TerrifiedUser Posted December 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 I don't think anyone can tell you what 'counts' in this situation, Terrified, because I'm pretty sure the professionals don't test for pedophilia using a masturbation test ... The way I see it, the test you've set yourself is similar to imagining having sex with a woman, and at the last second, she turns into a younger girl, and you have to see whether you stop or not.I'm pretty sure that's never going to happen to you.A pedophile seeks out children. He takes one, he makes them do sexual things, and he probably doesn't see what's wrong with that.That's not you. What you need to do is to give yourself some relief, by finding out what causes you to worry like this, and putting a stop to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) g Edited July 11, 2013 by TerrifiedUser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamesdean21 Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) -------------------- Edited January 5, 2010 by jamesdean21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David O Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Good morning Terrified,It seems you're locked in a cycle of worry and that you're now recycling your anxieties. I can see how this would be immobilizing at times. Worrying is actually a good thing (and it may be a protective factor with you) especially if it compels you to take action and problem solve an issue, which I'm not sure has happened here. However, at it's extremes, it can be paralyzing, which is where you seem to be headed or you may feel you're already there. Here are some steps to take:You should worry more, in fact, you should worry much more, more intensely and without stopping-- BUT, you should do so in a controlled manner. The first thing to do is to establish a “worry period”- preferably in the afternoon long before bedtime (or any time where you have an hour to devote to this very important activity) so that it does not disrupts your sleep. It should be done daily, at the same time and in the same location-- don't deviate.In your 1st worry period, write down all of your worry thoughts, everything you worry about, why you worry about it, and then write down why it's important to worry (i.e., justify to yourself and even us if you'd like, why worrying is important and necessary). This is when you give yourself permission to worry-- the rest of the day, however, is a worry-free zone. If you get into a situation where you begin to worry, tell yourself that you'll be home soon and that you'll be devoting an hour to worrying about this issue. When your worry period begins, go over every worrisome issue that came up-- delve into each one with fervor and energy. Go over each issue 5-10 times, from every angle and insist that it's important to worry about this b/c after all, you've been worrying about it and therefore it merits worrying time. If you find that over time your worrying less during your worry period, intensify your effort to worry more, be sure and fill up the worry time with worrying activities connected directly to the real issue.After a week of intense worrying, begin writing down all of the negative thoughts that precede your worrying. I worry about ____________ because of ________________. Look at each sentence carefully during your worry period and ask yourself: Now, Terrified, is this really an issue or something to worry about?" Treat the worrying issue as if it is a fact and then develop the absolute worse case scenario for what would happen if you didn't worry about that issue (I will die, I won't be able to walk, my family will abandon me, ....). These sound silly, but I've heard incredible rationales for why people worry about things. To further stop worrying, begin asking yourself during your worry period: a) What proof do I have that these worry thots are true and real? Is there another way to see this, a more reality based way? What's the probability that my worry issue will actually cause something to happen? How does worrying about eye contact help me have less of an issue with it-- in fact, how bad is it to have some eye contact or to have none? If my best friend Sam had this problem, what would be my most solid advice to him?I think we've touched on the initial steps to challenge your worrying. I apologize if my tongue in cheek approach made light of your issue--- that was actually my intent, to have you eventually look at your worry as a manufactured concern with no basis. It's amazing what laughing at one's self can do for healing. Finally, keep in mind that this may take 3-5 weeks of consistent, daily application before you begin to see reults-- it will not be an overnight result as some people hope for.Good luck and I hope this helps,David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 (edited) g Edited July 11, 2013 by TerrifiedUser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David O Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 should I worry more because the issue because it is serious, and I am a danger to children, or because it will simply help me deal with my issues better mentallyI'm not sure you're a danger to children.. you've yet to demonstrate this; however, here's my seat of the pants response-- if your anxiety prevents you from actually seeking out young girls, then it is protective, as I mentioned. Only you will ever know this. Does it prevent you from seeking out pre-teens or is it a worry that is based solely on you mb behaviors? We always have to be careful when trying to remove a protective behavior/cognition, as it may present worse problems down the line.The purpose for this exercise is b/c your worrying has become a cyclical pattern that is beginning to interfere with your life. It is designed to help with the excessive worrying only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David O Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Whenever I mb to memories (which i mostly do, I rarely have reference) I always think of adults, except for the one case which caused my to make this thread. If this is the sum total of why you started the thread, then pedophilia is nowhere close to the issue. I just think that if I forced myself to mb to a picture, surely it doesn't count, I mean, I really didn't want to mb to it before I thought that it might be a good indication to if I had feelings for it buried in me. This is the real issue-- an obsessional worrying that has you chasing your tail. I think this is what almost all of us have been saying all along, but you haven't been able to listen, so you recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and .........................What do you think?David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David O Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 Good morning Terrified,Given your last response, my suggestion would be that you return to post #32 and follow the exercises. Stay with it for several weeks and then see what happens. The way to gauge yourself will be the time of day in which you write in to the forum. For example, if you're posting at 2PM or 11AM or 9Am or any other time that is not at the designated worry time (i.e., 6PM or 7PM every night), then you'll have one method for assessing your ability to follow the recommendations.I realize this may stretch you a bit, especially since you've been used to worrying and writing in about it whenever the issues become overwhelming or when you choose. Keep in mind that you should follow the exercises to a "T" for >3 weeks. So, tell which day you'll start and what your designated time will be and then we'll take it from there.Good luck Terrified,David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) g Edited July 11, 2013 by TerrifiedUser Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David O Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Hey, I've just had an idea. I mean I am feeling good right now because no matter what I will always be way more attracted to people my age and olderBut I was thinking, is it possible that the occasionaly moment of arrousal I got from this picture was just because of the idea of being nude outdoors turning me on. Terrified, I know this is extremely hard, but the key point is not that the picture was arousing... there may be more in your life. Most men, if honest, will tell you that they can be aroused by teens or even pre-teens at times. This is not a sign of deep seated pathology, it seems to be part of the male psyche, rooted in tradition or maybe some biology and evolution, and maybe even some old fashioned self psychology.I can't tell you how aggravating it's been to be the father of an incredibly beautiful and exotic looking daughter. Walking thru the mall with her, even when she was 13-14, and watching men drool and gawk at her, was mind boggling and irritating. Now I have a stunningly beautiful step-daughter with brains, a daughter who is exotic looking and also pretty tough, and it's maddening to be in public with them. We're talking about 30-40-50 year old men!!! The difference is that most will not think twice about these indiscretions-- you, on the other hand, will be ruminating about this for days. I don't say this to be insensitive and mean spirited, it's just an observation. Have you been doing the exercises? I encourage you to try it and stick with it for 2-3 weeks. While doing this, may I suggest that you look at other threads and begin sharing your wisdom and experience with others-- this may give you perspective and also help others along the way. Good luck,David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David O Posted December 26, 2009 Report Share Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) Oh and I'd be happy to contribute to any other threads, I've always just doubted anyone could want advice from meMost folks here are fellow sufferers and come with the ability to empathize, support, and encourage others--- this requires no special skills or knowledge. Many bring great wisdom and insight, but overall, just being there can be extremely therapeutic and healing. I also think that your answering other threads may help give you perspective and keep you from becoming too self analytical and self absorbed, which may reduce some of the ruminations you're experiencing.I also wanted to comment that you've been a good sport about this. We've mildly hammered on you and pushed you a few times, and your attitude is consistently one of openness, forthrightness, willingness to look at yourself and an honesty of your search for truth. If all my clients responded this way I'd have the most successful practice in the US. Good luck Terrified, hope to see you contributing to others,David Edited December 26, 2009 by David O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 26, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulianP Posted December 27, 2009 Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 (edited) deleted..... Edited February 9, 2010 by JulianP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 (edited) g Edited July 11, 2013 by TerrifiedUser thank you is in fact two seperate words Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerrifiedUser Posted December 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2009 g Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted December 28, 2009 Report Share Posted December 28, 2009 Terrified,One more time: if you can't tell if you were aroused, then you weren't! :-)Can you tell you're obsessing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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