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without hope


Endlessnight

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Hi Bluerose. You dont need to apologise for anything. I know it's hard for people in the west to really understand just how things are here in Saudi Arabia.

It was a culture shock when I first came here over 30 years ago and not that much has changed since then. We have no cinemas, theatres, music halls, museums (other than private ones), or even public libraries. Parks are almost non-existent. Music is forbidden in public except at weddings. Just going for a walk is next to impossible and not just because of the heat and the covering we women must wear which tends to make you overheat, especially if you are, as I am menopausal. Trying to do the simplest things here is a major hassle.

I cannot live alone as I am unmarried and my relatives wouldn't allow it. Women are not even allowed to stay in a hotel unless they are accompanied by a man. I do have friends i'm glad to say, but none that I could share any of my innermost feelings with. None I could say this too.

It's very easy to get discouraged. Even easier for someone like me, someone not really connected with anything. Feeling as I do that there is no point in anything does makes even writing here seem pointless to me after a while. What will my complaining accomplish? Nothing. Yes, it's nice to feel someone is listening for a change. Good to get things out...but how long will that feeling last? Knowing myself and going on things in the past, not very long. I wish I had a reason to do things but I don't. I wish I had a reason to live, but I don't. Everything seems like a waste of time and effort to me.

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