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this might be silly.

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File this under the "women who love too much" category :), or maybe the "He's just not that into you" category.

It's a pretty helpless feeling knowing the pattern and how painful it is but not being able or willing or whatever to interrupt it. If you see this guy and let him back into your life again, chances do seem likely by your own estimation that you'll get hurt again. But you feel bonded to him, and thus dependent on him. And passive about this particular aspect of your life. What you want (which is a stable, reciprocally loving relationship) you CANNOT have with this man. He seems to have demonstrated this much to your satisfaction. The rational part of you is saying this anyway. The more emotional part of you is probably saying "maybe this time will be different ...."

So, you are faced with choosing between two kinds of pain:

1) you retain self-respect and refuse to see this guy and just force yourself to move on, whether that means being alone, or ultimately with someone else.

2) you allow him back into your life and probably have a short period of time where things feel good and then he dumps you again, and you have no control over it and feel awful.

Having lived through both scenarios above, I will personally tell you that the first one is superior to the second one. There really are times in life when you just have to override what your heart tells you and go in the direction that your rational brain thinks is best. You can't live that way all the time, but when you're stuck and heart-sick as you are now, that rational path is the way out.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I can relate to this relationship addiction? If I don't have someone in my life I feel incomplete. Sometimes known as the empty cup syndrome where I just switch from one 'thing' to another trying to fill the cup.

I have switched addictions many times, formerly a food addict, drugs, alcohol, exercise, OCD. I sabotage everything in my life when it has a potential for good. I am never attracted to people who would positively benefit me or treat me in a loving/reliable way.

I think my issue is a deep longing for approval which I never felt from my parents.

My question is what do I do with all this knowledge? I own five zillion books on self actualization/healing yet I stay in this thwarted and wounded state. I spend money on healing remedies, and persons, but I feel like I end up going in circles.

I have recently developed a problem where I can't bear being in public and have people looking at me. I do it, but it makes me so upset. I can't stand the noises, smells, everything seems so intense and extreme.

I don't know how to live if I keep getting worse. Any idea's would be much appreciated.


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