missrose Posted June 10, 2008 Report Share Posted June 10, 2008 Hello, i'm a 20 year old college student. I suffered from sexual abuse from my stepfather when I was 16 -18 years old. I have a lot to talk about, but I don't know who to go to. I honestly don't even know where to start because so much has happened in just a couple of years. When I was around the age of 12 my best friends' mother came up to me and said she wanted to have a word with me. What she said changed the way I looked at my step-father for awhile. She put it in a way that I would understad, she simply asked if my stepfather had a "crush" on me. Being so young I really didn't know how to respond to this, so of course I said "No I don't think so?" But it still always made me think. As I got older he gave me a harder time about going out with my friends. My first boyfriend gave me a ring when I was 16 and my stepfather refused to let me wear the ring. I was confused as to why he wouldn't let me wear it, as were my sisters. Not long after that he said he wanted to take me on a vacation to Cocoa Beach. I thought it was a great idea because i'd always heard such wonderful things about the area. The first time I was sexually abused was on this vacation. He said it was okay and that it was normal and that other fathers do it to their daughters all the time. It was brief, but boy did it leave an impact on me . . . I joined dance programs and drama programs at school to keep me occupied and more importantly to keep me from being home. On days when nothing would be going on with one of my clubs I would have to come right home (I was never allowed to go out anywhere after school). What happened when i'd get home is rather disturbing. Whenever I tried to get away from him or say no he became extremely mad. He'd become so upset and almost make me feel guilty or bad for saying no. This happened 3 times a week, sometimes everyday. I'd beg my mom to stay home from work and she never understood why. As time progressed the abuse got worse. I'd rather not talk about what I had to do or what was done to me because I feel asahmed and embarassed. I remember being in an airport waiting to visit my sister in New York. A case came on the news about a daughter being raped by her father. As I was watching the T.V. my friend told me that I could be one of those girls one day if I didnt get out of the house (most of my friends and my sisters saw how sick he was). All I could think in my head was how I am one of those girls. It killed me not to be able to say anything. I recently told my boyfriend of 1 year most of what happened in those 2 years. My niece will be visiting in a few weeks and my stepfather would have to babysit her. I knew it was time to tell my sister because I didn't want my niece to suffer in a way that I do to this day. After telling my boyfriend it gave me the courage to speak to my oldest sister (the mother of my niece) about what had happened. I couldn't bring myself to tell them everything because of the embarassment I feel. Now brings the important question i've been contemplating these past couple of days. Whenever I told him i'd tell my mother what was going on he said he would tell her it was my fault. He always said it was just as much my fault as it is his. Is this is way of taking the guilt off himself? Do I tell my mother or keep it a secret forever? She's always been very fond of him, trusting his every word. I'm afraid she won't believe me and that's my biggest fear at the moment. I'll be moving out as soon as possible, within the next month. I'm really afraid about what will happen if I decide to tell my mother. If you're reading this i'd love to hear some advice. Thanks in advance for the responses and advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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