wasting my youth

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[IrmaJean]

LE, you have made some friends here online. Maybe that is helpful in some way? I hope so...

[iwish6]

hey thanks nearlydead for responding and everyone else. i just need hope. i find it very discouraging that at your age you feel the same way after many years. especially since you also realize that it is a mental prob. yet you have not come to terms with it and moved on. i believe it is possible to get over with it...on our own. there has to be. i personally have not. every fcuking day is thinking about it. whats going on with me? ive never had thsi prob before. im always measuring or comparing it to objects around the house. i cant even get a good night sleep. i wake up early and i cant fall back down. ive done all the research the internet has to offer ND. i know how to pick up women and how to seduce them. how to potray myself as a confident person during the times that i actually do not. before i felt like a dating machine with all the knowledge that i had. i knew what girls wanted mentally and wasnt afraid to give it to them. i also knew the physical part but was reluctant to give that to them. i hope im still good at flirting. i know the right things to say to women and the things not to say. i know the positions that are good. but is not sure if my gf will like them. reassurance is what i need. in this community i feel that i need to be completely honest. this is my therapy.

im mostly pissed off, sad, and maybe concerned about the hand that i was dealt. my older brother and dad do not have this prob so whats up with me? i went through puberty like everyone else, is rather tall (5'10), grew body hair like eveeryone else (more than average body hair). what happened? what went wrong? ive never had any growing prob except i am rather skinny for my height. but i do not think that shouldve affected my growth down under that much. i mean i have a freind who is skinnier than me but is rather average in length and girth. maybe i masturbated too much. maybe everyday since middle school. i wouldve not done it so much if they hadnt said that it is actually good for the health/body except dont do it 3times a day, and bc the action felt good. but now i cant evern bring myself up when i desire anymore and when i do its just not as hard (and im 19!) this shuldnt be happenig until like mid 40 and much older.idk whatever the reason i wouldve told my younger self not to wack off too much...just in case ya know.

i suppose i am rather fortunate in my situaton compared to the others out there. i have never been teased about it..not even from my girlfriend. ive always heard people teasing small dicks in movies and stuff but never thought i was that small. i would even laugh along with no thought about it. icronic huh? i wasnot afraid as much until i started to do research. maybe thats how this all started. if i could go back i would tell the younger me not to measure. not to reasearch. you will only see the harsh reality and it will affect you further. we are humans and we are able to trick our brains into whatever we want. if we think were beautiful than in our minds we are. if we want to block out pain we can...of course reality in going to think other wise (and the pain will actually still be there) but we can block out the thoughts of inadequecy and atleast be able to pleasure ourselves. i do not know your story ND but just by your name i think you are still going through a harsh and miserable time.

i believe myself to be rather good at foreplay. i think that is why whenever my gf and i fool around i feel like there is great passion. ive always made her moan and whatever with my hands and tounge now its just the finale that im worried about. i used to focus on the action at hand may it be kissing or touching and not worry about my penis. iknow thinking positively is "in reality only kidding" myself ND. i know im not big or average and most likely never will be. thinking positively wont change my size or whatever but it will help my state of mind. and your state of mind is what controls everything else. your actions and your life. not the size of our penises. we have to get over it some how. it is ruining our lives. i agree that we cannot control our physical attributes adn that we can control the way we think. doing something is better than nothing. i have a deep fire in me that whants to desperately to get out of this. ican feel it. if im ina pit i will fcuking do my best to crawl out of that ditch. i will become an animal. a 4 inch animal. if i dont succeed i will fall into a greater depression. i need to crawl. i need to keep pulling myself up. ive always been a fighter in poor situations. in this situation its a different fight. a mental fight. we as a community need to help each other. support each other. more positive less negative. we need to stop questioning ourselves and start accepting ourselves. i need hope. we all do.

if there are any women out there who have actually enjoyed under averaged penises and have had good experiences. yours stories would greatly be appreciated. im just a young good looking guy that wants to please my gf bc i love her verymuch. and the thought s of inadequecy is whats holding me back. it brings me to tears to hear all the guys that are in the same boat as me. is it really that bad to be rather small?

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[iwish6]

recluse do you or any of you want to oovoo. its like skype (a video chat). i think we can help each other. if yuo do want to respond. i am sorry but i refuse to let myself degrade and fall apart. ineed support from you guys and i think we all can use each other. i want it to stop affecting my life in such a negative way bc it cant be that bad...my mind refuses to think other wise.

if you want to oovoo(vid chat) respond

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[iwish6]

i was into weed myself. parties and hanging out with friends mostly. cut that out of my life since i didnt really need it to enjoy life and my gf found it unattractive. sucks that you dont have a cam. i think you might be the second youngest person next to me recluse.

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[nearlydead]

For me it is really that bad to be small. The key is to keep yourself from falling into that abyssic state of depression. You want to do your best to keep your small size from affecting other areas of your life.

Recluse has hit the nail on the head. The above is the only fight to be fought. I wish I had thought about solutions when I was younger, rather than just going straight to depression, and all the other negative emotions, actions etc.

I think we are all more or less in the same boat, in that size has led to depression, which then affects ever area of our lives. For myself, maybe Recluse, and deffinately Lifeless, depression is the greater enemy at the moment. By fighting the depression, we all maybe able to get to a point where we can think slightly more positively about our size, or at least not so negatively, either is beneficial. Below is a link to a site run by the Scottish health authority. This site is interactive, has won lots of awards, and is being modelled by lots of other mental care providers. It is CBT based, which I think appeals to me, in that it offers practicle exercises, rather than just blather. Check it out, I am finding it usefull, and I usually dismiss this type of stuff as voodoo, which now I am told is some new kind of camming device:rolleyes:

http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/

Lifeless, I know that you are in a real hole mentally at the moment. Myself and others have been there too. It is really hard when in that place to find the motivation to do anything to help yourself. But since you are intelligent, whether depressed or not, you may benefit from the above site IF you at least read through some of the modules, and maybe put one into practice. I know you feel totally fucked at the moment, and that is a terrible place to be. But dont make it worse by getting into booze. There are complete strangers around here who wish you well.

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[IrmaJean]

Lifeless, the drinking is probably something you have been using as a means of attempting to escape from your pain. I'm sorry that you're in such pain.

I can't but wonder if the situation with you is complicated by many other factors as well. Perhaps this downward spiral began with the grief of the loss of your relationship and you never properly dealt with that. I agree with Recluse about employment. It could be helpful to feel useful and productive in some way. Getting out in the world in some manner would also provide you with some type of human interaction.

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[IrmaJean]

Who's going to hire me? I'm 34. I've worked a total of about two years in my life and not at all in the last seven. I have no references. How am I going to get a job that a woman my age will respect? At 34, I'm expected to have accomplished something by now and have a decent job. Women my age aren't attracted to burger-flippers. That's not what they're looking for.

I think that the first step to take should be for you. You can't kick a field goal from your own 10 yard line. It's a place to start. If it has to be burger-flipping to begin with then you begin there and build your way up the ladder.

I'm a loser.

Do something to change that inner belief. If you continue to beat yourself down you are giving that lie the power in your life. Maybe it's time to take some power back. Silence your inner critic. Take the first step and do something proactive. Make a choice to heal. What is holding you back, LE?

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[nearlydead]

Lifeless,

I think at the moment you are scared shitless, you realise that you have got yourself down to the lowest point possible, and your angry at yourself for it. You realise that any action you take will not cure anything, and will take forever, the mountain is to high and hard to climb. You dont even know if its worth climbing. At the moment your choices are suicide or a life of further misery. Just having that choice alone is misery.

I too was in exactly the same place, I've picked the place, method, time and date. What im going to take, the phone number of the local police station, the different letters written (parents/police/landlord etc) closed bank accounts, telephone/net subscriptions, last meal, planned my last hours, even worked out how many seconds it will take me to fall 190 feet with a plastic bag over my head sealed with duct tape.

But after all that, making it a reality has actually really frightened me, because I could actually do it. But since I could actually do it, why dont I just go out and kill a policeman, I'd get 20 years in jail, I've been in before, free meals, free accommodation and cell mates to talk too, which is a 100% better life than I am living now. I know you will not take suicide as an option because of your love for your dad, and I'm not recommending killing a policeman either.(Traffic Wardens excepted though:D) But you need to give some thought to what you are going to do, because your life is not a life at the moment, it is only torture.

If you continue doing what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. You need to make changes. Change is scary. I think you need to take a step back from the big picture and concentrate on changing the little things first. Sort your sleep patterns, sort your diet and excercise, sort some voluntary work for expeirence and references, set your self a goal of 5 years. Because if you do not change you will be exactly like me/you only older and with many more miserable years under your belt. Change yourself slowly for the better.

Another thing, throughout your posts you are always stating that you are "inadequate" "unsuitable" to be with any woman. YOU ARE WRONG! Try being a little nicer to yourself for a change.

[IrmaJean]

I wish I could think of some way to help you, LE. You an I share a lot of the same difficulties, such as anxiety and feelings of inadequacy...though I am feeling much better about myself now. I want you to feel better too. I want you to want to feel better. I hope that you do. Please don't give up hope.

You seem like a good person with a kind heart. Those traits are so very valuable. I wish you could see that and believe in yourself. Are you able to talk with any family members about this right now?

Maybe think of taking one small positive step as a way to begin digging yourself out of the hole, a way of finding some light and hope, a way to see a promising future...small steps forward...a little bit at a time. There are people who care, LE.

Edited November 15, 2009 by IrmaJean

[lifeless existence]

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Edited January 10, 2010 by lifeless existence

[iwish6]

just for the heads up. i am about to write another rant which was spurred by Lifelesses concerns. if you do read my story you may compare it to your life and may either get depressed further or you can see it as an inspiring peice on how a stubborn 19 year old sees his situation. its all perspective and how you react..just like how we all react mentally to our prob. in any case posting this will make me feel better.

ihave a gf who is beautiful (and not just to my standards..i have high standards anyway. she has excellent morals and is very smart. weve done everything other than actual intercourse. we havnt had sex yet bc we are both virgins. for her its a moral thing..for me i believe it is bc i am insecure about it. she doesnt know that i am insecure about it and i dont plan on ever telling her.

we say "i love you" almost everyday...and we mean it. i believe love is a deep feeling for another caused by certain actions. both emotional and physical. im not sure whether any of you have ever been in love but if you have im sure you can agree with me on the following...i love how she looks at me, the feeling of warm embrace when we hold each other and cuddle. the feeling of a deeper connection. whenever i hold her hand or wrap my arm around her i hope that she feels protected.

bc she is beautiful she is capaple of going out with any guy she chooses. someone that is more muscular than me, better looking, smarter, and of course a bigger dick. in fact i dont even have my lisence so she drives me around all the time. in fact she has a well paid part time job and i dont. in fact im average in intellegence and shes a straight A student striving to be an engineer. in fact i have a small penis. all these things could get to her but what i do best is that i make sure i rock her world in every dating aspect other than intercourse. thats the secret. i was able to go out with her bc i did what no other guy has done. i made sure i was different than every other guy. i made sure i was the most witty, clever, quick, fun, funny, spontaneous, confident, (on the outside atleast...in the inside i believe myself to be a mess), morally in tune, sarcastic, good conversationalist, person that shes met in her life. in every relationship that ive attempted i saw it as a game. i like flirting bc i wanted to see if i had what it took to get the girl. and most of the time i was able to. but so far have not gone all the way bc i am afraid of the next step and how good i will be. the point is if your able to portray to the outside world and to whoever you are attracted to that youre their one in a million then you have a higher chance of getting that person. and hopefully when it comes down to it that person will overlook what us guys on this forum believe to be the most important thing in life (size). sure we might get teased, we might get laughed at, they might talk behind our backs. i refuse to let what im born with affect my way of life. i found my one in a million and i hope im her one in a billion. never give up guys. never. yourmind will try to trick you into thinking you are useless and not worth it. the way you think is something you can change. beauty is all around us gentleman. life itself is a beautiful game. how we choose to play it is up to us. i have a small penis...and i love it!

[Guest existindeath]

iwish6 and for all,

There is a perspective you all seem to want. A validation to help you over come this issue and finally lay it to rest.. A woman's point of view perhaps is what you are really seeking to answer your doubts?

I'll start with iwish6...having a girlfriend whom you care so much about and its mutual to my understanding. Do you really think she will love you any less or that your penis size will matter when someone truly cares about you?

With woman its all mental; if she likes a man (guy) the size will not play a factor in the pleasure or gratification she will receive. If you are wondering why... its because she wants to share this special experience with you in particular and no one else. The wanting of sex will be satisfied by you. Did you know that woman get off mentally on any guy they are into when having sex?

While yes there are men with bigger and smaller... it does not matter at the time if you are the desire that they seek. That will be enough to advance the experience to satisfaction. Later on you can experiment with positions etc...if it's mutually agreed too and within each others comfort zone.

Now to be frank... yes sex with a man that is larger can be pleasurable but sometimes you don't even notice because your not that involved mentally. I've talked to other woman about this and its the same. If the guy (man) means nothing to you or your not horny then most likely nothing will be gained for full sexual gratification.

The old saying is true... knowing how to use it helps. Motion to the ocean or rhythm is satisfying to many.

Now to speak of this condom fear... "the slip off" ... the grief or embarrassment that follows. Get over it!... it comes off on bigger ones also. Its pulled off by the tightness or swelling of the woman while having sex. They do occasionally come off regardless of size. It just happens...part of sex with a rubber.

Woman or girls talking about how they prefer a large penis is like a guys(men) talking about how they prefer a tight vagina. Of course everyone thinks bigger is better at one time or another and so on... in the end other things matter more. Sex can be fun regardless of size if you don't dwell on it.

While this is all unfortunate... welcome to the world of having to be perfect. For years now woman have been bombarded with being skinny ... looking like a ten... wearing makeup to attract men...anything less you were made to feel worthless. Now all of a sudden there are commercials about Viagra on just about every channel and these male enhancement products to be larger. Well welcome to the world of making one feel insecure and self conscious... cause that is what they are doing... just like they have been for decades to women.

This is a suggestion... stop reading about this crap on the internet... stop comparing yourself and go enjoy your life and don't dwell on this. Go out and get a girlfriend and have fun and if it leads to sex just do it and stop worrying. Also the concern that a girl (woman) will talk about you is the same concern she has about you talking about her. Only the truly insensitive jerks out there go out of their way to do that. Though let's face some truths here... it's mostly men who talk and brag... and every woman hates it.

iwish6 I'm glad your finally seen the truth on your own.

[iwish6]

thanks existindeath. your post was much helpful to my train of thought. you have helped me to better realize the deep connection that love brings. its the simple pleasures that your loved one brings you and not exactly the pleasure that sex can bring. sex should be shared between the one you love and no one else. thats what makes it special...the deeper connection. sex bonds the two of you (emotionally/physically). pleasure is just the frosting. im beginning to reali

i do agree that we all must stop comparing. that includes stop watching guy on girl porn. constant measuring. constantly posting negative forums about our size. prac being comfortable about yourself and everthing about you. every time you have a negative thought immediately say "i love myself and i love my penis." this may sound rediculous but then again if you think its rediculous its going to be rediculous. if you can fully love yourself it wouldnt matter what other people think and people will begin loving you. if you question this motiv then you will already know that you dont fully love yourself. try not to question yourself too much for it might lead you to question if your normal. no body is normal. no body is perfect. were all different. we come in different shapes and sizes.

i know that a lot of you are feeling down and just want to quit on life. Dont. please dont. if you need a friend ill be here. if you want to talk...ill be here. i love each and every one of you bc together we just want to be accepted. to be loved. to be held. i love you guys. and im positive theres somone out there that will love you for you.

[Recluse]

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Edited January 11, 2010 by Recluse

[IrmaJean]

I haven't read the past few posts, as I am pressed for time this AM, but I wanted to pose a question for Lifeless.

If you were on this board as a newcomer and you wanted to help yourself, what thoughts would you have to offer to yourself?

[robyn]

This is stirring stuff everybody. Can I suggest another option? I have 2 brothers with a severe case of this 'condition' and they are both handling it very differently. Whilst my younger brother currently is failing to cope our elder one is enjoying a great life and is highly successful. We have not heard or seen evidence of girlfriends so there are 3 possiblities; 1. Hes gay and doesnt want to upset Mum (unlikely as we are progressive), 2.Hes straight but is waiting to introduce her to the family 3. Hes single and is cool with that.

Lets assume 3. shall we?. Hes managed to carve out a life for himself without the need for a partner- hes as happy as many couples I know. Relationships have to be worked at- its not all walks in the park and candlelit dinners!! And as millions of vibrator owning women will tell you, gratification can be resolved in other ways! Just another view point.........