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nearlydead

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It is hard to give more weight to positive thoughts. My mind is usually in the negative. When I am depressed and unproductive I become even more negative as a result and it becomes a vicious cycle of sorts. I notice that when I have productive days it is easier to thwart some of the negative thoughts but not all of them. I wish there was a way to truly not care about the size of my penis. In order to do this, I have to truly not care about what the woman I am with thinks of me and I have to not care about her sexual needs as I equate a small penis as something that is inadequate for penetrative sex.

I think the goal, Recluse, might be to feel confident enough in yourself to not be so fearful of a woman's disapproval. And to not need another's approval for your own inner satisfaction. The first place to start would be changing your perception about yourself. All easier said then done, I know, but maybe try starting with baby steps. That's very difficult to even begin if you are so depressed that you won't allow yourself to believe in anything positive. Or at least in the potential for positive. Have you ever tried therapy? Does staying busy help?

LE, I think that you and I share some of the same difficulties. Did your therapist work with you on the obsessive thought patterns? Are the thoughts distracting and disturbing? Intrusive? I never even knew it was unusual because my mind has always been this way.

I posted a few links to my stories in The Lounge section. They're really sappy so don't read if that type of thing makes you gag or become mad with rage.;)

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I know this sounds funny but if woke up with a penis of average girth tomorrow, I would be in the bar that night, or day for that matter, meeting women and I can tell you that many of my social phobias would go out the window that day.

True, I would be balls deep, hanging out the back of every bird in sight within hours:eek: If only the surgery was a reliable option. From the research on the surgery I have done there are some real horror storys with mutilation, loss of erectile function, and sensitivity etc.

They do seem to have made more advancement on improving length, than they have achieved with improving girth. Apparently girth is achieved through injecting fat, which seeps away into the bloodstream after a while. However, it does'nt seep away uniformely so you end up with an ugly bumpy cock.

I just hope I can still get it up, when they do find a reliable surgical cure.

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What I'm finding out now from these discussions is that I have so many emotional problems, even if I woke up tomorrow with a normal penis, I still wouldn't be acceptable to the opposite sex. What woman wants to be with a head case?

What you're doing here in looking at yourself is very courageous. Maybe try to be a little nicer to yourself? ;) I really truly believe that everyone has their own issues. But you are brave enough to examine them. A positive thing.

I'm sorry that you didn't find a therapist who was helpful to you. That must feel very frustrating. Talk therapy worked very well for me, but everyone is different. It sounds as if you need a more goal-oriented and focused approach.

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Examining them is a place to start. Little steps.

I hope that you will stop attaching names to yourself. It reinforces negativity. You deserve better care. I know that you are hurting , but there is always hope. Everyone is flawed, LE. That's what makes us human. Your potential is in there. But in order to see it you have to allow some light into the darkness.

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The idea that someone out there would accept them all is preposterous.

You're worthy of acceptance flaws and all. You're worthy of acceptance. You're giving your flaws too much power in this. To me, having a caring nature would outshine just about anything else. And you have that. Give some power to that. Allow yourself to recognize the positive traits you have.

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I know this sounds funny but if woke up with a penis of average girth tomorrow, I would be in the bar that night, or day for that matter, meeting women and I can tell you that many of my social phobias would go out the window that day.

Do you really and honestly believe that? That if any one of you woke up and had been changed in this one specific way that you would suddenly be different people? That the social anxieties and depression and negative thinking would just vanish? And if you did feel more confident, would that then be a result of your recent physical change or would the change really be in the way you felt about yourself?

Guys who are average or large don't even need to think twice about sexual confidence

You're making an assumption here that I doubt very much is true. I'd be willing to bet that there are plenty of ED patients that fit the "above average" description. Sexual confidence is something that comes from within. It's how you feel about yourself.

Just a few more thoughts I had today.

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A miracle op would not change me. It would improve my life no end though, with improved confidence to approach women again and enter into a sexual relationship again.

Had I been born normal however, my life would of been completely different to the one I have lived. I do not think I would of had the depression, hate, shame that has dogged my life, deffinately no prison, which affected all sorts of other areas of life. I would of lived with a woman, had kids, kept in touch with my family, and close freinds, I would not of lived as a recluse for the last 10 years, I would not be planning suicide, in short I would of had a far far superior life to the one I have lived. Small, has been my overiding thought for 30 years, every single day of it, and I'm sick of it.

Last night, I got on Friends reuited, facebook, checked out friends and people I once worked with. 6 have very successful business's, some have emigrated to Australia, nearly all are married with kids, my former best friends kids are now at university. My brothers children are nearly leaving school, I've only met them once.

I have wasted my entire life to my own misery, shame, anger, guilt. It truly looks like I have learnt nothing, my cock is still small, I still think about it everyday all day. Im a useless peice of scum. I think I know that the only real cure for this life is death. Kidding myself that I can accept myself, and get over this poxy shitty excuse for a carcass, and rebuild myself and a life, is bull. Effort V.s Reward = Waste of time.

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Your life is today. You can't get yesterday back, but you can make the most out of today and tomorrow. There will always be others who seem to "have it better". Try and stop comparing. Find the best in yourself and believe in that. You've all tried to help one another in here, so there is a caring aspect in all of you. That's a very valuable trait to have.

The point of the above questions was to bring to the light that this is not all about the size of your genitals. It's about accepting yourself for the people that you are. You change what you can change and you accept the rest as best as you can.

There are lots of women out there. You won't be able to discover new truths if you never try. Nothing in life is easy, but sometimes things happen when you least expect them to if you are open to new experiences. Maybe it feels safer to stay cocooned in your own misery, but the real joy in life is often found when you start taking chances. Safe risks, my therapist used to call them.

ND, when you hurt yourself with words like that it feels like an attempt to push others away. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here and I accept you.

Edited by IrmaJean
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Everyone,

I want to give IrmaJean a big Thank You because she is trying so very hard to be honest and reassuring. And, it's great that her words are coming from a woman.

This is not about being right or wrong, believing or not believing that there is suffering going on. Its about wanting very much to help.

Thanks IrmaJean and I hope all of you are listening to her. She really means well. :)

Allan

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LE, you don't "have to" put it into that perspective, but I can understand that you will. :-)

Especially when you make up the statistic of 99.9%; my observation is that most women, in fact, are quite understanding. Heck, a lot fewer men would care about another guy's size than you think. I do understand that that has not been your experience. I'm just saying that there's a possibility that your experience might be different if you kept trying.

You've gotta stop figuring in all your flaws, and start figuring in your advantages. But I can't "make" you do it.

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