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adjustment difficulties


SweetSue
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Adjusting to my new life is realy difficult and i just dont know what i m supposed to do anymore.

Things have changed so much recently and i dont know whether im coming or going, or who i am.

I am a single moma to four wonderful children. but through my illness i have had them taken from me.

I have all this time on my hands now and i have the freedom to do anything but i cant seem to get the energy to even get off this chair for days on end. and i am too ashamed to leave the house.

My shrink advised me to just get on with my life , return to work or go to college. create a social life for myself and stop thinking about whats happened in the past and just get on with it. as obviously i cant change the stuff thats happened.

But i cant stop the way i feel , and i feel trapped inside my mind, i cant stop myself from the thoughts that i have and not realy sure how i can move on from this stage of my life. Help please

Jj

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Good morning jessicajane1925,

This must all be extremely painful, down to the core of your very being. When my son left for college I must have cried daily for a month... you know, that weeping that comes from the deepest parts of you, and that was only b/c he chose to leave and not b/c he was removed!! I am so sorry, it's hard to imagine what this must feel like.

Usually, when I'm in a similar situation and this is also what I tell my clients when they seem at a loss for the next step, I develop a set of goals and tasks. They may seem irrelevant or too unmanageable given where you are, but I strongly encourage you to try them for at least 30 days. Having this clear plan can serve as a guide or road map when things seem to be careening towards a ditch somewhere:

1) Develop 1-2 goals for this month alone (e.g., I will spend no less than 8 hours per day looking for work, I'll leave the house every day for at least 1 hour to walk around the block, I'll say hello to no less than 5 people today, etc.)

2) Once you've set your goals, you will create tasks -- how will I accomplish Goal 1. For example, I will type up my resume in 3 days, I will look in the want ads every day, I will submit no less than 2 applications per day to businesses in town, I will get up every morning at 7AM to start looking for work, I will buy a new dress for interviews, I will ...

3) After 20 days on the first 3 steps, now set a new goal for the next 3 months, with tasks to accomplish it.

4) Find a solid buddy or partner who will "have your back" and be there for those times you feel like you need that extra support and encouragement. Your buddy could also help you develop your goals and tasks.

5) read every nite—no matter what, become a reader and become knowledgeable of your conditions, the meds you take, job interviewing techniques, The New Mood Therapy Book by Dr. Burns,… anything you can get your hands on that will give you greater control over your situation.

Finally—whatever you do, no matter what, stick to your plan. DON’T DEVIATE, DON’T PASS GO AND DON’T COLLECT $200 (sorry, a little Monoply game humor) until you’ve successfully done this. This will be almost impossible to start and will take every ounce of energy and emotion, but if you don't become active, you may find yourself increasingly more and more isolated, confused, in your head and alone/lonely, and directionless. If you can't do this for you, do it for the chance to have your children see you strong and well (if visitations are permitted). This may also serve as a sprinboard to getting them back if that possibility exists. I know family reunification is always 1st on the agenda for social service and courts.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

Keep wring back Kris—we’re here for you no matter what.

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Hi David

Thankyou for your replie, it was kind of you. At present the simplist of goals seems too hard to comprehend but im hoping in time i will be able to use your plans.

Ive literally spent the last few days just sat here. everything seems like too much hassle, even to the stage where it takes hours to get off my bum just to get a coffee.

I guess im just feeling sorry for myself at the mo. I cant stop crying , everywhere i look reminds me of my children and of what weve lost.

I am so embarrased and ashamed of the situation thats been created due to me becoming ill, and of all the pain ive put my children through coz now they must feel abandoned and unloved by their moma.

I am allowed suppervised contact with my children for one hour a week, which isnt very long when i have to split that time beyween four children. im not allowed to be left on my own with my children which is heartbreaking especially as i have never harmed my kids, yet i am treated like a criminal.

Reality is harsh, and the other world is unbearable, theres soo much i need to do, but how and why. I justt fail to see the point of it all.

But hey thanks anyway

Jj

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Jessica,

Those kids waiting for you to come back are the point. I'm sure they know you didn't leave them voluntarily. But the first step on the road to getting them back is to get over being embarrassed, and start making a life for them to come back to.

Your purpose as a mother hasn't been reduced. Just the ways that you can express it. Can you pour all the love and longing you have for them into getting yourself moving? The sooner you have a life for yourself, the sooner you'll have a case for getting them back.

It probably won't happen if you stay inside.

How are the rest of your symptoms? Are you feeling better, aside from the current dip in your mood?

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Hi Malign

The current dip in my mood is nothing realy, feeling more than a tad down these days. Medication isnt really helping at mo. Voices do my head in and it seems the harder i try to ignore them the louder they get.

Distraction therapy would be ok if i had the concentration to do it properly, but thanks to my hallucinations that kinda puts a stop on things.

See the call out shrinks later on today, when they eventually turn up. Think they might need to alter my medication again.

But thanks for your words

Take care

Jj

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Okay, yes, if you're still hallucinating, I can see other things might take a back-seat to that. Are the voices a danger to you? Will you contact someone if they start to be? Please?

There are lots of people who need you, still, even if they can't be there right this minute.

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Thanks Malign,

Dont worry im sure things will be ok, At least this time round i kinda know what to expect where these kinds of things are concerned, So it wont freak me out as much.

Its probably just my meds that need re juggling, the shrinks said it would be difficult to start with at home, i guess everything just takes it toll.

thanks malign

Jj

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  • 2 weeks later...

HEY EVERYONE, :o

Well the past few weeks has been a rolllercoaster of an experience, full of hyper and lowper me's. But i guess most of you already know that, especialy all my friends here that have helped guide me through it all.

The last couple of days have been exceptionaly hard , and to be honest i just didnt know what to do for the best. Paranoia and confusion about the situation i am in at present , clouded my perception on some, not all of the issues that im facing right now.

Yesterday, i think was one of my lowest days recently. Probably coz of the disrespectful way i was treated by some of the nurses at this hospital. Dont get me wrong , I am apprieciative of the things they do here to help me, and rationaly i know they do what they do to try and help me, on the whole most of the staff here are quite pleasant. The same i guess applies to most jobs, theres always the occasional person that lets the team down. So yes, yesterday was a v.harsh lesson learnt.

Today though i feel stronger, after completly collapsing in hysterics in the night, i actualy managed to let out a whole barrel of shit that had been making things so harsh lately. I was half expecting not to be taken seriously, to be laughed at, riddiculed, but to my supprise that just wasnt the case.

And boy was i taken seriously, Now i am moved on again, this time to a friendlier ward , i feel safe here, not embarrased or ashamed. Opening up to these people was the most difficult thing ever. In a way im glad i "broke" last night because otherwise id still be holding it all in , and that weighed a lot.

Anyway today, i still look like and feel like crap, i feel like ive got a hangover from hell , coz for the first time in a while i got some sleep, 2 wonderful hours of sleep. Im by no mean cured, and i know i still have a long way to go , but i feel encouraged and happier coz in a way i can see a glimmer of H O P E.

Take care all of you, and again thankyou

Jj

:)

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Buenos dias jessicajane1925,

This will be a little off topic but it's a "learning how to fish" piece for life.

By the way, I'm glad you're still writing in and keeping us posted and contributing to others even in the midst of your own pain.

Years ago we began running a small study in grad school with those who were beginning to hallucinate by asking them to shift focus immediately. We began to play 60's-70's classic rock and the patients would begin to sing to the music. When one began to experience hallucinations, we would walk them thru the music and engage the brain in incompatible thinking that often interfered with the hallucinatory process. Our thinking at the time (and it remains the same today) was that the production of auditory hallucinations is associated with increased activity in a brain network specialized for language, called Brocas area. Between 40-60% of the patients reported being able to either circumvent, move past or ignore the hallucinations. This works best if the hallucination is voices and not as well if they're visual. Sooooo, what songs do you like, or would you like to begin Spanish or Portuguese lessons.

This is how it would work: Every day, learn 3-4 new words or learn the words to a song you enjoy. When you sense the hallucinations starting, quickly start humming the tune and quietly verbalizing the words (dance if you have to), focus, focus, focus on the music, no need to feel it at first just focus on singing and humming it. This takes a bit of practice but it worked for many of our patients on a daily basis.

As for the nurses... ours were overworked and severely underpaid. They worked 16 hour shifts at times due to a nursing shortage, so by the end there was so little left for them to give. Overlook this, stay as strong as you can.

I hope this helps. Please take care of yourself, don't forget the goals we discussed a few posts above, and we'll always be here for you no matter what.

Ciao,

David

PS: Today's Spanish word is :buenos dias (booenos dee-as)

Edited by David O
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Good morning, JJ, even though it's afternoon for both of us.

I'm glad that you managed to share with the staff some of what you were going through yesterday. That was too hard a day to have to keep having them.

Tell us more about your situation now. For one thing, it might reinforce that hope you're feeling. I'm so glad that you found some.

Mark

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Hi Malign

Dont know what to say realy, been v.sleepy today.

This is actualy a different hospital that i am in now, for one reason or another i just couldnt hack IT at the last place.

The ward here is lovely, i guess. The staff seem to be v.supportive of the stuff that went on recently and are helping me to come to terms with it.

Actualy had some of my meds reduced starting tonight , which i think is always good. Especialy as i dont like them very much.

I am trying to stay possitive in the words that i use and say but its not always possible.

Have to do statemants tommorow (legal shit YUK) and quite honestly am dreading IT.

Sometimes its hard, coz lets face it reality is hard.

I dont know just trying to HOPE for ANOTHER DAY to turn into A BETTER DAY.

Sorry i dont make sense, i know this, my head realy is pretty messed up right now.

TAKE CARE ALL OF YOU, OK

SUE

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You're making sense, Sue. It is hard.

We're with you, as best we can be.

Are you sleepy in a good way, as in drowsy and about to sleep, or is that too much to ask? ;-)

It's okay to not always be positive, just remember that there is a positive out there, and keep looking.

I'm glad that today is a bit better, even if it's not where you want it to be, yet. It's the beginning of a trend! :-)

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Thats scarey, ive never been accused of making sense before, normaly people tell me i dont make sense.

Maybe its the start of a new me, is that possible ?

Who knows, who the heck cares ? Im just going to try and find a possitive in everything from now on, and if after looking (obviously no more than a minute, coz im impatient) for it, i cant find it then....im gonna make one up.

Coz its my life , and as pathetic as it is i kinda want it back. Excuse the crap getting hyper again now. What was i saying..,.,,,.,,..,.

Sleepy from injections still, probably not good,(damn it) i mean yeah its possibly the alternative to a good thing. (hey give me credit here, im new to all this possitive stuff ok,,) but never mind.

Today is more than a bit better in one huge massive respect, but the rest i guess is just the same old same old. (dont know how to make that bit positive)

still im gonna keep looking for the bright side of life, and if i cant find it im going to sulk, but i guess that if i do find it i will be laughing, coz i would of actualy found something i was looking for.

Dont get that bit when i re read it (just forgot what i meant and was tyring to say) maybe youl get the jist of what i was saying.

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I get it, Sue, but if you'd rather, maybe that's because I don't make sense, either. ;-)

Looking at the positive doesn't mean *poof* everything's great. Anyone who says so is lying. Looking at the positive means seeing a path ahead. Even if it's a terribly difficult, rocky path full of pitfalls. If you see a path that goes up, that's a positive.

So no one expects you to suddenly clear all the problems away, and everything's fine. You just need to be able to see where to put your foot next, really.

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I KNOW IT DOESNT

please just cut me a bit of slack ok. (tomorrow a v.heavy day), need to be up beat still and stay that way as long as poss.

AS TO SEEING WHERE TO PUT MY FOOT NEXT, WILL MY MOUTH COUNT. IM POSSITIVLY POSSITIVE I KNOW IM GOOD AT THAT.

CAN YOU GET SELECTIVE READING AS WELL AS SELECTIVE HEARING ?

JUST WONDERED AS

"POOF" EVERYTHINGS GREAT, SOUNDS MAGICAL, COMPAIRED TO WHAT YOU ACTUALY WROTE.

HAVE TO GO SOON MORE MEDS LOOMING (YUK, POSSITIVLY YUK)

BUT WILL TRY TO DROP BY LATER OK

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Hi Sue,

I hope you can get some rest. I think that is what you body and mind need right now. Maybe relaxation techniqes can help you ? Deep breathing exersices may help? Tommorow is a big day for you, and must have you all ties up in knots and anxiety .I understand the need to keep going , to get through tommorow . However, that is still tomorow. PLenty of rest and relaxation exercises today could help you tommorow .

So glad that your in a different hospital with caring staff. The other one was not helpful at all.

I am thinking about you , and really hope your going to be okay. Keep writing in here, because a lot of people care.

CAthy

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Hey cathy,

thankyou for your kind thoughts and for finding the time in your hectic schedule to reply, it is truely apprieciated.

At present i am trying all the relaxation techniques ive been taught over the years, but i think im just having one of those nights where i cant sit still, let alone relax.

I hope that all is going as well as it can for you and your son.

Take care, and i hope things start looking brighter for all of us tomorrow

sue

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HI THERE EVERYONE

ME AGAIN,WELL IVE FINISHED MY MORNING FROM HELL, AND BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS, ITS GOING TO BE FOLLOWED BY A AFTERNOON OF HELL TOO. LUCKY OR WHAT?

ANYWAY IM WELL INTO A STATE OF SELF PITY, FEELING USELESS, AND IMMATERIAL IN LIFE. A COMPLETE WASTE OF SPACE.

I DONT KNOW, I HATE FEELING THIS WAY. TEARS I CANT STOP SHEDDING AND THEY WONT GO AWAY.TRYING WITH EVERY OUNCE OF ME TO "KICK MY ASS INTO GEAR" AND FAILING MISERABLY. I GUESS ITS JUST A CLASSIC CASE OF THE "WHY ME" SYNDROME. THINK I PROBABLY COULD JUST DO WITH A HUGG FROM MY KIDS RIGHT NOW.

IF ANY ONE HAS ANY IDEAS IN HOW I CAN "KICK MT ASS INTO GEAR" LET ME KNOW, COZ I COULD REALY DO WITH THE HELP RIGHT NOW.

TAKE CARE YOU GUYS

Jj

:D:mad::confused::cool:

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Maybe, stop kicking things so much, JJ?

When I need to put my car in gear, usually I just put in the clutch and move the gear shift.

Your ass might just be tired of all the kicking it's getting, these days. Maybe you could ask it nicely. :-)

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