLITE AND RESPECTFUL AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

I AM A SURVIVER OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE.

Do you want to know how much pain and suffering peadophiles cause to children. How it ruins and controls there mind for the rest of their life. How you can never forget. How often what happened plays over and over in your mind. Constantly torturing you. Making you feel so dirty, so disgusting, so unclean, that even scrubbing your flesh with bleach does'nt erase the stain. How many times and many ways you attempt to kill yourself, coz that is the only way you can get the evil out. How peadophiles take the soul from your heart that can never be replaced. I could go on, coz ive had decades of paying for what happened to me. My sister killed herself to escape the memories of peadophiles.

I AM A MOMA WITH A LOVELY FAMILY

I am a moma with four very young children, I would do anything and everything possible to protect my babies, throughout their childhood and their adult hood. I will do all i can to keep my children safe and away from peadophiles, rapists or any other person that is a potential harm to them and their well being. I am a very good mother, and because of this i am going to now do something that i never thought that, i would be capeable of or ever be able to do.

I AM GOING TO TRY AND HELP YOU

I truely hope that is your real reason for becoming a member of this comminity.

I understand that you are 16 years of age, so i will keep this as simple as i can, as in the eyes of the law you are still a minor, still a child yourself.

You need proffesional help and guidance, The first thing you need to do is be brave, you need to go to your doctor, tell the doctor what has been happening, about the thoughts you are experiencing, the doctor will be able to help you , you need to do this. It will take a lot of courage, but you have this courage inside of you, you have shown that by being able to write the things you have here.

You need to distance yourself from children, never put yourself in a possition where you are responsible for their care. Aviod the temptation.

We as a community will help you the best we can, but for any of our help to be of any value, you have to try and help yourself thinking in the way you do.

Please see your doctor

Jj

I realize what it can do to a child, as I said before, which is why I want help.

I don't want to hurt your or anyone else's children but I can't say I haven't thought about it. When I look at a kid I don't think of it as hurting them, I just think of it as fun. But when I'm back in my proper mindset, I do realize what it could do.

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Hi rädsla,

Welcome to the community, it seems others have already been welcoming you in fairly strong and straightforward language. I'm not prone to brief responses, but there's little I can add to the excellent wisdom already presented.

While I'm glad you've come on board, I very strongly encourage you to seek professional help ASAP (don't let writing in here replace the real need to see someone).

I ran a 42 bed cottage for violent offenders (ages 9-18) for 5 years--- the most severely abused (repeated beatings, hospitalizations, attempts on their life, sexually assaulted) were 2 classes of people, molesters and narcs. I'm aware that this is of limited consequence to most who will do what they feel driven to do (as noted in the scared straight series that had no outcomes), but my hope is this alone will compel you to see someone soon, before you do hurt someone.

It's Monday, my recommendation is that you make a call today to a local mental health center, psych hospital, private practice therapist, psychiatrist, etc. Your parents don't have to be involved in this, but their support is extremely helpful, and given your age and situation, you may solely qualify for CHIPS (Children's Health Insurance), which is a federally funded program.

Finally, as stated in my pm to you, please be aware that there are many survivors of sexual abuse on this forum and limit the level of sexually explicit detail as much as possible.

rädsla, I realize I may have come off as a bit harsh and others have also been fairly straight with you. The last thing I want is for you to decide this is not the place for you b/c of our reactions/responses. We want you to stay and become a member of the "family", I think there is plenty of wisdom, compassion, understanding and sensitivity on here that as we get to know you and you us, it may be a healing part of your life as it has for so many. Please write back and let us know your thoughts.

Regards,

david

Edited by David O
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I know I came accross as rather harsh, and very blunt in my resonse to you. However, I do beleive that you really want to get help for yourself. For this, I respect you, for at least recognizing that their is a serious problem, and wanting to do something about it. I commend you for wanting to change. You can recieve help , and I hope you will act ASAP , as David O gave you terrific resources.

I am gald that nothing happened or occured , from the babysitting incident.

I will let you know why I was so harsh in my response.

I am a retired preschool teacher of over 20 years experience. One major responsibility was to always protect our little one from danger at all times, we also signed a legal paper stating that we are required by law to report any sign or type of child abuse . I have witnessed children taking from our preschool center who had been beatend and abused . Child Protective service, took pictures, and took the children into protective custody.

I am also a child absue survivior > Still have major affects on my life to this day. A grown woman in my 40's.

My disabled son, he is your age, A kid who was older then him, MOLESTED him . Forced him to due sexual things, and HURT MY BAby > my son , who is delayed, and autistic, was sexually abused , by a boy .

NOW , I am certain you can now understand my reaction towards your posts.

The big difference in you is that you want to get help. This is something that I hope you do.

mscat

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rädsla

You are welcome to post here IF you can follow the community rules. Since you appear to be new, we will cut you some slack here for now.

The big rule you need to follow is that you must not post anything containing a graphic depiction in words or pictures or via any method of pedophilic actions or fantasies. This is not a random rule. We ask all community members to refrain from posting extreme and graphic depictions of sexual acts/fantasies, violent acts/fantasies and other acts/fantasies that are likely to trigger community members.

Here is the other thing - the content of your preoccupation is, unfortunately, very triggering to a number of people who post here. A number of people here have been sexually abused, and the nature of what you are talking about - which is inherently abusive - is going to set some people off.

Here is how to post safely:

DO NOT post graphic depictions of your fantasy life or anything having to do with pedophilia. It's okay to say the word pedophilia and to talk about it so long as you are not talking about it with praise (and you do not appear to be doing that), but no description or detail of the content of your fantasies.

DO mark the title of your posts with a *TRIGGER* warning so that anyone who might read the material and get upset is forewarned to avoid it.

Otherwise, welcome to our community, which i hope will be helpful to you, and vice versa.

This is the most difficult issue to talk about that I can think of. You are entering here with two strikes against you simply because you want to talk about pedophilia - it's that triggering and that inherently abusive. But I do recognize that people who are troubled by this issue need a place to talk about it, and this can be such a place if you are sincere in your desire to seek help and if you play by the rules I've outlined.

Mark

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Thank you everyone for responding, I told my mom I wanted to start therapy (refused to say why) and she set up an appointment for me this Friday.

In response to OCDmom, I really don't do anything besides that. Around February I started to feel extremely depressed and couldn't bare to leave the house, so I started home schooling. Since then, I hardly ever do anything besides watch TV and surf the 'net. It's become even worse now that I moved and my closet friend lives about 30 minutes away, see even if I wanted to do something, there's not really much I can do. I thought about going to school, but when I switched to home schooling, some of my classes also changed which aren't available in regular high school, so going back would mean spending an extra 2 years or so in high school. I want to go do stuff, but I can't think of anything to do.:)

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rädsla

You are welcome to post here IF you can follow the community rules. Since you appear to be new, we will cut you some slack here for now.

The big rule you need to follow is that you must not post anything containing a graphic depiction in words or pictures or via any method of pedophilic actions or fantasies. This is not a random rule. We ask all community members to refrain from posting extreme and graphic depictions of sexual acts/fantasies, violent acts/fantasies and other acts/fantasies that are likely to trigger community members.

Here is the other thing - the content of your preoccupation is, unfortunately, very triggering to a number of people who post here. A number of people here have been sexually abused, and the nature of what you are talking about - which is inherently abusive - is going to set some people off.

Here is how to post safely:

DO NOT post graphic depictions of your fantasy life or anything having to do with pedophilia. It's okay to say the word pedophilia and to talk about it so long as you are not talking about it with praise (and you do not appear to be doing that), but no description or detail of the content of your fantasies.

DO mark the title of your posts with a *TRIGGER* warning so that anyone who might read the material and get upset is forewarned to avoid it.

Otherwise, welcome to our community, which i hope will be helpful to you, and vice versa.

This is the most difficult issue to talk about that I can think of. You are entering here with two strikes against you simply because you want to talk about pedophilia - it's that triggering and that inherently abusive. But I do recognize that people who are troubled by this issue need a place to talk about it, and this can be such a place if you are sincere in your desire to seek help and if you play by the rules I've outlined.

Mark

Sorry about the graphic descriptions, I'll be more careful from now on.

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I'd just like to say, to anyone who was offended or hurt by what I said, I am truly very sorry. I never even considered that a victim of child abuse might read what I posted and be upset by it.

The reason I was so graphic was because I was just trying to get everything out there, hoping someone would understand what I was going through and be able to help me with it.

Again, I really am sorry if I've hurt you, I'll be more careful from now on.

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Thank you radsla for apologizing. We're still here for you.

Do you like tinkering with stuff? Do you know Tinkerbell? She loves to find lost things and turn them into something useful. I am kind of like that, although I am no expert, just a beginner. Maybe at this stage I am more like a pack rat because I think twice before throwing away something and then end up storing some of them for awhile. When I see a tin can or an empty plastic bottle or an unused dinnerware, I try to think about what I could do with them to make them useful again.

Just a few days ago, I surfed this trash-into-treasure website where I saw how I can turn a tin can into a tea light holder. I've started to prepare for it, though I haven't gotten around doing it yet. The tin can is still in my freezer with frozen water. :(

Anyway, I hope you got the picture. Maybe you could put your imagination into better use this way, or something like it.

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Thank you radsla for apologizing. We're still here for you.

Do you like tinkering with stuff? Do you know Tinkerbell? She loves to find lost things and turn them into something useful. I am kind of like that, although I am no expert, just a beginner. Maybe at this stage I am more like a pack rat because I think twice before throwing away something and then end up storing some of them for awhile. When I see a tin can or an empty plastic bottle or an unused dinnerware, I try to think about what I could do with them to make them useful again.

Just a few days ago, I surfed this trash-into-treasure website where I saw how I can turn a tin can into a tea light holder. I've started to prepare for it, though I haven't gotten around doing it yet. The tin can is still in my freezer with frozen water. :(

Anyway, I hope you got the picture. Maybe you could put your imagination into better use this way, or something like it.

I like tinkering with electronics, but that can be an expensive hobby. It seems like anything I'd like we really can't afford (which I know isn't true, but it's not my money so there's not much I can do about it).

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As a fellow electronics tinkerer in high school, a hobby like that spells: part-time job! :-) Added advantage: less internet time, other humans, and ... your own money!

I've been looking for a job, but no one with in walking distance of my house is hiring and I can't get my license until March.

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Mmm, I understand. I used to scrounge resistors and caps out of old electronics, though they were rarely the right values. ;-)

Another thought would be learning a programming language, or another one. That occupied enough of my hobby time that I ended up getting a job in computers later; I majored in Biology. :-)

The point is that, if you're determined, there's bound to be something else you can do with your time.

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