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Does this have a name?

Say Again

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I notice that some of us (including myself) share a pattern. This is something I had started noticing about myself prior to coming to this site. Finding this pattern in others is too exciting and I have to know what this is.

When some members post about an issue that they are PERSONALLY EXPERIENCING - the writing style if compared to that same members post in regards to another persons issue seems significantly different.

The very member that is articulate and insightful in reaching out to another member in pain - is absolutely not at that level of thinking in regards to their own set of circumstances. Some seem to even lose access to the actual education level of skills they have in writing.

I am not suggesting multiple personalities. What I am thinking is that as we move through our day for example, we are in and out of varied roles. Some of those might be as mother, father, friend, boss, employee and so on. From anything I have read - the mind will automate much of the work it does and I am thinking that includes what comes together in the brain for each of these roles. In other words - as I switch from one to the other - the tools and most importantly the access to different parts of the brain are all automatically put in place - like a template. We can gain or lose access to some areas of our brain.

Here is another example (other than the writing style on this site):

I am at a business meeting and what is important to note here is this is a family company. I have the skill to keep the meeting moving in the correct direction. My perspective seems balanced, logic available - very analytical. We move to a topic that shifts into a different area and is more family oriented than business. I am now unable to get clarity in my thinking. The feedback I am getting indicates I am now not making sense to others. I cannot seem to access the part of the brain - the tools I just had available moments before when working on other topics.

I can think of a zillion examples even in the positive sense - switching gears to get out of a state of mind for example.

This must have a name. There must be a method to redesign these states of mind. I seem to need the following:

How can I identify what I have access to and what is missing?

How can I redesign each template - eliminate / gain access to the best tools I would need in each role?

If I had a name I could research this. Can anyone figure out what I am talking about?

Thank you

Say Again

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Guest ASchwartz

Hello Say Again,

Welcome to our community.

Wow, you have hit on something that is a great truth and is very relevant. Yes, indeed, it is a common fact that many of us are better able to have insight into and be helpful to others than to ourselves.

In addition, all of us behave differently depending on the role we are playing at a particular time of the day. You are very business like when the issues are business but when things revert back to family relationships at your family business, you revert back to your role in the family. Many people have complained to me that they can be so very grown up during the day but once they visit their families of origin, they shift right back into childish roles inspite of their efforts.

It is important to know that the family treats us as the same child we were so long ago even though we have moved way beyond that and it is not a personal fault that we slip back.

What do you and others think and in what ways do we behave differently during the day??


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Guest GingerSnap

This is life situations in general since I think it applies across the board. It is much easier to be calm, insightful and draw on your experience when you are not in the line of fire. Say for instance, our water main developed a major leak right after we moved into our house so already stressed out, I could hardly survive it and then I called every plumber in driving distance and most couldn't come for a month or two and finally I found one that would come in two weeks but also said he would come and take a look immediately. I had to try to figure all this out on top of being stressed about the move to the Gates of Hell but today if this happens to someone else, I can calmly give advice and save them from the horror that this was for me. Guess this is why if you can take a few steps back and look at your own situation that it is supposed to help? Once calm and knowing the plumber would come in two weeks, I set out to figure out how to make it work. I think that nothing really helps more than hearing "Oh, I have been there and I'll tell you what I did."

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