I Am Nuts

[Mr Nut Man]

Yes I am nuts. That is honest as I can get. I am in recovery. I have over two years clean off of drugs, but I find myself lost. I have health issues which are driving me insane. I just am fed up with living most of the time. So want to go back to my using just to escape the reality of life today. Searching and not finding. I do go to AA/NA but more and more I am sick and tired of hearing all the crap about a God also. I am not sure if I believe or if I don't believe.

Just confused.

Mr Nut Man

[SuziQ]

First, you are clean today and going back to drugs won't change your life for the better. Stay clean.

Second, find a mental health clinic that will help you with the problems of living.

Third, find a doctor to help you with your health problems.

Several people on this post have found a lot of help with Rational Therapy. I always used therapy in addition to AA/NA. I did not ask permission of anyone in the program. There are a lot of things we missed using drugs and it sometimes feels like just too much. Life can be very difficult. I, also, am not so sure about God---but I do have some beliefs. If He exists, I do not not believe he is some "sugar daddy in the sky who will take care of all my problems". Just because someone is clean and sober, it does not mean they are rational. There are some who are and some who aren't. Choose the ones who are doing well to speak with. Don't get caught up in the God thing. Spend your time and energy making a productive life for yourself and those around you. If there is a God, he will still be there when you get your life together and if there isn't one, you are wasting a lot of energy that could be put to better use. The one belief I use is that as long as I stay clean and sober, I can, at some point, make the changes I need to make. If I am not, my life will be chaos again.

[Mr Nut Man]

Thank you for your reply

I am just having a bad day and yeah I agree with a lot of what you have said. I was on anti-d's for a long time but have been off of them for around a month, usually doing well within my head but sometimes it is just hard to deal with life when you don't have anyone left in your life.

I am doing much better this evening and yeah I do a lot of other things beside the AA/NA way also which has helped me to stay grounded. I am grateful for all the information that we have available today. Thanks again and nice to meet you

[Mark]

Hey Nut Man - Welcome to our little community.

There is this concept called Dual Diagnosis - which basically means it is possible to be both an alcoholic and also have some other kind of mental health concern at the same time. Such as depression, or anxiety problems, or whathaveyou. AA is a great thing if you find it to be helpful. There are elements in some rooms that are hostile to outside therapy or psychiatric treatment, which is a terrible shame, becuase if you do have a dual diagnosis issue (or just lean in that direction), psychotherapy and/or properly prescribed psychiatric medications can be of enormous help. So you might look into either or both options if you think you might be depressed.

Drinking alcohol can contribute to the development and maintainance of a depression, but after two years of sobriety (congradulations, BTW!) that shouldn't be an issue.

What is it about living that has you so fed up? Can you put it into words?

Mark

[SuziQ]

Hi again,

Two years is a really rough time in sobriety. We can get really hard on ourselves---thinking we should be farther ahead. The euphoria of getting clean and the fog left behind from using are clearing away. It was a very hard time for me. As my mind cleared, I began to question just about everything--AA/NA--God--the people in AA/NA--was it worth it--where I was going--and on and on. You are beginning to find yourself and it will be a lifelong journey---and an amazing one. It will be filled with ups and downs, but you are now available to deal with them. Getting off the anti-d may also have some side effects-- Just know that being available is a great way to live, even if it isn't fun some days.

Susan

[Mr Nut Man]

Thanks again and nice to meet ya Mark! I would so love to put it all into words which I do all over the net but I am trying to find me a safe place away from all those who already know me so I won't post a lot of stuff right now. I am sure that if one of them did seek out a forum like this that I did, they would already know me just by the way that I talk or type if you will. I will PM you a couple of links if that is OK to my own stuff but I don't think I should list them here I know what my rules are but I haven't really read a lot of things here yet.

It is nice to be able to come here! I will really try to behave I have issues and a lot of them and sometimes I loose my cool well a lot of times. I was just thinking today that I am really a irritable person here lately. I have a lot of stress issues with health and family health that isn't good. I also am a over-do-it person and I seem to always be trying to do more and more just to keep out of my own head. Usually that isn't good either.

OK have to run I will PM ya a link to my story if ya will and a site that I walk everyday Take care and next time I come here I will take a look around and see if maybe I can help someone else out.

Last night there was someone that posted a message in there profile when I was on line and needed help. They just joined also. I really like the membership that you have going for such a short time.