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nearlydead

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You mentioned before that you are trying to approach this stuff with an open mind, and I believe you. I just think it's difficult for you to think that way.

My suggestion would be, each time you begin a declarative sentence, like the ones in your last post, you insert "in my opinion" or "as far as I know".

Because I don't believe that your advantages outweigh your flaws, or that there's "no question" they'll stick out, or that you can be sure what women are looking for.

It might be difficult, it might make you angry at me for suggesting it, but I think it would help to allow the possibility of doubt about all these negatives you're beating yourself with.

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Yah, well, you know, that's debating. I'm not willing to debate your life with you, much less able. In fact, it's part of my point: questioning those assumptions has got to start with you, because I can't "prove" anything about your life. It's a matter of belief.

Definitely, though, I'm not saying you have to believe what I believe. I'm not actually interested in "telling you you're wrong"; that's not how I get my jollies. I'm saying that as long as you absolutely believe what you believe, you won't make any progress. As long as you're really thinking about what we say to you, it sounds to me like you've made a start, at least.

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Sometimes. It's not my job telling you whether you're wise or not.

I've made my share of mistakes.

If it's wise, though, why are you struggling against it?

My guess is, because part of you isn't convinced. You didn't compile all those statistics to convince someone else of anything. Maybe it would only be fair to give the part that you're trying to convince equal time.

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Well, so we're still talking about that choice, then.

If you really wanted to believe what they told you, you'dve compiled all the arguments on the side of acceptance, because there are many such arguments, and IrmaJean and the rest of us have been trying to repeat those.

But the choice of which to believe came first, followed by the statistics to prove the rest of us wrong. Why do it in that sequence?

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I know that it's a choice. My choice is based on research and personal experience. Is that not wise?

To be blunt when it comes to research especially then no i dont think it is wise. if you look around long enough you will find varying statistics for anything and everything regardless of who has done it whether it be universitys,medical or website research and 9/10 they forever change anyway.

Have you considered that often people will say what they think is the norm to say and are not fully honest, whether that be to researchers friends,people they have a grudge against fall out with or whoever, because as a rule people dont like to stand out in the crowd.

im not trying to detract from your main problem or demean it in anyway but you seem to refer and rely on that quite a lot so maybe it is worth considering those 'facts' might not be quite as reliable or as accurate as you think i thought i'd answer your question :(

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LE, why would I waste my time listing everything that's acceptable to me?

The only people who will bother to complain are those who have a complaint. You don't hear from all the satisfied customers at all. You know that that sampling bias exists, especially in surveys on a medium like the internet.

Anyway, I won't spend much time trying to do this based on the data and its quality. That doesn't matter to me, I won't be convinced anyway. :-)

I know there are risks, and that those risks have painful outcomes. That's true for everybody. It may be more true for you. But that's very different from 'impossible' and the other absolutes that keep creeping into this discussion.

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maybe there isnt then but ive never looked for anything like that, i have however looked at many other things that have a 101 different statistics, why would that be any different.

this is a bit embarrasing posting this and maybe irrelevant i dont know, but quite a few years ago i met somebody and for the first few dates he never tried anything at all, that was something i had never come across before and was worried it was me! and wrongly or rightly i did whatever i could to change it.

in the end the situation kind of occured when it came to it he couldnt do it and burst into tears, i asked him what was wrong and he couldnt tell me i assumed it was because he had recently seperated from his last g/f, eventually he admitted that he struggled because he had hang ups about his penis size and was embarrased and his ex g/f became frustrated and felt she wasnt good enough.

He was really embarrased but i think he was relieved that eventually he could be open and honest, and we talked for a while, i'll be honest it was difficult for me too because it's a sensitive subject and i was scared of hurting him.

we did end up in the act (im phrasing it politely lol) it was awkward and difficult for him but after a few times his confidence grew,it turned out that he was 16 yrs old! not 20 as he had said so we finished i was 28 at the time and none too happy about it!

im not saying it was a miracle and no longer did he worry im sure thats not true and that it took some time, and im definately not special and dont believe for one minute that i had an awful lot to do with it.

but he was 16 yrs old and with a 28 yr old experienced woman that must have been very very difficult, but if he can manage to overcome it cant somebody older and probably more mature perhaps try to build up some confidence and get out there? i know it cant be easy and i know there will be knock backs there always is in life, but until you try and keep on trying you'll never get to do anything about it.

im sure - in fact i know that Irma and myself arnt the only women who dont give a damn about size.

btw where live is pretty small and ive seen him a few times with a cpl of different girls lke any typical guy his age and he always appears pretty confident with them.

im not very articulate sorry and i hope i havnt said anything offensive or totally missed the point, i just thought perhaps to give a perspective from the 'other side' might at least give you something to think about.

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