Tony J Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Back in 1902 William James wrote :"The only radical remedy I know for dipsomania is religiomania."I don't know what that means to any given individual in the modern world, but I'm pretty sure it implies that more than a few internet friends are needed.If recovery isn't taken seriously enough, it isn't likely to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xenophon Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 smallstar, loving yourself is learned behavior; just as you learn how not to take pills. And, putting an end to the pill taking is part of learning how to love yourself. As others have indicated.I found SMART Recovery and the tool box useful. perhaps you will as well.I think you may want to set about finding what you enjoy doing; to engage your mind and heart. This may help create a reality base for self love. And, reality will show that your self hatred is contrary to fact.Whatever happens keep going. Nightwatch 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted October 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) .......... Edited September 14, 2010 by smallstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xenophon Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Just keep going. keep your spirits up and start abstaining. It will work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 hi star,im supporting you from a distance.i am so proud of you and the determination you show to overcome this, each time your managing to last longer, im sure sooner rather than later you will beat this battle.take care hunJj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulianP Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) deleted.... Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightwatch Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) deleted...... Edited December 13, 2011 by Nightwatch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony J Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 (edited) Comment deleted by David O. See my PM. Edited October 17, 2009 by David O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted October 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) .......... Edited September 14, 2010 by smallstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony J Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) Smallstar, if my comment was in any way hurtful to you, please accept my appologies. I honeslty did not intend it to be so. And also, remember that I can only share my opinions based on my own experience. I don't expect you or anyone to do something just because I share it or suggest it. I may just be old school but since we can't see each other (we can use emoticons if we want) and human communication is very complex I think a real person or persons is more helpful. Online communication is good but face to face talk allows us to gauge each other better and use all our senses and instincs. Both on your end when deciding on which advice to take in a given situation and on our end when deciding what advice might be best to give. But it is up to you. It' s your recovery and you are responsible for it, as are we all. Anyway, if you can make a pact with yourself that you won't use for today and do anything necessary to keep that pact you can worry about tomorrow if and when it comes. Trust me, there will be a day when the cravings are gone and you won't even realize it for a while. But that day doesn't come until you stop using for that 'certain' amount of time.Good luck and keep trying. Hi, thanks everyone for the support, and being kind to me even when I've screwed up. I was relieved to see that. Maybe I do rely too much on online support, but I don't see that as a problem as talking to people online seems to be what got me motivated to start making the changes and to continue to try. If I were just relying on myself, I wouldn't get very far. As for people in the "real" world, and their support, well I just really don't have anyone here, or I should say, because of my own faults, and fears, I don't really talk to people.Anyway, I am still working on this. Driving myself crazy with one thought after another. I remember, from just a few days ago, that the pills didn't help, and actually made it worse. That's what I keep trying to remind my self. I'm trying to figure out, what is it then? I shouldn't have to feel like this, there has to be something to fix it. Of course my mind tells me, you need the pills, you're not you without them. But really, the problem is, I am me without them. I'm completely useless. I'm just a little worried about the future. I mean, if I knew this would end, I wouldn't be depressed forever, than I could handle it. But the problem is, I don't think I am capable to make the changes in my life that could possibly make me, well I guess, have a life, a life I might even enjoy. I'm not asking to be happy, just to have a little more of a point to my life. I don't know, I wish I could just get it out of my head that the pills would help me. I mean, sure it would, for a little bit. It would get me downstairs, maybe motivate me to do something. But the a half hour later it would wear off, and I'd be a little bit worse cause of it. I just have to remind myself that that short period of relief I may or may not get just isn't worth it. Edited October 18, 2009 by Tony J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 Hey star,You know your not the only one that relies on, on line support. I do to. i do not see anything wrong with it. Although as you know i am in hospital, and the staff here help all they can, here i get a different kind of support. From people that know what its like and care how you are. It aids my recovery, to be able to talk things through with people that have actually been there done that or are currently living through there problems.For what its worth, I think you are doing amazing. It takes a lot of inner strength courage and determination to succeed in what you are doing. I am proud that you arre doing so well, and very proud to call you my friend.You can beat this, hun !!! :-)take caresue smallstar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightwatch Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) deleted......... Edited December 12, 2011 by Nightwatch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xenophon Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 smallstar, live meetings are not my way either. So, we are together on that. You are showing me that you have great strength and fortitude. As I said before, keep going. Never sell yourself short; never allow anyone else to sell you short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) .......... Edited September 14, 2010 by smallstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 hey starYou will get there hun, its not easy, we all know that, but the fact you keep trying, well that says a lot. Ok. so you slipped up. but your back on track again, and well maybe this time will work.Your determination to succeed, is something that you should be proud of yourself for. Try not to look at it negatively, it will only make it harder for you.We are all so very proud of you, and I am sure you will manage to beat this, one step at a time.Were here for you hun, and Im silently supporting you from a distance.take careJj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony J Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 Good girl.Day one is a good place to be. It means you're counting clean time again.I am driving myself crazy with trying to quit these pills for good. I seem to go four or five days and then give in, and I'm just repeating this cycle over and over again. What's hard about it is I get too down when I don't have these pills to help me. I think I might be able to have more control over these moods than I let myself have. When I don't have the pills I just convince myself that I don't care, that there is no point to anything, etc. Then, eventually, I give in, and have them. And they help, for a very brief period of time, until the guilt kicks in and I starts to call myself all sorts of names and remind myself of why I am such a loser. But then I'll take more, trying to get rid of the bad feelings. Then I get so angry with myself, I try to get remotivated, and I am able to not take them again for several days. I know that I have made improvement with this, from where I used to be. I am just worried I am not strong enough to get to where I want to be. Where not taking them is permanent. I don't know, I guess as long as I don't give up, than maybe one day I'll get there. Today is day one, again, and I'm going to try so hard not to get too down, as much as I can control it, I'm just not that sure if I'll be able to. I just have to remember that this is what I want, what I need, I'm just really worried about how I will deal with things without anything to help. I don't know, but I'm trying again, and day one is almost over. I will try to do what Tony said and take it just one day at a time. Maybe if I don't focus on the "never again" part and just tell myself each day that today I will not have any pills, well maybe it will be easier to just focus on each day by itself rather than looking at it as one huge thing. I don't know, I'm just trying not to give up altogether. I know that I don't ever want it to be as bad as it was again, but I also know how easy it would be to get there again, so I need to be careful. I'm going to try to be stronger this time. One of these tries has to be the one that lasts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulianP Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) deleted..... Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP smallstar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) .......... Edited September 14, 2010 by smallstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) .......... Edited September 14, 2010 by smallstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony J Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 How are you today smallstar ?It's raining here. Blah. smallstar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightwatch Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 (edited) deleted...... Edited December 12, 2011 by Nightwatch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted January 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited September 14, 2010 by smallstar SweetSue 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 hi star I disagree, I dont think you have made a big mess of things again. I know that you have had and are having a extremely harsh time at the moment, and have turned to your only way that you have learnt of coping. This does not mean that you have made a mess of things hun, making a mess of things would be when you slip and dont try to get back up again. Yet here you are once again, trying to pick yourself up. your determination to try beat this is amazing. I am so proud of you I dont know, is there any advice that could help you on line, or maybe even on line support groups percifically that deal with this, that can help you, maybe it could be worth a try ?Sorry I dont have any words of wisdom just wanted to try to give you a little encouragement.Hang in there star, we are all with you trying to help, any way that we can.take caresue smallstar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulianP Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 (edited) deleted.... Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP smallstar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted January 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited January 27, 2010 by smallstar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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