About being small and being small

[Recluse]

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[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

The main attribute we would need a woman to have would be that she would have to not care about enjoying penetrative sex.

And you are 100% certain that you could never provide that? It just seems through a lot of these posts, that some of you are trying to prove your point that your situation is indeed hopeless rather than looking at alternative ways of thinking. It's important to express yourself and have your voice heard, but maybe also try giving some of these other ideas a chance. It can feel like a strain on your brain at first, but once your mind begins opening up to different possibilities, those possibilities may become much more plausible. Recluse, in the post above your intelligence is quite clear. This is an attractive trait. Why not soak up your own strengths?

I would NEVER say anything denigrating about the size of a man's penis. Not all women are like this.

[Recluse]

dfasdfasd

[nearlydead]

The Cure for me is two parts:

1) Love being small. This stops self hate, guilt, anger, shame.

2) Ignore everybody elses opinion or reaction. This stops self hate, guilt, anger, shame.

This cure is a question of degree's. We can only be cured to a degree. The closer you get to believeing the cure 100%. The closer you become to being a simpleton.

Somebody once posted on this board the idea of abstinance. I think it may be worth exploring the idea of finding happiness as a recluse. Being a recluse you dont need to interact with anyone, which is immediately 50% easier as you get rid of the need to overcome No:2.

Being a recluse untill death means that you never have to use your penis for anything other that urinating, which then gets rid of problem No:1.

All these pages of waffle and it boils down to "Live with it"

[malign]

I'dve made #1 be "Love being yourself". For one thing, then it works for everyone.

And yeah, damn straight, in the end, there's only one person who has to live with you; might as well just make him happy and to heck with the rest of 'em. :-)

[Recluse]

asdfsdaf

[IrmaJean]

although as lifeless says, I could be better off not knowing what I'm missing.

About being better off not knowing, I can't say I really feel this way. Again, I think it's how you look at things. You might think of all that you are missing...or you might think of all that you have gained...even within a loss. When you love someone, you are able to identify and get in touch with parts of yourself that are very valuable. What you feel is also a gift to yourself in the knowledge of all that you have to offer. These aspects can never be lost once you become aware of them. They are part of yourself. This is internal validation. I know this might sound kind of flowery, but I truly believe in this. I am not sorry for loving anyone that I have lost. I think, for me, when the worst case scenario happened with my friend (She was in a great deal of pain and I wanted to help her, but ended up feeling more harmful than helpful), I understood then that I survived through it. It may have hurt, but it didn't break me. I am a stronger person than I ever gave myself credit for in the past. In fact, that very disaster led me down the path to where I am now...in a much healthier and happier place. So sometimes life unfolds in ways you might not expect it to as well. The bad stuff may even lead you to the good stuff. It's an adventure and a crap shoot in many ways. I think choosing to be reclusive means your fears are getting the upper hand. Maybe let some of your anger about all of this work to your advantage and fight for yourself. Fight for what you really want and not what you feel you have to settle for. I guess I got off on a tangent there, but just some thoughts...

[curtailed]

I feel there is a certain inevitability in talking about these things. Working the situation we learn to juggle emotions and certain realities, and we come better at accepting life.

About living life without the usual pressures ... yeah I've considered it but come to the conclusion that I shouldn't do any big decisions before I've dealt with my life. If I did become for example a monk, I'd want to do it out of my free will and not because I'm running from my life. I don't think I'd be happy in a monastery. It would just be a long detour before I eventually came to recognize I need to deal with whatever was bothering me in the first place.

As human beings I think we have so much more potential than we're giving ourselves credit. We need to learn to re-define ourselves from the perspective that we have certain restrictions, instead of trying to live up to the standards of what's normal. What if we had accepted what's down in our pants? We could instead define sexuality through intimacy, strength, security, sense of self-worth, caring and ultimately love? I'm taking a leap of faith here but I believe the physical parts can be overridden by having the brain in the game. (The brain is the biggest sexual organ, btw.) To do this we need to be emotionally healthy, strong, masculine entities. I think that's also a personal stated goal, although it isn't something you often write or say aloud.

Restated: I want to be a healthy, strong, masculine man. I take responsibility for my choices and define what lies ahead in my future. I define the relationships I'm in and choose the people who I think are worthy of my time. I take charge of my life and have control over the way people treat me.

[JulianP]

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[IrmaJean]

As human beings I think we have so much more potential than we're giving ourselves credit. We need to learn to re-define ourselves from the perspective that we have certain restrictions, instead of trying to live up to the standards of what's normal. What if we had accepted what's down in our pants? We could instead define sexuality through intimacy, strength, security, sense of self-worth, caring and ultimately love? I'm taking a leap of faith here but I believe the physical parts can be overridden by having the brain in the game. (The brain is the biggest sexual organ, btw.) To do this we need to be emotionally healthy, strong, masculine entities. I think that's also a personal stated goal, although it isn't something you often write or say aloud.

Restated: I want to be a healthy, strong, masculine man. I take responsibility for my choices and define what lies ahead in my future. I define the relationships I'm in and choose the people who I think are worthy of my time. I take charge of my life and have control over the way people treat me.

Curtailed, this is wonderful to hear. I put in bold the one sentence you wrote that I find very powerful and very true. I love your new positive outlook. Good for you! All of you guys have the brains. You are all very well-spoken and intelligent and express yourself clearly. Intelligence is very attractive. Leaps of faith are always nice to bear witness to.

[Recluse]

Curtailed, it is nice to see you believe in that outlook. Best of luck manifesting it in your reality

[curtailed]

I'll re-iterate my strategy: Fake it till you make it.

[Mark]

Even if I can be ok with myself, it will not make me ok to most women as we need to live within our cultural paradigm to some degree in order to engage our particular society.

So let's live in it then.

Still - *most* women is not *all* women. So that implies that there are *some* women who would find you acceptable and desirable. Why not seek them out and have relationships with them?

Or is this one of those Woody Allen clubs where you would not want to be a member if they would accept you. ???

Similarly, though a man might desire to sleep with *many* women, he will generally not get to do that. He might sleep with 1 woman or 10 or 100 but there will always be some women that he wanted to sleep with which he did not get a chance to do so. Does this mean that he is a failure?

In my opinion, learning to enjoy what you can have is far more important than mooning over what you cannot have. Not that it is easy to do that ....

Mark

[Recluse]

sdfasdfsadf

[nearlydead]

I've not been posting for a little while because I have been trying to digest some of what has been said here by Curt and JP etc.

Im having a hard time with the realisation that the only cure is in our heads. More importantly, what this really means and how I am ever going to change my feelings around the shame on this subject.

I am willing to accept that size matters to me more than to women. Some of what has been said that makes sense. Some men live with it and are happy, some are miserable, some have productive lives, its about choosing how to live with it. Size is something that falls into the nice to have catorgoery, but is not compulsory, size is only a part of sex, only a part of a relationship. There is loads of stuff inbetween. It is not my fault, theres nothing I can do about it, beating myself up constantly is bad for me. There may be a few size queens, and I will be unlucky to bump into them again. Fuck em, I'll move on. I know I can have good sex and deliver a good time to the woman. Its not my job to be the ultimate lover, she's got to do some of the work too. Blah blah blah.

Comming up with logical arguments why size is a bigger deal to me, than what it is to the majority of women is getting easier, and is helping because Im not concentrating on the negative all the time. I still struggle with the thought that I am only kidding myself. That at crunch time it will all fall apart.

Im ranbling because Im not sure what I trying to say (I am mad after all:))

Basically how do I make the jump from telling myself the world is flat, to actually believeing it is flat. To believing myself to such an extent that a spontaneous erection is going to be possible.

I see the cure for this as two parts. 1. Love myself (cheer's Malign)

2. Disregard others remarks about it.

For now I want to deal with part one.

Despite whats gone on here recently, I would also invite as many of the lurkers here to post. I want help, advice opinions from as many quarters as possioble. (Particularly english teachers who could help with my spelling:))

[lifeless existence]

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[nearlydead]

When the black dog bites, it bites hard. When the going gets tough (wrestling with this attempt at a new outlook). When it does'nt go my way or I find it hard, it is still all to easy to give in to anger, sulking, misery etc

I have realised that it is me who has to take responsibility for how my life has turned out. If I am to move forward I have to change how I think about myself and my size, and the world. I feel that I am going to fight this fight, and still never find happiness. Mark said something about there being no real cure, but still having to carve out an existence. I just wonder if the risk and effort is worth any potential reward. I cannot imagine myself as a happy person. I have never been happy. I am not happy. Sometimes I get sick of it.

[IrmaJean]

Keep fighting the fight, ND. Doing so gives you the chance to be happy. Learning to love yourself really opens up the door to that. Life might just surprise you.

[Recluse]

sdafasdf.

[nearlydead]

Thanks Irma, at the moment Im having a crisis of confidence. As I dont feel as if I have the intellect required. Most of these new ideas of self acceptance, self love and all that stuff, I just dont get. I can write a huge list of my shortcomings, but can count my good traits on one hand, and most of them are of no pratical use anyway.

Rec said: I just want to stop being hateful towards myself because that only makes the depression worse.

That comes under heading No1: Self love. Now you recognise a goal, you now need to start thinking about how to achieve it, same as me and Lifeless.

[Recluse]

fasdfas

[JulianP]

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[Recluse]

Thank you for the kind words and support in your posts. I think we are at the point where we all have been at rock bottom so the only way to move is forward which requires us to figure out how to deal with some our depression issues.

[IrmaJean]

As I dont feel as if I have the intellect required. Most of these new ideas of self acceptance, self love and all that stuff, I just dont get. I can write a huge list of my shortcomings, but can count my good traits on one hand, and most of them are of no pratical use anyway.

You are selling yourself short, ND. You seem like a very intelligent guy to me. I've discovered with myself that there are many different ways to be smart. I'm not very good at math and tests and things of that nature and so always thought of myself as not very intelligent...but in this area of discovering insights and helping people, I seem to have found my brains. You're very insightful, too, ND. It's never too late to discover things about yourself if you keep your mind open to their potential existence.

As far as making a list about positive and negative traits, I'm sure I could do the same. I have a bunch of faults too. The idea being to work on the aspects of yourself that you don't like, change what you can, try to accept what you can't and give your strengths power. Utilize your strengths. For what it's worth, ND, I like you. I see someone who is very witty, funny, courageous and smart. And recently you have been making a concerted effort on here to support others. Very positive traits.

Recluse, I'm happy to see that you are trying as well. Small steps. Starting by treating yourself with kindness is a very positive step. You guys are awesome.