Can't get over a long dead relationship...What do I do?

[girlintrouble]

I am having a lot of trouble getting over my ex-girlfriend. It’s my first relationship with a girl, which is something that prior to her, I never would have imagined I would have had.

I think to thoroughly understand the situation, you should know a little bit about me. I’m 25 and so is she. Before dating this woman, I was dating a man whom I was really in love with, but with whom I also had a rocky relationship with. We fought constantly, he was overbearing, and I was pretty unhappy. I took the opportunity to leave him when I met my ex-girlfriend, June. I immediately fell in love with her, moved in with her, and started long-term plans. We bought a house and remained together for about 3 years. Things were good, but not great.

I found myself becoming more and more angry about silly things. I remained in contact with my ex-boyfriend and found that I was taking his role in the relationship between June and I. I was angry often, and emotionally abusive at times. We sought a counselor, who told us we should stop drinking so much, but I did little to remedy the situation. She expressed unhappiness at many times, but I blew her off very often. I regret this very much now.

I was still very happy in the relationship although my behavior made it seem not so. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and my counselor told me she thinks I may be experiencing co-dependency symptoms recently as well.

One day I found that she had left me. This was a year ago. I have horrible feelings about the entire thing. I am still clinging to the idea that she might come back. I feel really guilty because I know she had many reasons to leave me. I have emailed her and talked to her about getting together just for a coffee or a movie, but she doesn’t answer the questions directly. She does speak to me nicely, but she avoids all attempts for me to see her. I keep all her pictures and our home videos here and I still cry when I’m alone on weekend nights and miss her very much. Sometimes I feel so bad, I start thinking about suicidal type stuff, which I've never done before. I can't stand being alone and when I try to go out with other girls, I can't stand being there either.

My question is, how can I start getting over her? Is it weird to still be so sad about someone leaving you after a year? Now my ex-boyfriend Joe is back in the picture. He seems to have changed a lot, and I can tell he really has matured and cares for me. Should I embrace another relationship with him? I don’t find myself attracted to him like I used to be, but I am not sure if it’s because I am still haunted by my feelings for June. I still long for her and it's been a year now, and it's still killing me. Please help. I think I should be over her by now, right? This has started to disrupt my life in ways I never would have thought possible. I have tried dating other girls and guys, who have geuninely taking a liking to me, but whom I have found do not hold a candle to June.

Any thoughts or comments are appreciated.