too many failures to live with...

[fillwproblem]

hello

i'm a jobless (more than 1.5yrs unemployed) engineer. I used to take part in several group,games in my undergrad years. I was well known person to faculty member and had many people known me there. During my years there, I was very cool person, always wanting to help my friend who need help in their assignment and tell them about new things in technology and even teach them. After my undergrad completed, i began to search for jobs. This one firm call me to give exam and I gave but they didn't recruited me. Then i gave exam to another firm...again no recruitment.I tried everything...recommendation from faculty member and relatives..nothing worked for me. But my same friend whom i taught and helped them to pass the undergrad where getting jobs. I thought it was my bad luck. Then I decided to prepared myself for graduate studies abroad. So, I started to prepare for prerequistic english languages test. During which i got a job at one firm where I had to join very next day of interview. I had this exam coming up in 4 days. So, I went join that firm for 2 days and resigned for it and seeing no limit to prepare myself for exam. I did my best in exam but later my result was very poor. I was sad about it and also i was regretting resigning from that job.

I have tried almost every firms that fits my resume...but no one recruited me. Even i tried the same firm after 1 yr ,they rejected me again. I don't see that they rejected me due to my incompetence on the skill they are looking...because..the same friend to whom i taught where getting recruited sooner and later.

In search of job, over 1.5 years have passed..i'm very depressed...i quited to apply for jobs...i think nothing lucky happened to me...i know i should have been recruited to some firm...but i don't know why everyone rejected me. my abroad plan is halted. there is problem in my family due to me. I'm spending my time just watching tv in my room. I lost contact with my friends, avoid going to social gathering and avoid due my family works. when I remember all these thing I'm avoiding...i think i'm not a person. There is something big wrong with me. I cannot tell this thing with my family....they know...how depressed i am....i don't want to eat properly. I hate myself.

I posted this because i need to someone listen to my story and help me to movtivate and tell me whats wrong with me.

hoping get a reply

[Mark]

fillwproblem,

Your issue is very likely in the depression spectrum, as in Major Depression. I say this on the basis of the symptoms you're reporting, which include withdrawing socially from others, losing the desire to eat, feeling depressed, and losing confidence in yourself. it is also relevant that you did not feel this way prior to this difficulty you've had in securing employment. That suggests that this problem now is not a lifelong developmental sort of thing.

So - I encourage you to read our Depression topic center, and especially the sections on the treatment of depression. There are a variety of therapies you can look into, including medications and several forms of psychotherapy, plus simple "treatments" you can pursue on a self-help basis including exercise - vigorous exercise several times a week tends to have an antidepressant effect.

Unless there is something happening that isn't obvious, what is affecting you now is treatable and you can start to feel better with a little effort and resources

The issue of unemployment is very stressful, of course, and that will need to be something you resolve over time. You must have tried to identify what it is that you are "missing" from your resume or presentation such that you get passed over. Do you have any ideas about what that is and how it might be corrected? Or could it be that it has just been bad luck (random chance) that you've been passed over?

Mark

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Fllwproblem and Verka,

Verka, gee, thank you for the kind words about my articles.

Verka, what you describe is familiar territory for me. Over many years, I treated a number of people who failed exams they should have passed, or did poorly when they should not have. In fact, I have a good friend who is a Clinical Psychologist and Psychoanalyst in New York City. We started our careers together before either of us had PhD's or experience.

My friend was doubtful about doing very well in his career because, as he said: "I do not test well."

We were each in psychotherapy (different therapists) and, in the end, he took the Graduate Record Exams in Psychology and in general subjects and scored very, very high. This was after years of being convinced he could not do well because he had done so poorly on the College Entrance Exams, years prior.

Well, he was accepted into Graduate School, and completed his studies and has a successful career.

My point to you is this:

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, YOU ONLY BELIEVE YOU ARE!!!!!!!!

Go to therapy. I suspect, or in my opinion:

you are not depressed because you did poorly on the exam,

You did poorly on the exam because you are depressed.

I hope to hear your reply.

Allan