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About being small and being small

curtailed

By curtailed
in Small Penis Syndrome

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nearlydead Senior Member

nearlydead

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I couldn't agree more. Anonymity is the whole reason why women are opening up about this online. I'd even be willing to bet that some of these same women who openly say that size matters while online will lie and say that size doesn't matter to them when they're around other women they don't know well and when they're in the presence of men.

You bet they will. Studies show that women today are just as likely to cheat as men and we all know that a lack of sexual fulfillment is one of, if not the biggest reason people cheat. And here's where it's even easier for them to look elsewhere in our case: If we were average size and the woman wanted someone larger than average, it would be more difficult for her to find someone. But it's easy as pie for a woman with a small partner to find someone larger. Any other guy they meet is most likely going to be bigger than us.

LL and Rec,

In some cases, you two will be right, and in some cases you WILL BE WRONG.

Of the 50+ I have slept with, all came back for more, meaning I couldnt of been that bad a fuck. 4 or 5 have made comments about my size, that I know of. So add to that maybe another 10 who kept their negative thoughts to themselves for arguments sake, that makes 15/20 women who I have slept with who thought badly of me purely down to size. That still leaves 30/35 who had a good time.

I agree younger women are the most likely to be less tolerent of smaller guys. But I beleive this is down to peer pressure and little expeirence. The women who were derogortory about me were all under 23. But the majority were ok with it and came back for more. It is self defeating for the both of you to think this way when niether of you has put yourself out there for real world expeirence. Could thinking this way be a defence, a reason for you not to get out there, a way of avoiding fear?

Recluse, you know what it is to stand in a ring ready to fight someone who has been training for weeks to kick your ass, yet you face your fear and fought. As a fighter you will know after the sore face and kidneys, its the pride that hurts the most. But when you win "the stories you can tell":)

There probably are women out there who have finished relationships because of size. But more women will have had affairs of finished with men for different reasons like alcholism, gambling, drugs, women beaters, lack of money, emotional abuse etc.

Agreed, as we are all in the lowest 5% of size range, we will be the smallest sizes that most women will have seen. It is the shame of knowing that which hurts me the most, along with the fear that they will be negative to me and my friends (if I had any). But again that is a fear rightly or wrongly that we all must overcome.

Recluse said: The only place to go from here is finding healthier ways to manage the hopelessness and depression associated with this condition.

After years of beating ourselves up (I win on this count) you are right. In order to progress we all have to manage our depression (this is especially true of you Lifeless).

But the main tenant of depression is that we all focus every thought on the negative of every situation, so everything becomes negative, black and hopeless, which just piles up and up making everything totally shit.

We have to police these thoughts, and come up with alternative views. It is scary and harder than facing a crowd of Millwall fans. But it has to be done.

I hope you two dont think Im having a go. I just need somebody else to fight this with, to come up with answers. We all know the "why nots" but we need to find the "What ifs" and "Could be's".

Curtailed, deleting that post shows that you are policing your thoughts and taking corrective action. It feels better to fight, does'nt it?

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IrmaJean Senior Member

IrmaJean

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There probably are women out there who have finished relationships because of size. But more women will have had affairs of finished with men for different reasons like alcholism, gambling, drugs, women beaters, lack of money, emotional abuse etc.

Exactly! Very true, ND.

LE, I know you are seeking a long-term relationship. I've been married 20 years (on January 5) and I can tell you our relationship is not based on sex. What you end up with is a best friend with whom you want to share yourself with emotionally, spiritually and physically. It's not all about sex, guys, it really isn't. Sex is important, but it isn't what's most important. At least, not to me. I know there are others. Some women who say they leave a relationship because of sex are likely experiencing this as a symptom of deeper problems within the relationship. When the love is there, the sex will likely be satisfying and pleasurable. When other aspects of the relationship are lacking, the sexual aspect of the relationship will likely reflect this deficiency. But the root of the problems may come from elsewhere. Just some more thoughts...

ND is right. These views lead you further into blackness. There are other ways to look at things, but you have to at least give them the chance. Try challenging yourself and straining your mind. Take one thought and allow an alternative. I know this is a struggle, but it can be done if you are willing to try.

I also agree that some of you may be using what you see as a "certain outcome" as a protective measure to keep you from getting out there and trying. Good insight, ND.

ND also makes some valid points about peer pressure playing a part in the way younger women say they feel about this. And it seems he has some facts to back this up from his own experiences. Might be worth taking a look at and considering.

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nearlydead Senior Member

nearlydead

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Rec, I'm glad you recognize the change has to be to our minds, as we cannot change our size, it is the only form of self help available. The key now is to act on it. Did you check out the "Living Life to the full" website. There's some good stuff on there which has helped me a little with noticing and changing my automatic reactions.

Youre 2nd paragraph speaks of Guilt. This is just another method you use to beat yourself up with, I'm guilty of the same. I beat myself up using guilt, labelling (calling myself names), and worst of all procrastinating. Using the website above has taught me to notice and recognise myself doing this. Once you recognise yourself doing it, you can stop it.

agian youre right, depression colours every thought we have. Notice it, change it!

Whatever you do, dont lose your mates. I think probably the main reason you are reluctant to socialise with them, is that it puts you in danger of meeting women, who you then have to avoid, which then makes you anxious and on edge with your mates. Maybe you could arrange to meet your mates at a gym or somewhere else, as long as it is not in a bar you could be fine. At least this keeps you in contact with freinds. As Lifeless and I can tell you, at least having friends you can spend time with is a valuable resource, which is sorely missed if you let them go.

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nearlydead Senior Member

nearlydead

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I have real world experience. I've been with 7 different women. Not a single one of them did anything that would indicate they were enjoying it when we had sex.

Sorry mate, forgot about these women. How many of these relationships did the women finish with you over size, or was it for other reasons?

The only reason I have not commited suicide is it turns out I am a coward. I planned it, found my jump site, closed bank accounts and wrote letters (without posting) etc. But when it came close to the day, I just could''nt do it. I feel guilty about it. That by convincing myself I was going to kill myself, and then not, I have wasted 10 years.

So since then (6 weeks or so) I have sorted my sleep patterns, read through and done some of the modules on that site, started to police my thoughts. Put a bull shit C.V. together and am trying to get a job. Planned a diet and excercise regime (have yet to start it yet after missing 3 days deadlines). Basically trying to shake things up a bit. Realising I cannot kill myself for real has been the push I have needed for years.

However, in my new darker moments I have come up with a new stupid plan. That is kill a police man. This gets me life in prison. 3 meals a day, a roof over my head paid for. And other people to socialise with. No need to humilate myself in front of women. I came up with about 20 benefits why I should do this. I wont of course, but it is an interesting plan B:rolleyes:

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nearlydead Senior Member

nearlydead

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Only three of them were relationships and I strongly suspect that my size played a role in all three breakups.

"Strongly suspect" that suggests that A) None of the 3 told you to your face size was the problem, and ;) If it was not all the problem, then there must of been other reasons why they broke up with you besides size. Think shades of grey, not black and white.

List one other reason besides size why each of the girls broke up with you.

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nearlydead Senior Member

nearlydead

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All I ever got from them was the usual bullshit. You know....."I need space", "It's not you", blah, blah, blah. But I could sense that they weren't happy, and it's no secret that sexual dissatisfaction magnifies problems outside of the bedroom. Like I've said before, none of the women I've been with ever made a sound or did anything else that would indicate that they were enjoying the sex. Unhappiness in the bedroom = unhapiness out of the bedroom.

So they COULD of finished with you for any number of reasons, particularly as they did'nt come right out and say anything about your size or the sex you shared.

You could of answered the question and listed 3 other possible reasons why they finished with you, but you chose not to. Blaming the entire failure on your size instead. I think you chose to answer in this way because it is an easier answer than actually having to think about things in a SLIGHTLY different way.

"Woe is me, my life is shit" is an unpleasant place to live. But it is easier than fighting that mentality, Yes?

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IrmaJean Senior Member

IrmaJean

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All I ever got from them was the usual bullshit. You know....."I need space", "It's not you", blah, blah, blah. But I could sense that they weren't happy, and it's no secret that sexual dissatisfaction magnifies problems outside of the bedroom. Like I've said before, none of the women I've been with ever made a sound or did anything else that would indicate that they were enjoying the sex. Unhappiness in the bedroom = unhapiness out of the bedroom.

LE, I think this is where your thinking might be a bit confused. And I don't mean that in any negative kind of way, but just as an observation. It's seeing sex as the main reason behind everything else and I really do not believe this to be true. I believe the opposite to be true. Unhappiness outside of the bedroom=unhappiness inside the bedroom, I would think at least more often than not. If there is love, I find it very difficult to believe that sex alone would be a deal-breaker. The sexual dissatisfaction is a symptom of deeper problems. Just my opinion and I know it is different from yours.

I'm curious, LE, what feeling do you have when you try considering an alternative perspective? Anger? Fear?

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