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Back to my old ways....... Help !!!


SweetSue

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erm,

I dont know. the things in my past, well there evil.. It just flows through my veins and eats away at me. I dont want the evil to get so strong that I become evil. Its part of me. If I dont let it out then well, I could myself become totally evil. that scares me. I dont want to become like them, my voices, my hallucinations/my vultures.

Misdirected Anger, There is no one to be angry at for what at the end of the day I should have prevented. Should of been strong enough to fight them off me. I allowed some things to happen, through fear. my fear got the better of me. So yes I am angry, not at others though, there is no point in that. That would only make them more angry more evil toward me than they already have been.

There is no way out of this one, I have to just learn to be a better person in hope that in future, people can leave me alone and stop hurting me. if I can just keep myself to myself, then well maybe the evil wont keep following me. Until that day comes i just have to keep trying harder.

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hey jessica. I don't completely understand your situation, but I've been suicidal and I've had bad nurses and dr's. I want to encourage you to fight the good fight. I call it good because in the end it will only lead to your character being perfected and completed. You mentioned in your first post on this thread that the feeling of wanting to hurt yourself was a 'temptation'. I will tell you that I know it is and I know the only way to fight temptation is with the power of God. Satan wants you dead, or hurt. He wants to torture you untill you have no peace left. Please for your own safety and healing turn to Jesus. You will never waste His time. He made and holds time and wants to spend it all with you...to help you and hold you and tell you how much He loves you...I don't know of your spiritual background, and I hope I'm not being too bold, but I do know that Jesus loves you and wants you better. I will be praying for you.

brother bill

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Yep, fight the good fight, kinda trying that one thanks for your kindness Bill.

Fight thats all I ever seem to be doing. Fight for whats right, for what I have to do. fight in and out of courts. Fight for my children, for our safety, fight to get better, Fight against my voices, fight to keep breathingg, fight, just fight in hope that tomorrow I wont have to fight anymore.

Trouble is tomorrow for me is going to be exactly the same, with the same battles, same damn fights, with more or less the same flippping outcome.

Somedays I just run out of Fight. sometimes, well sometimes I cant deal with all the pressure of being me, thats when shit happens, thats when s/i really kicks into play. Thats when I can no longer fight against everyone that seems intent on kicking me whilst I down, mostly though thats when I cant fight against myself.

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Maybe I have just been going about this all wrong, just accept this is just the way I am. Let what ever happen to me, be it by the hands of others, or by my own hands, just let it happen.

Coz well all this fighting, and well what have I actually managed to achieve. What ever I do dosnt actually stop anything, or make anything better.

Guess its time to just let me be me, things may/ may not improve, but at least I will have a little more energy. Things cant get any worse, so I have nothing to loose.

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