am I a pedophile?

[p2415]

deleted post

Edited May 14, 2009 by p2415

[p2415]

deleted post

Edited May 14, 2009 by p2415

[paula]

Yeah like you said it's all right to think about it, but to do something would be totally different!

As I see it Scared only thinks about these issues and hasn't done anything towards children, so to me I would not class him as being a Pedophile?

But, I can understand his worries! Like he said in a previous post, he wants what he can't have?

At least he admitted his feelings over children, and to me that is ONE BIG STEP!

[p2415]

deleted post

Edited May 14, 2009 by p2415

[scared]

hterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

utttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[JustTrying]

One of you said something about Whores and your dad talking about sex to you when you were 9. BINGO!!! That is why IMHO that you are attracted to children.. the innocence. I think your Dad messed your thinking up..... to some men all women are Whores and Bad..... I think that is were your issue lies...

BUT I AGREE>>>> I may THINK of killing someone... WANT to.... but unless I do it I am not a murder.

BUT if it continues to bother you please get help. I Know some pedaphiles.... 2 people in my life have served jail time over it. I do not think they are bad people.. however... I do not think there is a cure for it.... These men now stay away from children and have no problem with it. I make sure of it. They are not the type to hurt children they meet but more like family members etc. Actually they never meant to hurt the kids .. but they did. I would never trust them around a child alone.... ever... I can't say that I forgive them but I accept them for who they are and as long as they do not do it again.. that is all I can ask.. I mean what are you suppose to do ? Burn them at the stake???

GABBY

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[Mark]

Immense guilt, however I dbout weather or not it actually harms the child (apart from direct penetration) id very much like to know exactally the damage that could be done to the child.

Sexual contact with young (pre-pubescent) children is certainly and always abusive. There are on this site people who were sexually abused as children. They have been affected in various different ways but all for the worse. There is an active thread right now where members are talking about rape fantasies and their inability to enjoy normal sex, but rather to gravitate towards rough or outright violent sex. There are other people who were sexually abused and as a result they now self-injure by cutting or burning themselves. There are other outcomes as well, including substance abuse, ect. One of the common threads is that a person who has been sexually abused starts to define themselves as more or less an object for others sexual gratification, and when that is how you see yourself, you basically start hating yourself (or at least thinking poorly of yourself) because you are invalidated as a unique person in your own right. And the other problems may come out of that.

I encourage all the people who have been sexually abused as children who feel comfortable doing so to describe the impact that that abuse has had on them in their lives, with an eye towards educating Scared as well as the others like him who will certainly be reading.

Mark

[paula]

SEXUAL PERVERSIONS.

DEFINITION:

Sexual perversions are conditions in which sexual excitement or orgasm is associated with acts or imagery that are considered unusual within the culture. To avoid problems associated with the stigmatization of labels, the neutral term paraphillia, derived from greek roots meaning 'alongside of' and 'love,' is used to describe what used to be called sexual perversions. A paraphillia is a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on a fantasy theme of an unuaual situation or object that becomes the principal focus of sexual behaviour.

DESCRIPTION:

Paraphillias can revolve around a particular sexual object or a particular act. They are defined by DSM-IV as 'sexual impulse disorders characterized by intensely arousing, recurrant sexual fantasies, urges and behhaviours considered deviant with respect to cultural norms and that produce clinically significant distress or impairment in social occupational or other important areas of psychosocial funcioning.' The nature of a paraphillia is generally specific and unchanging, and most of the paraphillias are far more commen in men than in women.

Paraphillias differ from what some people might consider 'normal' sexual activity in that these behaviours cause significant distress or impairment in areas of life functioning. They do not refer to the normal use of sexual activity, or objects to heighten sexual excitment where there is no distress or impairment. The most common signs of sexual activity that can be classified as paraphillia include: the inabillity to resist an impulse for the sexual act, the requirment of patticipation by non-consenting or under-aged individuals, legal consequences, resulting sexual dysfunction, and interference with normal social relationships.

Paraphillias include fantasies, behaviours, and/or urges which:

The most common paraphillias are:

A paraphilliac often has more than one paraphillia. Paraphillias often result in a variety of associated problems, such as guilt, depression, shame, isolation, and impairment in the capacity for normal social and sexual relationships. A paraphillia can, and often does, become highly idiosyncratic and ritualized.

CAUSES AND SYMPYOMS

Ther is very little certainty about what causes a paraphillia. Psychoanalysts generally theorize that these conditions represent a regression to or a fixation at a earlier level of psychosexual development resulting in a repetitive pattern of sexual behaviour that is not mature in its application and expression. in other words, an individual repeats or reverts to a sexual habit arising early in life. Another psychoanalytic theory holds that these conditions are all expressions of hostility in which sexual fantasies or unusual sexual acts become a means of obtaining revenge for a childhood trauma. The persistant, repetitive nature of the paraphillia is caused by an inabilliyt to erase the underlying trauma completely. Indeed, a history of childhood sexual abuse is sometimes seen in individuals with paraphillias.

However, behaviourist suggest instead, that the paraphillia begins via a process of conditioning. Nonsexual objects can become sexually arousing if they are frequently and repeatedly associated with a pleasurable sexual activity. The development of a paraphillia is not usually a matter of conditioning alone; there must uaually be some predisposing factor, such as difficulty forming person-to-person sexual relationships or poor self esteem. The following are situations or causes that might lead someone in a paraphilliac direction:

DIAGNOSIS

Whatever the cause, paraphilliacs apparently rarely seek treatment unless they are induced into it by an arrest or discovery by a family member. This makes diagnosis before a confrontation very difficult.

Paraphilliacs may select an occupation, or develop a hobby or volunteer work, that puts them in contact with the desired erotic stimuli, for example, selling womens shoes or lingerie in fetishism, or working with children in pedophillia. Other coexistent problems may be alcohol or drug abuse. intimacy problems, and personality disturbances, especially emotional immaturity. Additionally, there mey be sexual dysfunctions. Erectile dysfunction and a n inability to ejaculate may be common in attempts at sexual activity without the paraphilliac theme.

Paraphilias may be mild, moderate, or severe. An individual with mild paraphillia is markedly distressed by the recurrent paraphilliac urges but has never acted on them. The moderate has occasionally acted on the paraphillic urge. A severe paraphilliac has repeatedly acted on the urge.

TREATMENT

The literature describing treatment is fragmentary and incomplete. traditional psychoanalysis has not been particularly effective with paraphillia and generally requires several years of treatment. Therapy with hypnosis has also had poor results. current interest focus primarily on several bahavioural techniques that include the following:

In additional to these therapies, drugs are sometimes prescribed to treat paraphiliac behaviours. drugs that drastically lower testosterone temporarily (antiandrogens) have been used for the control of repetitive deviant sexual behaviours and have been prescribed for paraphillia-related disorders as well.

[scared]

5u6yrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

htrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Scared how much more do you want?

Listen if it bothers you that much then see your Psychiatrist! I think your just milking all this!

[scared]

truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[JustTrying]

Scared... I do not know what to tell you,.... But sexual abuse on a child does hurt that child... maybe not physically.. but mentally for the rest of their lives. And I have not seen one person that was abused as a child that does not have problems.... when you go from playing with dolls to BAM one day you are being treated as a woman... it cannot help but alter your life. Your whole life changes course. And I can't speak for the boys , but I would imagine that is worse.

I still say your dad has an influence on how you think... and I do not think he was thinking right. Not ALL women are bad and not ALL men are bad. He may have been treated bad by a woman at one time... but to pass that kind of narrow minded thinking on to a child is just wrong... perhaps you should discuss that with your therapist......

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all those feelings go away for you... But I can't, you have to deal with it.

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

First of all, let me tell all those who are worried about this, you are probably alright... I understand how embarrassing this is to many people. Look at me, for instance, I have gone on to this forum with the handle "Pseudonym," Greek for "False Name." I understand how hard it is to admit this problem, and how embarrassing it is to have it.

I have, for that past couple years, had an issue with looking at pornographic material that my peers in this forum have so cordially referred to as "CP." I hold none of typically Psychological profiles of a Pedophile (Small stature, inability form social relationships with people outside this age ground ect ect ect.), however I find these images arousing.

Understand that they are not the only things I find arousing, and that in real life, I have never once had an issue with this around real children. I have a friend with four children, for the sake of Anonymity I will refer to him as Joe. I visit Joe every time I am able, and his children, who are young are always around, and I have never had any of these urges around them, even when they are being kids, I do not notice, nor pay special attention to them. I am no danger to society, nor am I a danger to the children around me.

For those of you that find themselves in similar situations, please remember that you are not alone, and these urges are difficult, if not impossible, to handle. The fact that you feel guilty enough to look on forums is a good indication that you are not any danger. Pedophiles typically do not feel remorse for their transgressions.

And for those of you who damn anybody for doing this, understand that these people have fantasies, and please understand that they can no more control this than a homosexual can control sexual urges towards those of the same sex. (not to implicate that these two are in any way correlated.) These people are not "sick," these people are not evil. These people are simply that: people. People who have fantasies that they cannot control. And many wish that they could.

I urge you, not to blame yourself for this. If you feel that this has become a problem, speak to somebody who you know will accept you for who you are. And not damn you like some of the people in this forum. Many times, I know that much of my urges are caused by stress in my life, and I turn to these urges much like a drug to relieve myself. It is in many ways cathartic to speak to somebody, trust me. Again, remember who this is coming from.

Again, I would like to reiterate, you are probably alright. You probably just have secret urges for one reason or another, and that is OK. Our sexual mind is not that of mores or ethics, just that of primal, uncontrollable instinct. But I do implore you, if you feel that these urges taking huge parts of your life, if they are no longer secluded to your bedroom and take effect on the outside world, or you find yourself fantasizing about children that are in your life, and take action (like masturbating while their not looking, or taking pictures when they don't know you're there) than PLEASE seek help in anyway possible. If not, that just understand it for what it is: a fantasy and nothing more.

- Anonymous

[paula]

And for those of you who damn anybody for doing this, understand that these people have fantasies, and please understand that they can no more control this than a homosexual can control sexual urges towards those of the same sex. (not to implicate that these two are in any way correlated.) These people are not "sick," these people are not evil. These people are simply that: people. People who have fantasies that they cannot control. And many wish that they could.

In my opinion and I dare say plenty of other's, these people are sick. God did not put us on this earth to sexually abuse children!

These children cannot defend theirselves. Have you ever thought of the damage, that is caused to a child when they are sexually abused! Well let me tell you, I know the damage that's caused! All for what? 5minutes of pleasure for the abuser, because a male adult has got urges/fantasies of sex, so they feel that they have to relieve these urges/fantasies with a child. They want casterating!

For these people to even think about sexually abusing a child, clearly indicates that they need help!

I will go no further on this subject at the moment!

[JustTrying]

Let's see I am 39... and have never liked younger people.. or people my age .. I like 50 - 60 yr olds... But just recently.. when I see a cute little 19 -20 something boy... I am attracted to them.... What does that make me??? Maybe in mid life crisis??? I seriously doubt I will ever act on it... but the thought crosses my mind... NO I am not attracted to YOUNG boys... To me they are awkward looking... not fully developed.... Remind me of the boys I raised... and I think they are ugly ( I would never tell them that though)

Gabs

[Kalima]

This is a touchy subject for so many people and clearly it can be hard if not impossible for many people to understand where someone who has paedophilic thoughts is coming from.

I agree with some of what you say Pseudonym. Like being homosexual or heterosexual someone who feels sexual attraction for children cannot help this. Our thoughts are our own and so far there has yet to be any kind or retribution for thinking 'bad' things.

However I disagree with some of your comments. To me, anyone who feels sexual attraction to a child (unless they are a child themselves) is a paedophile. This does not mean I expect these people to act on their attraction, as the previous paragraph says (basically) it's a kind of sexual orientation, or sexual fetish. The person who has this attraction cannot help it.

But they can make sure they do not act on these thoughts. Any responsible person who feels this way should be able to rely on their morals to not act on their attraction. In the past homosexuality was illegal, people tried to cure it. It was not possible. You cannot change your sexual orientation (least not yet). You cannot cure a paedophile, his or thoughts are their own. Thoughts are not criminal actions.

I would say as others have that watching CP, although not engaging in the act yourself is encouraging other people to do so to make the CP. This is unacceptable and illegal.

To act on paedophilic thoughts in any way is wrong. To see what it does to a child in the long term all you have to do is look at some of the posts on this site. It ruins lives.

[laedladd]

Very well said Kalima. Thoughts may make you a paedophile - but actions make you a child abuser, and I don't think anyone could try to defend that.

[JustTrying]

So.... If I think of killing someone that makes me a murder???

Gabs

[laedladd]

So.... If I think of killing someone that makes me a murder???

Gabs

No - If you think something it's not a crime. If you were to act on those thoughts then that is crime.

Edited November 5, 2008 by laedladd
clarity

[John Rutledge]

deleted ...

Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[laedladd]

Just wanted to clarify something - I in no way defend or condone any form of child abuse - including CP. I was coming at this from purely a semantic point of view - which is probably a stupid thing to do with such an emotive issue. I hope I didn't sound glib.

[JustTrying]

I too think hurting a child is unforgivable.... but this person came here and talked about his "feelings" to fee or think something ...may not be normal but it is ok....

I repeat... DO NOT act on those impulses... you hurt a child in ways that you will never understand.... I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS... so no I am not condoning.... Just as long as they are thoughts .. OK>>> now on line CP... Yep can send you to jail....

Gabby