Worried About My Boys

[Smith222]

I am 44 years and this is my story. When I was 13 I noticed I had an unusually small penis. Every day I was saying to myself don’t worry it will grow… much to my horror it never did and it consumed my thoughts every day like a very bad dream. As a teenager I was constantly comparing myself to my friends looking for someone who was the same. They were all bigger and that’s when I knew I was not normal. I quit all the sports I loved as to not have to take showers with the others and be humiliated as when it is placid it is just one inch long, 4.5 inches erect. Going to the toilet was also a problem as I always went into the vacant cubicles and if that was not possible I would just hold it in. I wore cloths to hide it and basically was severely depressed over it crying myself to sleep on many occasions asking why me. It affected my maturity as well, I was so consumed with the problem I was not aware of the other social things most teenagers think about as they grow up. My confidence was completely shattered but I managed to hide it from everyone as best as I could. I began to take drugs and started drinking heavily. I contemplated suicide but could not gather the guts to go through with it.

Girls were attracted to me as I was a very good looking which compounded the problem. I was always finding ways to avoid any chance of a sexual encounter. Then I met a girl who I liked and when the day came for sex I was a complete mess. I cried in her arms and did not tell her why so she obviously realized I was screwed up and then understood why when she saw it. She had been with a few boys before and dumped me the next day. I then met a younger girl who was 16, I was 17. She never had a sexual encounter and we fell in love and I had the same painful moment with her the first time we did it. I had to explain I was small and that hopefully she was ok with it. It was humiliating beyond words. To my horror she started to laugh. I thought ok this is the end again… but to my surprise she thought I was crazy to worry about that and we spent the next 3 years together. That was the best thing to ever happen to me as it did wonders for my confidence and self worth and my social life as a whole.

I still had friends make jokes occasionally. One time we were out partying and this guy just came out and said hey look he has a really small dick pointing at my crotch, in front of all the people in the room. I was also with some friends one time having lunch and one of the girls said, “I really feel sorry for you”, I said why?…she said you have really small hands which means you have a small penis. Another time I overheard a girl say to another friend she couldn’t understand how my girlfriend was with me as I had a small dick.

Then came the day I was expecting…my girlfriend broke up with me. I do know however that it wasn’t because of my penis but I cried for about a month. I thought I would never get over it and find another girl who did not worry about penis size. A few years passed with the same sick feeling of not being a competent sexual partner with a few more girls dumping me and then bingo! I find a great girl who doesn’t care. She loves me for who I am, a very sensitive loving caring friend with a huge heart. I ask her to marry me as soon as possible as I was not going to let her slip away. She said yes.

A few years pass and we have children. I was praying for girls as I didn’t want a boy for obvious reasons. I now have 2 boys who are 11 and 13 years. They are like me, small. So now I worry about them every day and I am scared they may not cope. I was wondering if anybody knows if there is something I can do that would maybe allow them to grow a larger penis?

[finding my way]

Smith 222, welcome to the community:). Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have found your path in all of this, yet are still afraid to trust it when it comes to your sons. Isn't the best thing to pass on to them the truth that they are fine just as they are? Maybe you have a little more healing to do before you can do that, but that would be an awesome gift from their father.

[Smith222]

Thank you for the kind words however it does not take away from the fact that growing up with a small penis is extremely distressing. men who have a normal penis simply don't understand what it's like. You would think with all the advancements in medicine someone would come up with a fix to this problem that destroys lives. I was lucky in the end but it was nothing short of a journey through hell. I desperately don't want my boys to go through what I went through.

Edited August 30, 2009 by Smith222

[David O]

Good morning Smith222,

Finding my way is absolutely right!!! A discussion regarding their penis size could inadvertently set them up for developing self images around their penis that create unnecessary struggles for them. The best you can give them is to create within them a realistic, positive, strong sense of self thru the five “R’s”—respect, rules, roles, responsibilities, and realistic expectations, and about loving others and themselves! This may be what gives them the emotional resources and strength to deal with issues differently than you have had to.

As to those who like to joke about your penis size, I would smile real big, look them straight in the eye and say: "yeah... but I can lick my eyebrows!:eek:" then look away as if it was nothing.

Good luck!

Edited August 30, 2009 by David O

[Smith222]

Thanks David O for your comment. You make good sense and I will take it on board. My boys are very well grounded and live in a very good home with plenty of positive good values we teach them daily including alot of love. I certainly won't be sitting them down soon and start talking about it, with different options how to go forward, that would destroy them. However you can bet that it won't be long before someone else lets them know they are not very well equipped. And it won't be long before they see that they are different to most if not all the boys around them. I find it hard to imagine how anybody can handle that situation in a positive way no matter how emotionally balanced they are. When your manlyhood stays the size of a 10 year old you quickly realise nature has delt you a cruel blow. It's really that simple. I will keep looking for a solution as I believe the best chance of fixing the problem is while they are still growing.

[David O]

Smith222,

Just one final thought-- there is no known, effective medical treatment for this. Of the the few that are available (Jelqing, clamping, stretching and hanging, inflatable implants, penis enlargement surgery), none has been found to be completely effective for most men. Some even result in loss of sensation... which in the end could be a worse fate. Of men who have had medical procedures performed, 50-70% are highly dissatisfied with the end result.

I think that rather than looking for the Holy Grail, it might be best to equip them with their "fate" by doing what you're already doing-- creating a nurturing environment that results in a strong sense of self and emotional resilience. This is their only real defense against insensitive statements made by others, or the development beliefs about themselves that interfere with rich relationship development.

You must be careful not to give them your unfinished business-- but do be available should they show signs of struggling. You must also be careful not to fix this for them, as this may serve to only highlight the issue.

[Smith222]

No offense to anyone here, you have all had some very nice comments however I believe that all the people who have posted on this subject here and all the other threads on SPS and do not have a small penis have no clue as to what it is like... and especially what it takes to feel better about it. There is nothing you can say in any way shape or form that will make a man with a small penis feel better. The ONLY thing that will help a man get over the pain is to get a larger penis. I would pay anything to get a larger penis for several reasons.

1. I could wear anything and feel confident as a man for the first time in my life. I wouldn’t need to spend a lot of time when I buy new clothing making sure it doesn’t reveal too much. Any clothing that is slightly tighter reveals I have no dick. The embarrassment of this is so profound people just don't get it. It hits at the core of what being a normally proportioned man is.

2. I could go to the beach or swim at a friend’s pool without the agonizing fear of someone noticing (actually if I am wearing a bathing suit it shows period) and saying, “hey he really has no dick whatsoever". So I never go swimming because I am completely embarrassed and I feel very uncomfortable in that situation…and I love swimming. I would love to be free and go swimming.

3. I could play the sports I love and not worry about having a shower with the guys after the game. Not having been able to being a part of that mate ship tears me apart, and has killed all my confidence. And believe me if I did decide to join the team you can bet any money I would be the subject of extremely humiliating comments. My team mates would be some of my closer friends and it would surely be a subject of conversation between them. Hey look at that my 8 year old has a bigger penis! Humiliating beyond anyone’s understanding who doesn’t have a small penis.

4. Have confidence for the first time ever. I have never felt what it’s like to walk into a room feeling confident within myself.

Apart from the nightmare of finding a lover there are many other examples which I could give you but I think you get the message. For the record I am 1 inch flaccid and 4.5 inches erect. No amount of profound analysis of social reality will make me feel better. No amount of positive thinking and being prepared with cutely arranged comeback lines will help me feel comfortable about walking into a sports change room and take my cloths off in front of other men before I take a shower. So until there is a physical cure there will never be psychological peace for those who are affected. I will never get over it and I know all those who are affected like myself will never get over it either. Gees that quote will ruffle a few feathers of the administrators… If there is anyone out there that has found peace and like some have put it “been healed” of this so called syndrome and they have my penis dimensions I would really like to know. Actually anyone could post anything so I wouldn’t believe it anyway, it’s just not possible. I just wish there was a simple successful penis enlargement operation as easily as women get breast implants…imagine… these posts would not exist and we could all move on…

Edited September 1, 2009 by Smith222

[David O]

Hi Smith222,

I hear you loud and clear and I can't imagine anything like what you're going thru. You're very right, no amount of witty comebacks, fast talk, positive self statements or anything we say will give you that peace. I do know a bit about being an outsider, I have my story of Juan (a pseudonym I use), which is a condensed version of my life as an outsider. It started when we left a brutal dictatorship (most of us were raped, beaten, shot) as a teen to emigrate to the US and worked as migrants in the cotton, watermelon, grapes, onion, garlic, potato, and lettuce fields. We were poor, unlike the poverty any existing American recognizes. We lived in tents and bathed in man made canals at the foot of the fields. We were, according the "White people" the "cebolleros (onion pickers was the term for migrants)". We were black from working 14 hour days in the sun and dirty as pigs, wreaked of onions and garlic, and dressed like poor gypsies. Here is what I recall:

1) Our skin color and dress immediately identified us as different "wetbacks" so we were not allowed into stores.

2) In stores where we were allowed in, it was only one "spic" or "greaser" at a time

3) Clerks would not look us in the eye and would give us change by tossing it on the counter so they didn't have to touch us

4) We were followed around by store staff to make sure we didn't steal

5) the "White and Black kids" would periodically gang up on any of us who were not traveling in numbers... so I have my share of >100 ass whoopings b/c of my skin color and what I represented,

6) No one would hire us except as field hands

7) The police would frequently stop us b/c we were walking in town-- often to arrest us for loitering or b/c we were in the "wrong side of town"

8) In school I tested as having an IQ of 86-- that placed in classes with others having borderline intellectual functioning to those with mental retardation (we were called morons). Most of us non-English speaking people were seen as retarded and there was now the added stigma attached to being a "spic...wetback...greaser...fuckwad... moron...retard...scumbag...... etc."

9) Frequently, bands of "white" guys would travel in pick-up trucks, stopping us when we were walking from school or on our way to work, to give us our daily or weekly beating with bats and sticks.

There is so much more to add to this story... there are the countless rapes by the federal soldiers, the countless beatings, the being forced to hurt each other to survive, the severe poverty, hunger, and sicknesses b/c we had no healthcare.

I would never pretend to understand your situation b/c I know it's painful, and I would never want to diminish it and how it has affected your life. Smith222, you can debate this with me/us and tell us we don't understand and even insist that I'm completely insensitive, cruel and malicious; but, what I will say is that the issue is not your penis, just like my issues are not what was done to me/us (although I have had severe PTSD symptoms in the past), it is in how we have processed and worked thru this in our life. Your penis is your penis: my trauma is my trauma-- however, these events do not define me (although they do partially shape me) any more than your penis defines you. The focus thus becomes one of how you've chosen to live your life around it, what values and beliefs you've attached to the situation, and how you may impart this view to your children. It may also be how you've permitted/chosen penis size to be the definitive measure of your totality, and thus could also ensure that it becomes how your children define themselves. Finally, it seems that you may have allowed others views of you (thru your penis size) to supersede and even create your self definition deep into your adult years (where you are more able to differentiate what others say about you from what you decide who you really are), even after you've made a life with 2 children and have a wife who loves you for who and what you are.

Please understand that my response is not intended to be difficult and mean-spirited or insensitive. I'm trying to understand, share a small part of my experience and then challenge you as I have myself, to look at it again and again and again. I say all of this with respect for how emotionally damaging both of our lives have been.

On the lighter side, thru all of this, I have been married twice (still married to my 2nd wife)-- both times to a "White" woman. It seems I've moved passed much of my issues now and that I found 2 women who could love me for who and what I was.

Please write back and let me know your thoughts.

Edited September 1, 2009 by David O

[Smith222]

David O

I am shocked at what you have been through. To have people treat other people in such a way, especially the cruel beatings must have been terrifying. There was obviously a serious cultural meltdown of violence and persecution that I hope is no longer present.

My penis is a physical characteristic or should I say flaw in my genetics. Do I feel like an outsider? Maybe, I don’t know. Do I feel it defines me? Yes, I think, maybe, I don’t know either. All I am trying to say is that to completely overcome this unfortunate situation…which is the idea for all who are sharing their experiences and thoughts on this website…that there needs to be a physical solution.

I don’t feel any of you have said anything mean-spirited or insensitive. Quite the contrary, you are all trying to help, that’s great. It’s just that a lot of it seems complicated… I am a guy with an abnormally small dick and I have been sad about it for many reasons which I explained. That’s all, simple. I have dealt with it, which wasn’t easy, I’m just very angry (obviously). I don’t want my boys to go through what I went through. The pain and social trauma is almost not worth living, that’s what most don’t understand. Unfortunately it looks like there will be nothing I can do about it except try to somehow nurture them with good values and beliefs. It will help yes but in the end they will no doubt be depressed and self conscious and struggle through their teenage years and beyond unless a discovery in a procedure is available.

I know most who visit this site probably have a small penis and are looking for answers. The problem is there are not many of us out there with a SP, very few actually. That is probably why a procedure has not been researched more. Also the subject is very taboo. Most with the condition will go to extreme lengths to hide it let alone talk about it with anybody.

My advice for all the guys out there who are not coping is this, and I hope this doesn’t offend anybody, I’m not a doctor and may be a little insensitive:

1. Life has dealt you a cruel blow and there is nothing you can do about it. There is no sense to keep crying as it will not make things any better. Have your cry and then get back up and carry on to the best of your abilities. It’s hard, yes I know… there are good days and bad days but there is no alternative...you need to keep marching on. Remember there are people who know you well… who love you, your family etc and you must never forget that. Even if you have no family there would be people who know you and would care alot if you were hurt.

2. Get a girlfriend. I know this is the most difficult part. There are women out there that care more about good personality and your friendship and love over the size of your penis. Even if you are 3 inches erect you can find someone, trust me I know. There are not many but they are out there. I had many disappointments before I met my wife (about 20 or so) but I kept my head up and didn’t stop because there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life alone feeling sorry for myself. Finding a partner who accepts you as you are is the most important thing in all this to stop most of the bleeding.

And maybe one day there will be procedure we can all safely have.

Peace to all!!!

Edited September 2, 2009 by Smith222

[Smith222]

KiskPioke

Hi welcome...

Obviously you are angry that you have a small dick as well.

Commiserations.

[David O]

David O

My penis is a physical characteristic or should I say flaw in my genetics. Do I feel like an outsider? Maybe, I don’t know. Do I feel it defines me? Yes, I think, maybe, I don’t know either. All I am trying to say is that to completely overcome this unfortunate situation…which is the idea for all who are sharing their experiences and thoughts on this website…that there needs to be a physical solution.

Hi Smith,

I'm hearing you offer hope to others, and understanding and compassion. I think you've been remarkably brave and strong.

I don't want to be difficult and argumentative about this, I know all too well that some advice is no advice and that sometimes this "no" advice can actually become damaging advice. So I'll offer my best, all the while knowing that you are aware I speak from a life of great personal difficulties and hurdles.

Your comment: "Do I feel it defines me? Yes, I think, maybe, I don’t know either," is somewhat telling as it's less equivocal than your previous post. Also, you offer great wisdom, advice and support for others.

May I suggest you pick up and learn to use the TEA form, which others have alluded to on this forum, and carefully look at it. It may lead you to a different conclusion about self definition.

As always, good luck-- and I speak to you from a point of great respect and humility for what you've been thru.

David

[nearlydead]

I am 45, and my life has been ruined as a result of unfortunatley being born with a 4" penis.

My question to the OP is, as a man with a small penis, and knowing what that has ment to your life, why would you then go and breed? I just do not understand this level of selfishness. If people like me and you stop breeding, then the small cock and all the crap that having one brings would dissappear.

As it is you have selfishly decided to breed, probably for your own prospects of getting some happiness, and in so doing taken a chance that your offspring will have as crap a life as yourself. Shame on you.

[David O]

nearlydead,

Maybe it would be better if you rephrased your question to: "Knowing you had a small penis and that you could pass it on to your children, how did you go about making the decision to go ahead and have children?" This would lead to a real discussion and not condemnation.

nearlydead.... is there anything you can add to this discussion?

Edited September 25, 2009 by David O

[nearlydead]

I feel that the OP must be condemed for his actions. He knowingly made the decision to pass on his faulty genetics.

I have a small penis which has ruined my entire life from the age of 13. I took the decision many years ago not to breed, in case I would pass on my genetic failings to my spawn. I also took the decision not to have any relations with women, because any woman would have a crap life being married to a loser like myself.

I am 45, have no penis, no job, no friends, no family, and will run out of money in about 6 weeks. My choice's are 1. Suicide of the Tamar bridge, or 2 sign on the dole, put myself into CBT and con myself into thinking that with 5,6,7, years hard work a miracle will happen and I can be happy with my little penis, working in a low pay/status job. Having no friends or family allows me the luxury of suicide.

However you ask the question, knowingly breeding a deformity is wrong.

[malign]

You sound very angry, nearlydead.

Who are you angry at? It doesn't really sound like it's the OP (Original Poster, I assume); he hasn't done anything to you.

Who did?

There are many things I don't understand about how you describe your situation. But hey, there are lots of things in life I don't understand. Can you help me out, by making the connections clearer? For instance, how does the size of a penis affect the job you have?

[nearlydead]

My penis size, and my reaction to it has led to depression. Depression led me to making the decission 12 years ago to stop opening my front door, stop answering the phone and give up my job. After three years I run out of money and sold my house. Since then I have stayed in rented accommodation, having no contact with anyone, living on the money from the house sale. that money has now run out. Its over.

[malign]

Okay, I think I understand your situation a bit better.

Do you think you can try to separate some of these issues?

Depression does not have to result from a penis size issue; as you said, part of it is your reaction to the situation. That's something you can work on changing, leaving the size issue itself entirely alone. Basically, you don't have to self-destruct over this, if you don't want to. No one says you have to get to the point of being happy with your penis; you just need to be able to hold a job.

On the other issue, though: it's okay if you don't want to discuss your anger. All we ask is that you not take it out on other members, please, because we all need to be able to discuss things here without worrying about being attacked.

[David O]

nearly dead,

I want to welcome you to the community. Please be patient with us, we're wanting to understand, be sensitive, compassionate and maybe even share some of our wisdom. Your anger is coming thru and I would ask that you not direct it at Smith, as Malign has suggested. Smith came here for support, encouragement and understanding, and we would like to maintain a sense of "family" here so that everyone can speak freely, openly and honestly w/o fearing that they'll be judged. I say this b/c if we followed your logic, we should also be condemning any member here who has children while they also have Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Williams Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Panic Disorder, Willi-Prader Syndrome, or any number of conditions with a genetic marker. This would likely be >90% of our membership--- should they also be ashamed for being "selfish...for knowingly breeding a deformity... and... passing on their faulty genetics [to their] spawn (whether mental or physical)", too???

The one key point you make is that you clearly understand that it is your "reaction" that has lead to your self definition and life decisions. Am I understanding correctly? I want to preface my next question by apologizing up front if it sounds too caustic and insensitive-- this is never my intent so please be patient with me. I'm wondering if you may be using your penis size as an excuse or rationale for having made life decisions that have you at this point where nothing seems to be working in your life? Is it possible that you may be using penis size as a reason for not having created a meaningful and relevant life for yourself (this doesn't mean your life is meaningless and irrelevant, only that it has become this for you)?

Nearly Dead, again, please be patient with us and I ask you to show respect for Smith and others.

David

Edited September 25, 2009 by David O

[nearlydead]

The rationale is, It does not matter what I do, I will always have this maggot penis, what ever I did or did not acheive, the result is has/always been the same, which is failure, and self hatred. There is no getting away from it, every time I see it, feel it, I hate it.

I did not pursue the woman I loved because of my size and impotence, I did not pursue sports because of my size, I never had any confidence in any decission I have ever taken, job I have ever done, or social situation, I have ever been in. Because when people find out you have no cock and your impotent they will laugh and talk about it, to your face or behind your back, they will talk. Add that to the hate you already have for your carcass, and you cannot get away from it. What ever I could of acheived with my life, it would always have been "but with a small cock" for me that was unacceptable, I curse the day I was born.

I was born with an undescended testicle, at 10 I had the op which left a scar, then it turns out it is small, then its impotent, then its common knowledge to the people that knew me, its small and impotent, now the foreskin is too tight. There is no way I could of ever changed how I felt about my penis. My small penis is reality, womens reactions to it were reality, my impotence is reality.

With CBT, no amount of me challenging how I think about my penis, can change what women or friends felt about my penis. Therefore useless to me. CBT is just a version of "The Emperor and his new clothes"

Using CBT I would have to think "well Ian, you have made an error of judgement about yourself and other people, which has led you to live the last 45 years in misery, resulting in erroneous decissions that have left you with no friends, career/job, wife/girlfriend kids/family, money or time. From now on, when you look at your penis, see it as a part of you that can give you lots of pleasure, and women arent bothered about size, impotence, sex etc, they like you for who you are blah blah blah" Maybe that would make me feel better for a while, then I go out, get a low pay/status job, make some friends, tell some lies to cover why I have no kids/family, wife, life, etc then meet a woman who accepts my small penis and impotence, as just another lovely part of wonderful me.......Or she could just laugh, tell my new freinds, and I go back to square one again. (CBT no thats all or nothing thinking, forecasting, labelling,discounting the positive, but possible, even probable.)

The time and effort that I would have to put into CBT inorder to gain a chance at an acceptable life, is not worth the potentail reward. I think suicide is the most certain, acceptable cure. I just have to do it.

David O. wrote: nearly dead, I removed the last piece of your post. While we all want you to feel welcome and as a member, I'm very uncomfortable having you post views that are harmful to the community. This issue was raised by earlier. I would like for you to remain as a member and continue to post and be a part-- and be respectful of other members. Please pm me if you have questions, concerns or want to discuss this.

Edited September 28, 2009 by David O

[IrmaJean]

Because when people find out you have no cock and your impotent they will laugh and talk about it,

Not everyone would behave this way toward you and those who did would not be people that you'd want to be friends with anyway.

What ever I could of acheived with my life, it would always have been "but with a small cock" for me that was unacceptable, I curse the day I was born. My small penis is reality, womens reactions to it were reality, my impotence is reality.

It may very well be your perception of reality, but the size of your penis does not define you. One aspect of your appearance is not the heart and soul of who you are as a person. You've given your genital size too much power and allowed your perception of it to control your life. I'm sorry to hear that some women did not respond to you as a person, but I guarantee there are some out there who would not see your genital size as something negative...but rather as a part of you and would appreciate it as such. You haven't found the right woman for you. There are some out there who would love, respect and appreciate you for all of you, but you won't find that woman if you stop looking.

I'm sorry that you are so discouraged and in a painful place right now. I might not be able to fully understand your pain, but I do care. There are people out there who care. I hope that you will seek out help.

[Smith222]

Hi Nearlydead,

Thanks for your initial post. I feel your pain.

Here's the answer to your original question... I was not going to live the rest of my life alone!! I decided to look for a girl who was not bothered about penis size. It was humiliated along the way but I eventually found a great girl and it made me feel great... It made me feel accepted which I needed otherwise I would have gone over the edge. She loves me very much. She asked me to have children. I was not going to deny her that... I knew there was a chance that I would produce boys and it always bothered me but I also thought that maybe they would not be affected. There was a post in the main SPS thread where a man with normal genitalia had a son, 17, who had a 3 inch penis. So it could go the other way I don't know. It seems small penises are here for ever.

Instead of giving up why don't you just have a go at finding a girl. It's not too late you are still young...You would be surprised how many do not give a rats about size but alot about friendship and someone to trust and love and just to have someone to wake up beside every morning... This is priceless and you can easily achieve this goal with some determination. If I could why couldn't you?

As for my boys I will make sure I am there to discuss when the time is right... I will monitor very closely if there are signs... I know all the signs... I will be in touch with medical practitioners who are at the forefront of this problem as much as I can and if there are any advancements in the treatment I will make sure I know. If there is no solution in the end I will be there to guide them through the pain and give them the same advice I am giving you... Find a partner at all costs...

For all the guys out there with this terrible fate it is the most important thing you need to do...

[David O]

Smith,

Good morning, I'm so glad to know you're still with us. Your response to nearly dead--- I wish I had the courage, wisdom and compassion with which you dealt with this with not only him, but in your life. I don't make it a habit of holding others in high regard, but you have my deepest respect and admiration.

Thanks so very much for sharing your wisdom.

David

[nearlydead]

An excellent answer Smithy. For the first time in my life you've made me feel like I'm a huge cock.

I appollogize to yourself and Dave, I spend so much time hating everything, I do everything in a rage. I wish I had the bravery to face and overcome stuff, like you guys seem to be doing, but find it easier to avoid or go straight to anger and voilence.

I have read back through all the posts, and read the things you guys wrote and what I wrote, and I don't recognise my own writing. I don't always mean what I say, but I do feel it.

Im not as wordy or wise as you guys, but I know when Im wrong, and I appollogise.

[David O]

Smith, it may be best for the 2 of you to talk more. I can't imagine how painful or difficult this must be, but sometimes a fellow "sufferer" can make more sense than all the logic, therapy and wisdom of someone who's never been thru it.

Smith, how did you come to this point, where you began to move from your pain and frustration to where you are now?

Please keep talking to each other. I too need to understand and learn from your conversation.

Nearly Dead-- there is absolutely no need to apologize to me, I understand your frustration.

[Smith222]

Sorry for the late reply I am on holidays and do not have easy access to a computer.

First I will answer David O's question:

I found a girlfriend however it will always bother me. It's much better to have a partner though.

Thanks for your support...

Nearlydead,

Absolutely no way should you apologise. I am just as angry. Most people don't understand the trauma. It basically ruins a young man's life and we are reminded of it every day. I am currently on holidays at a resort where there is snorkelling in the reef and it still bothers me to get in the water with lots of other people around. It will never go away it's embarrassing.

We were dealt the unlucky card of genetics and unfortunately it was the most important genetic part of our anatomy to feel normal and become an active and happy young man and excited about the future in a world where everything revolves around sex and relationships. We were denied that and I am very angry. I often thought why me? Every other guy beside me looks normal why me?

Due to all this crap I am socially a little screwed. I will always be a little uncomfortable around people I meet for the first time as I avoided a lot of contact with others as a young man. I had a good group of close friends who I grew up with that kept me sane. They all knew I had a small dick and would let me know with jokes occasionally, it didn’t happen often and to them it seemed that it wasn’t a big deal, they didn’t understand how painful it was for me but they never let that define me. They never treated me differently because of this and it was definitely not a huge topic of there conversation. Of course there were some girls who I overheard once say they couldn’t understand how anyone could go out with me due to my small dick and that really hurt… there will always be someone out there that will laugh and hurt you but at the end of the day you need to get back up and just keep doing the best you can with the unfortunate situation you are in. I often try to remind myself that there are a lot of people out there that are worse off (not wanting to give you any examples here) but there are, and a lot of them get on with it and try to make the best of what they have, that takes a lot of courage.

So basically I started to think that I was stuck with this and my goal was to see if I could get a girlfriend. I went through many who dropped me and it was very humiliating when it was time for sex. But to my surprise I met a girl who really liked me and it didn’t bother her. We had great sex and the relationship lasted 3 years, I was 20 when she dumped me. She needed to see more after I was her first and I understood that but I was shattered. It took me a long time to get the courage up to start again but I did and eventually went through the same humiliating experience again and after 3 years I found another great girl who fell in love with me. She is my wife and the mother of my 2 boys.

So I am the same as you... and I found a great partner. Believe me you can do the same. You will get some days where it’s almost too hard to keep trying but you will eventually find a great girl. Surely I am not the only guy in the world to find someone with my physical flaw.

Hope this helps…

Smith222

Edited September 30, 2009 by Smith222