am I a pedophile?

[Pseudonym]

First of all, Understand that people who post these atrocities (and yes, though I have looked at them, I do consider them just that, atrocities), do not do it for endorsement. They do not care whether or not you look at them to pleasure yourself. This is a narcissistic means of presenting it to the world. A way of saying "Look what I did!"

Secondly, if I could stop, I would. I do not mind it as a fantasy, but going the steps I do, I seriously jeopardize a lot. I want to become an FBI agent, a criminal profiler. Because of my addiction, I have seriously jeopardized that future. If I could, in some way constrict file sharing (which is the method in which most pedophiles use to display and look at their CP), and thus preventing even people on the lowest end of this spectrum, such as myself, to finding this, I would. However I cannot do either. Seeking help would be difficult because I have to admit it to my therapist, a step I am not ready to do. And preventing it from being online is impossible, because narcissists never stop grasping for attention.

Thirdly, I do not endorse, by any means what these people do... To sexually abuse a child in any way is absolutely wrong. Children do not have the physical or legal ability to fight their accusers, nor the emotional or mental capacity to formulate consent. Child Molestation and Abuse is WRONG. And I will admit that. And anything that would bring these offenders behind bars and ensure that they never perform these acts again is fine by me. But do not punish those who something happened to them, or they have been caught into an addiction that they cannot control.

Lastly, To those of you who still thinks that we are sick, ask yourself if you had this kind of addiction (and don't say "Well I wouldn't") if you could bring yourself to get help, if YOU could do what so many people have failed to do, and cure sexual disorders. We are not amoral. Those who have come to this place and asked for help are anything but. I personally feel a lot of regret for what I do, and I wish I could stop, and if it came it came to a point in which I felt I was a danger to my community, I would make all the necessary steps to insure I would not do that. But at this point, it is a fantasy. And the best way to get better is to accept that this is just a fantasy, I do my self no service in saying I am sick.

So before judging us, and saying we are sick, remember that scared and several other people who came here, are seeking help. And to call them sick Is the worst excuse for help I have ever seen. Help them like you would help your family, help them because they are scared that they are something they feel is amoral. Tell them they are alright. And for those of you who want to bring God in this. Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.

P.S. Remember that all you're feeling is a fantasy. And unless you feel it may become an action, take it as that.

- Anonymous

Edited November 5, 2008 by Pseudonym

[paula]

Thirdly, I do not endorse, by any means what these people do... To sexually abuse a child in any way is absolutely wrong. Children do not have the physical or legal ability to fight their accusers, nor the emotional or mental capacity to formulate consent. Child Molestation and Abuse is WRONG. And I will admit that. And anything that would bring these offenders behind bars and ensure that they never perform these acts again is fine by me. But do not punish those who something happened to them, or they have been caught into an addiction that they cannot control.

Have you heard yourself? You sound like an Hypercryte! One minute your giving excuses for this sort of behaviour, and the next minute, your saying how wrong it is, make ur mind up?

If Adult's, get a feeling/fantazise/urge to abuse a child and I state, "ABUSE" a child, then they clearly need help before it's to late?

Think of this child, the parent's. How would you like a pervert harrassing your child hey! That child wouldn't have a clue what was going on? But it would be something that she's/he's unlikely to forget either!

It is "NOT NORMAL!" Surely you can see that? Even if they do not abuse a child it is there! It is on their mind and they are having thoughts of what it would be like to have sex with a child? Face it! At the end of the day, there not bothered what happens to the child? How it has wrecked up the childs head? How that child is going to have trouble trying to deal with this for the rest of their life! I have heard of children being abused and after growing to adults have tried, but cannot deal with the situation of being abused when they was a kid! And do you know what they have done? They have commited Suicide! All because they have thought it to be their own fault!

If they're frustrated, then they should use their hand, not take the innocense of a child! There are enough Prostitutes out there or do they want a freeby? Well nothing in this world comes free!

So don't you come on this site trying to tell me to accept these perverts for their wrong doing! THEY ARE SICK!

[Pseudonym]

Paula... you seem like a very morally driven person. You might be surprised to find out that I and many people who seek help for this are as well. I personally feel a immense amount of guilt for things that I have watched, even though I did not participate in it. I personally feel that any wrong doing to a child is WRONG. By all means it is wrong. I do not justify what I watched, and am currently seeking help to stop it. However I cannot control my fantasies, I cannot control my sexual mind. But I can control my actions. That is the difference between a fantasizor and a pedophile.

I do not endorse pedophilia. As I sit here now in my clear state of mind, I find it repugnant. However the people who came here are looking for help. I suggest to you that possibly you should give it to us, rather than damning us to hell. If you feel you cannot help us, do nothing, for that is better than pushing us back into the dark.

I say again any attempt to physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally abuse a child is inexcusable. That much is clear. However people cannot control what we are attracted to, or what gets our jollys off. Trust me, if we could, most likely we would all wank it to pictures of Jenna Jameson. Unfortunately we cannot. So the rest of use are forced to seek help in stopping our actions, and accepting what we fantasize about. There IS no cure for this disorder. There IS NO effective treatment. So if you are really scared that people are going to act on these thoughs than PLEASE help us.

- Anonymous

[paula]

I do not endorse pedophilia. As I sit here now in my clear state of mind, I find it repugnant. However the people who came here are looking for help. I suggest to you that possibly you should give it to us, rather than damning us to hell. If you feel you cannot help us, do nothing, for that is better than pushing us back into the dark.

Can you tell me why do you have these fantasies/urges? You wasn't born with them! You yourself as a child did not get these fantasies/urges, so why now? When was the first time you started feeling these urges? How was you brought up, if you don't mind me asking? There is a reason for asking this question! Was you brought up in a loving family, was you brought up not knowing the meaning of the word love?

The reason I ask these question's is that, this can have a big affect on the way you are now!

[Pseudonym]

Unfortunately I was introduced to sex at a very young age... 6 or 7. This is when I discovered, by trailing my brother what "humping" is. This was not his idea, by the way, I just attended one of his truth or dare sessions and one of the dares one of his friends gave to the others was "Humping." I was curious so I dared it again so I can see it. They showed me, (with much disapproval of my brother, however seeing he was not around for this particular game, he could not protest). I found out a little later that this was done with your clothes off. So me and my childhood girlfriend tried it. No penetration was involved, but it was enough to stimulate my mind.

Later on that year a young black boy had moved into my area and I befriended him. He was more experienced in sex than I was and he suggested that we "practiced". So we did... To this day I know that he knew what he was doing, and I did not. I was very young at the time. This time penetration on me was attained.

Later on that year the older brother of my childhood girlfriend caught wind of this and suggested that we perform oral sex on one another. Again, not knowing what this was I tried it. Oddly enough I arose heterosexual, however deeply scarred, and with an unhealthy appetite for sex.

When I discovered the internet I found porn. While looking at that as a twelve year old boy I began looking for porn of people my age... I gave up this search early, but the want to see it grew over the next several years. I instead looked at Hentai, which had numerous pictures of younger girls in it. I did not understand that looking at these pictures was wrong... Until a friend pointed it out to me...

I promptly stopped looking at these pictures but the idea festered in my head. Because of my diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder I am Predisposed to finding things that are against social mores and against rules are the most exiting. So I looked at porn... At this time the excitement of looking at porn was great, I loved it because I knew I was disobeying my mother, the only way dared to. But when I turned eighteen the excitement died... regular porn wasn't bad enough...

But still having an overactive sex drive, and no one to use it on I still wanted to achieve that feeling. So I looked in my past and thought of the one thing that I never seen... CP. I looked it up and became excited to what I could find. This was the bad I was looking for, a bad in which there was no age limit. Actually the excitement got better as I got older.

I started thinking myself as sick. Reasoning that once I really had adult sex that I could put this behind me. And when I did have real sex I thought I was cured... but low and behold I fell back to my same old pattern. So then I thought a relationship could help me, but then I entered a relationship in which sex was no issue, I got it when I wanted it. Because she had a thirst for it as well. But the other thirst beckoned to me. I fell back into the same old pattern. When I finally admitted my perversion to my Girlfriend, she said it's OK, she kind of liked that too and told me I wasn't alone. Instead of helping me, it just increased my thirst...

My thirst has only struck me in times of great stress, some people do drugs, I did this... And I felt for a while I could do it without guilt... I was wrong, when I started looking at my actions I started thinking about who was hurt for me to get my jollys? Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I searched the internet to find help, and that's when I found this place.

So you see, even I'm a perpetrator, I am as well a victim, a person who has been hurt, who has been scorned. And a person who got an addiction that he so much wished was gone. I hate myself sometimes because. I feel I need this thirst, this dark passenger of mine. But I wonder is this all the truth? Can I trust it? Or are these lies he keeps telling me? I want help... I need help. Maybe somebody here can give me it.

- Anonymous.

[Kalima]

Pseudonym, you have been very frank and not risen to some of the jibes, congrats.

What is 'normal'? I think what we need to do is accept ourselves as who we are. I also don't think that feeling guilty about sexual attraction to children is a bad thing. Guilt is one of the things which helps keep us in check. Makes us less likely to act on our thoughts or feelings.

If we didn't feel guilt or remorse we might end up doing all kinds of things.

Personally I have some very twisted thoughts, some which do at times make me feel guilty, because they are not 'normal', they are thoughts which other people would generally find offensive or wrong. Some of my thoughts I believe are caused by my childhood.

I also do not think that everyone has to experience some kind of trauma to have paedophilic thought's. I have a friend who I have discussed this at length with, he has these kind of thoughts and did undergo therapy for it. His childhood was typically idealic and yet he feels sexual attraction for women and female children. Does this make him sick?

Personally I don't think so, because he chooses not to act on this attraction. He went and had professional counselling, where he was basically told he could not be ‘cured’ but he could make sure he did not act on these kinds of thoughts. Fortunately, his nature is not to hurt anyone and he is aware of the harm acting on these kinds of thoughts can do, having friends who have suffered at the hands of individuals who did not care if their actions lead to another’s pain.

[John Rutledge]

deleted .....

Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[paula]

Nicely put John!

You explained what I was trying to get at! Thank you!

[Pseudonym]

I don't know if you notice how I speak in this forum, but I speak with the knowledge and wisdom of a person who has been in therapy for a very long time. Actually my entire life... I seek professional help once a week, to help deal with my problems... My stress levels, and to help master my fears. No one can help this part of me, Those urges will follow me for the rest of my life, it is up to me to keep them in check.

I realize I've gone pretty far, and it is my short tenure in this has made me realize a lot of things about myself. I came here to help and be helped, and the self realization that It had grown to be more than a fantasy is what made me step back, and realize what I am. And that maybe I need more help. I gave a deep detailed description of my sexual past because maybe that has a clue that I'm not seeing, however all you speak of is doublespeak and hypocracy.

Yes I go one way and the other, zig and zag across the moral line with such a girth that you could probably fit a city in the space. Maybe that's because In this I have a problem distinguishing right from wrong... Or maybe, just maybe, I'm so confused on how a good person can feel such evil thoughts, and do such evil things.

I think you would do yourself some good by realizing that there is good and evil in all of us. NO ONE is completely good, and NO ONE is completely evil. And in realizing you much make room for a person that holds such extreme that it tears him apart. A person who makes the people in his life that much better because he is there (I have personally talked down one of my friends from hurting himself because he lives a stressful life), a person who cares for all living beings, and helps people, despite his negative opinion of him. A morally upright, taxpaying, helpful citizen, who underneath it all lies a dark passenger. A passenger that tells him bad things, and tells him how dark he really is. And that behind it all he can never make up for it. He should just succumb.

I want to stop... I even mark on my calendar all the days I don't look at that stuff, and hoping that my determination and my reminders are enough... I know I am no danger in real life, but what I do is despicable, and beyond reprieve. I have dreams of being a profiler because that is what I know I would be happy doing. But I know before I even stand a snowballs chance in hell, I have to fix this one big problem, my actions...

Again, you can stand on your high horse, and look down at the rest of us. You can say that we are just despicable, and we are just sick. Well speaking as a peasant, I may be sick, but I am trying to help myself, and help others. So if you want to help me, I'm glad to hear it. But if you want to just give me the same advice that I know does not work, from experience, than just say nothing. Your move, you can do one of two things, help a person who is asking for it and obviously needs it, or push him back in the dark to let his passenger take him over.

- Anonymous

[JustTrying]

One thing to think about.... BY looking at those pictures... you are hurting a child.... If there was no demand for such things there would be no supply.... Yes.. just you stopping looking at them will not make the demand go down, But what if 100 or 200 people saw this and stopped?

I am addicted top alcohol.. so I know a little about addiction... you sometimes keep doing something that you know is bad and hurtful and yes... may hurt someone else .. but while you are dong it you do not care.

I do applaud you for not ACTING on these impulses.And from what I understand there is no cure.... but I do think that those that have done it and have been caught should be castrated. And I do not say that in a mean way. I have 2 pedophiles in my family... I love them dearly, they are good men, BUT>>>> they have destroyed lives and they have no right to. Other than that they are good people. I for one make SURE they never have that opportunity, and I know they do not want to do it again, but given the right circumstance would they be able to help themselves?

That is like me being an alcoholic... let's say I was sober for a while and then I found myself having to be at bars or parties for some odd reason.. Alcohol everywhere... would I be able to not drink? I do not know.. I guess it would depend.. but I could not say for sure I would not drink.. knowing the damage that it may cause.

I too hope this thread is not a joke.. because that would be a shame.

From the way you talk.... anonymous.. I sense a lot of confusion. I too may be scared to tell a therapist because I do not know if they have to report such as that. If it is only thoughts I would think not.

I also do not know how much TROUBLE you would get in if you get caught with LOOKING at CP.... But I am sure it is not legal... goes back to demand and supply.

Are you on any type of medication?? I know they have had me on meds before that the last thing I thought about was sex....That is an option.... another is to get rid of your computer......

Hope I made some sense....

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

First, I would like to thank you for your Candor. It seems since I started this thread, you are one of the very first people to say I wasn't sick. And tell me I had strength. I am confused about this, and what person who was typically reasonable and morally upright wouldn't be? I deduce things into their parts, and I know that this part does not fit. I am confused. Not as a whole, I think that I understand myself for the most part. However I wonder why this puzzle piece does not fit, and if it doesn't fit, why is it there?

This IS not joke, unfortunately. As sick as it would be to joke about this stuff, it is worse because everything I say here is true. I have no reason to lie. I use the name Pseudonym, and Sign with Anonymous for a reason, so I can be completely honest and know even if people judge me, they are judging a False Name and Any Man. (Actually Any Name) I want help. I know I shouldn't feel bad about fantasies, those cannot be helped, and cannot be cured. However There are things I have DONE, such as look at CP that could be helped, and could be eliminated. I may not be in control of my thoughts, however my actions... there is a different story.

As for eliminating my sex drive... I exist in a healthy relationship with a woman who is of the consenting age, and not too much younger than me (about three years.) Sex is one of the few things that helps me relieve stress. And stress as I had mentioned before is one of the reasons why I do this... I am sexually attracted to more age appropriate people. I find healthy sex gratifying, and I am able to keep up with it. Sex is also very important to me, it makes me feel attractive, it gives me confidence, and it makes me feel like I'm not as bad as I think I am.

Thank you for your Candor, that helps a lot. And I really mean that. You do not have to tell me that what I do is alright. But it showed a lot that you were able to swallow your personal feelings for what I do, and show me enough respect to be honest.

- Anonymous

[JustTrying]

Anonymous.. I did not come to this site to be judged.... I understand sometimes my feelings and beliefs may upset other people... but this site.. and I go to many... I feel I can talk .. know what I am saying???

As far as your issue... I too would be anonymous.. because there are people out there that would like to hang you. I may not understand you and I may not agree with you... but as far as I am concerned... you are NOT acting on it... you are trying to figure it out and control it.

It does however concern me that you watch ( spend time with) kids.... Kudos for being honest... but think about it is that a SAFE thing to do?

I compared this to alcoholism.. because that is my addiction... but there is a diffrence.

The pedophiles in my life... say they did nothing wrong... I think they know better... they to this day deny it... but I KNOW it happend... ( One has watched me have nightmares from this happening in my childhood... so yeah he knows the effects)

GEE... I cannot get into too much detail.... but I have seen the effect they had on those girls... now young people... in their 20's... one is 25 been married 5 times... she has soooo much anger.. she needs therapy.. I know what is wrong but she does not.. she still calls this man an endering name.. still thinks she is important to him.... She is not... she is too old now.. he wishes she would go away. She mistoke sexual desire for real love and she cannot find "real Love" anywhere.

As far as being "sick" I could call myself "sick" and I am to many peoples standards. I have a lot of issues.. some from childhood etc... but I do not think a site like this is intended for that.. Now you post on another site??? GOOD LUCK!!! ( I have been called sick on other sites... crazy... etc .. you name it)

I do not condone your looking at CP or even havng those thoughts... but you are you and until you hurt a child... you are ok with me... THANKYOU for talking about it and trying to work it out....

I wish you LUCK AND PEACE.

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

Thank you for your kind words. It is nice to hear that I can be accepted, though not condoned. I do not even condone my thoughts and my actions... So I can understand why you cannot. I would be more than mildly disturbed If I found people on this site who do. Afterall this is where people go to talk about their problems, not get endorsed for them.

As for watching my friends children. Understand I have NEVER ONCE fantasized about these children, or thought about them in that way. My feelings never go passed the privacy of my home. In the real world, I am a regular, if not highly intelligent person. If did start my fantasies whether in my home, or outside about these children. I would be concerned enough not only to ensure that I never spend alone time with them, but to consult therapy heavily. So I do feel that it is safe. And until the time comes in which I look at them like that, I will continue to be around them. I am their favorite friends of their fathers afterall. (And no, I am not a special friend, or a funny friend.) I care for these children, some of them are my Godchildren. And I understand by doing anything with them would hurt them, unlike any active paedophiles, who do care for children, however do not believe they are hurting them. (odd thing to believe I know.)

Secondly, I am not aroused by children, unlike an alcoholics who craves alcohol when he is sober. The thought comes to mind when I am ALREADY aroused. Which does not happen around my friends. And does not happen, at least so far, when I am around children.

Now I understand that sounds like doublespeak... Or me covering up, but that's the truth. THe very fact it comes to mind When I am ALREADY aroused is actually pretty big cause for concern for me. I do not crave this, but when my mind is in that position, I want it... It's odd, however true.

Again, thank you for that little bit of acceptance. I do need that because the more I think that I am less evil allows me to work on the parts that make me more evil. So thank you for your kindness and you Candor.

- Anonymous.

[FlowFreak]

I encourage all the people who have been sexually abused as children who feel comfortable doing so to describe the impact that that abuse has had on them in their lives, with an eye towards educating Scared as well as the others like him who will certainly be reading.

Mark

__________________

Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.

Mark you don't have to encourage me! On the pros/cons of "scared" having sex with a child.

I knew I was to reply before I even read your "encouragement!"

So that comes to the reasoning i might have to have sex with children, well ill list the pros and cons.

pros

Id get sexual gratification from it, definatley and adrenalin rush, could get that from lots of things though.

I cant think of any other pros, dont want to ither..

cons

Loosing attraction to women

Evereybody hating me

Possibly going to prison

Social retardation (id probally never get over it and go crazy)

Immense guilt, however I dbout weather or not it actually harms the child (apart from direct penetration) id very much like to know exactally the damage that could be done to the child.

Scared you say you'd like to know WELL LET ME TELL YOU. I'M 38 YEARS OLD, AND MY LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN LIVED SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY IF IT HAD NOT BEEN SO FUCKED UP BY PEDOPHILES AND RAPIST! I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO STRUGGLE AND GO THROUGH ALL THE THINGS I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT HAS NOT ONLY EFFECTED ME, BUT EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME. I HAVE HAD TO UNLEARN EVERYTHING THAT WAS PUT INTO ME INTO THOSE DISGUSTING, TERRYFYING, POWERLESS, CONFUSING, HORRIBLE, RIPPED, BLOOD SOAKED, FILTHY, MOMENT OF MY HATED TO THE CORE PERPETRATORS penetrations, WHICH I CALL RAPES AND SELFISH DISGUSTING ONES AT THAT. AT THE EXPENSE OF THEIR SELFISH GRATIFICATION THEY TOOK MY INNOCENCE AND THEY STOLE MY LIFE FROM ME THAT I HAD YET LIVED. MY LIFE WAS LOST AND IT HAS BEEN AN EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE, EMOTIONAL JOURNEY IN FINDING IT AGAIN THAT HAS NOT ONLY EFFECTED ME, BUT EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE. 2 ALMOST COMPLETE OVERDOSES THAT LANDED ME WAKING UP IN THE CCU DEPARTMENT OF THE HOSPITAL ONE TIME ON CHRISTMAS MORNING. DEALING WITH A SEXUAL ADDICTION IN MY TEEN YRS THROUGH MY EARLY 20'S, WHICH WAS A RESULT OF TRYING TO FIND THIS ENDLESS STRONG NEED FOR "LOVE" THAT WAS NEVER FOUND. ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. LACK OF BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS. NOT KNOWING WHEN TO PROTECT MYSELF AND WHEN TO NOT. SELF MUTILATION. LOW SELF ESTEEM. NO CONFIDENCE IN ABILITIES. MARITAL DIFFICULTIES. SEXUAL/INTIMACY PROBLEMS. PARENTING PROBLEMS EITHER OVERPROTECTIVE OR FEEL LIKE I'M NOT DOING GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY CHILDREN-CONSTANTLY TRYING TO FEEL THIS VOID. THE LIST COULD GO ON AND ON FROM JUST ONLY ONE penetration WHAT I CALL RAPE. THE RAPES/SEXUAL ABUSE DESTROYED MY TRUST IN PEOPLE, RELATIONSHIPS, IN MYSELF, AND THE WORLD AROUND ME. INSIDE EXTREME FEAR/ANXIETY WHO YA GONNA TURN TO? ALL ALONE DUE TO FEARS OF TRUSTING, AND THAT'S ONLY JUST ONE OF MANY, MANY OF NEEDING SOMETHING SO, SO, SO BAD, AND YET BEING SO, SO TERRIFIED TO REACH OUT FOR IT AND THEN WHEN YOU DO YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO CULTIVATE IT/FIND/KNOW FROM INSIDE YOURSELF THAT ALONE, HATED, BAD PART THAT'S SO DAMAGED FROM THE penetrations WHAT I CALL RAPES. THOSE RAPES JUST AREN'T PHYSICAL ONES. THOSE PEDOPHILES RAPED MY SOUL. IT'S BEEN A LOT OF TIME, INPATIENT HOSPITALIZATIONS AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN, WHICH MADE IT DIFFICULT ON THEM AND ME, HARD, HARD WORK EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY, EXPENSIVE, AGONIZING, SLOW, ONE STEP FORWARD 6 STEPS BACK, IT'S A PART OF MY LIFE FOREVER, BUT IT HAS MADE ME MORE STRONGER, MORE DETERMINED TO TAKE BACK EVERYTHING THAT WAS TAKEN FROM ME, BUT I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO FORGIVE MY ABUSERS THAT'S FOR GOD TO DO NOT ME, I DON'T FOCUS ON THEM I FOCUS ON ME AND WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE. IT'S NOT THEM OR WHAT THEY DID TO ME ANYMORE, AND IT'S NOT IN MY POWER TO FORGIVE THEM I DON'T HOLD THEIR SALVATION ONLY MINE. I'M NOT DOING IT FOR THEM. SO, WHEN I SEE THESE PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF STRUGGLING WITH THESE ISSUES BE SERIOUS ABOUT AND QUIT TALKING ABOUT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT SURELY ISN'T SOMETHING TO SIT AROUND AND DISCUSS AND MAKE EXCUSES FOR, WONDER IF YOU ARE OR NOT OR TRY AND JUSTIFY OR COMPARE TO A CARROT TO A CARROT PEELER-NONE OF THESE DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. YOU HAVE THE THOUGHTS, YOU HAD THE COURAGE TO PUT THEM OUT THERE WONDERING IF IT MAKES YOU A PEDOPHILE OR NOT-THAT'S NOT THE DAMNED ISSUE. THE ISSUE IS YOU HAVE THE THOUGHTS AND YOU MASTURBATE TO THEM, AND YOU ARE SCARED THAT IT'S POSSIBLE YOU COULD ACT ON THOSE THOUGHTS, AND THERE'S THE SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUE. THE ONLY THING I CAN COMMEND YOU AND THE OTHERS WHO ARE HAVING THESE SAME THOUGHTS ON IS HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE OPEN ABOUT THEM TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM, YOU HAVEN'T ACTED UPON THEM, AND I HOPE THERE'S SOME WAY OR SOME THING OR PERSON THAT IMPACTS YOU ENOUGH TO ERASE THESE THOUGHTS OR AT LEAST TO THE POINT WHERE THEY WILL NEVER, EVER BE ACTED UPON I SO SINCERELY HOPE AND THAT'S IT. IF YOU ACT ON THEM I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL IF THERE'S A HELL OR HOPEFULLY YOU GET CAUGHT AND GO TO THE BIGHOUSE AND LET THE BIG BOYS SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE THEN YOU WILL KNOW THAT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE WITH IT THAN WHAT YOU THINK THERE IS! BUT I SINCERELY HOPE THAT NONE OF THAT HAPPENS FOR A CHILD/CHILDREN OR ANY OF YOU STRUGGLING WITH THESE THOUGHTS BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH NOW IS NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING COMPARED TO THE DAMAGE INFLICTED WHEN A CHILD HAS BEEN RAPED OR SEXUALLY ABUSED LIKE MANY PROBABLY HAVE HERE IN THIS COMMUNITY INCLUDING ME. AS FAR AS ONES VIEWING CP FOR ALL I KNOW SOME OF THOSE YOU LOOK AT COULD BE ME BECAUSE MY OWN THE MOTHER TOOK PHOTOS OF ME THAT I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO FIND, MY ABUSERS TOOK PHOTOS OF ME THAT I AM SO ASHAMED OF. IT'S DIFFICULT TO KNOW THERE ARE PHOTOS/VIDEOS OF ME IN SHAMEFUL, DEGRADING, HUMILIATING, ABUSIVE SEX ACTS FLOATING AROUND SOMEWHERE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE, SO IT'S LIKE AN EMOTIONAL, MENTAL RAPE IN MY 38 YR OLD MIND, WHICH TAKES ME BACK TO THE TERROR OF BRIGHT FLASHES GOING OFF IN MY MIND. EXPOSED. HIDDEN, BUT NOT REALLY. EVER. BUT COURAGE ALWAYS. AND FOREVER AND EVER. FIND YOUR COURAGE, USE IT, AND KEEP IT, DON'T EVER, EVER LET IT GO BECAUSE YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO.

[scared]

hrtttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[scared]

hetrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

htttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

65uiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[FlowFreak]

I agree that they pose a threat, however I think people should treat people with these fantasies with respect and not upset them because that only makes things much much worse.

I would disagree that anybody who feels attraction to children is a pedophile, to be a pedophile is a ruined life, social rejection is highly upsetting.

These people shouldnt be made to be upset, upsetting somebody about pedophillia is very bad, it leads to more mental health problems, it totally makes things so much worse, when somebody is upset about pedophillia they loose their sex drive (towards adults) and have to spend the rest of their lives on medication, speaking from personal experience.

to me it should only be if you do it.

scared,

You said you would "very much like to know exactly the damage that could be done to a child." It seems to me that you don't even care from the responses I have seen thus far from you, which is just like a pedophile-they do not care. I guess you really didn't want to know.

I DO agree thoughts of sexual attraction to children make one a pedophile due to the thought content whether the thoughts have been acted out or not.

Survivors of child sexual abuse/rape deserve respect too, and these people should not be made to be upset either! Upsetting someone about being sexually abused and raped as a child is very bad also. Extremely. I have had to take all the blame, guilt, hatred, anger/RAGE, dirtiness, filth, some I'm still having to work on! and place it back where it rightfully belongs on the pedophiles! I will not let you sit here and say in this community what you have said in the above quote, and place the blame where it does not belong! (i.e) By upsetting you, you lose your sex drive (toward adults.)

And to you a "ruined life is to be a pedophile," NO! A RUINED LIFE IS TO BE SEXUALLY ABUSE/RAPED BY A PEDOPHILE-THAT'S A RUINED LIFE!!! THAT IS MUCH MORE TO IT AND MUCH MORE EXTREMELY UPSETTING THAN TWO WORDS OF JUST "SOCIAL REJECTION!" I SO WISH I CAME OUT OF THAT HELL BEING UPSET ONLY BY THOSE 2 WORDS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SO EASY TO DEAL WITH COMPARED TO WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH!!! DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING???!!!! I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT BEING HIGHLY UPSET REALLY MEANS! Poor children that are around you! I so hope you don't act, but if you do like I said before I so hope you get caught and while in prison you will OWN the feeling of highly upset!

The only statement I think you've said that's been true on here is "Nobody can defend being a pedophile ither.." And the other true statement is

Thoughts may make you a paedophile - but actions make you a child abuser, and I don't think anyone could try to defend that.

You have your answer now, so get the hell out of here! Edited November 9, 2008 by FlowFreak
angry

[Kalima]

I have to say I agree with FlowFreak. It seems scared that despite the generally constructive posts which people have made in reference to this subject you ahve decided you disagee.

That in it's self is okay, but your justification seems ludicus to me.

Quote: "I would disagree that anybody who feels attraction to children is a pedophile, to be a pedophile is a ruined life, social rejection is highly upsetting.

These people shouldnt be made to be upset, upsetting somebody about pedophillia is very bad, it leads to more mental health problems, it totally makes things so much worse, when somebody is upset about pedophillia they loose their sex drive (towards adults) and have to spend the rest of their lives on medication, speaking from personal experience.

to me it should only be if you do it. "

You explained that you disagree that sexual attraction alone should not equall being a peadophile, justifying it as this would mean your life was ruined.

A few points. No one would ever know of your sexual attraction to children unless you publicised it or were caught acting on these kinds of feelings. If no one knows about it then there is no stigma.

You want people to say that these kind of thoughts are accaptable, that these kinds of fantasies and desires are 'normal'. Well, they arnt. They are not 'normal', but you cannot fully control your thoughts. I cannot honestly blame you for having them. You must know in your own mind that sexual attraction to children is wrong, why else did you ask?

I am glad you are aware this is an issue for you. Now you have the advantage of knowing that this could cause a problem for you, you ensure you do not act on these thoughts. I WANT you to feel guilt for these thoughts, guilt means you know they are wrong. Guilt means you have the opertunity to consider your actions.

I hope this is clear.

[FlowFreak]

Kalima-Thanks for your support, and also I have edited my post since your post supporting mine.

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared