Men, Women, Sex and Marriage

[Guest ASchwartz]

Several days ago I posted to our blog on Mental Help Net about a book written by Dr. "Laura Laura" (as she is know on the radio) Schlessinger called, The Proper Feeding and Care of Husbands. In the chapter of the book that she devotes to sexual relations she takes a very critical stance towards wives whom she blames for showing little interest in dressing and behaving "sexy" towards their husbands. She also blames these wives for not wanting to have more frequent sex with their husbands after they have married several years and have children. She points out that these wives stop wearing sexy lingerie and, instead, wear pajamas and sweat suits.

One of our readers blasted the posting as being biased towards men and complained that the post must have been written by a man.

The reader was correct, the post was written by a man but the book was written by a woman, Dr. Laura.

Let's start the dialogue. Do you agree with Dr. Laura point of view that wives stop showing sexual interest in their husbands after several years? Is this a one sided issue with women at fault and, if not, what do husbands contribute to the sexual problems of married people?

Allan Schwartz, PhD

[Lizzy]

I don't agree with that assessment at all. I believe that can sometimes be the case, but why should women dress sexy for their husbands? Why can't both partners dress sexy for each other? I see the health of the sexual relationship as a two-way street. Both partners need to put equal effort into it.

[nightfalls]

Hmmm this is an interesting issue, and I'd have to say that I don't necessarilly agree with her on the assessment that it is "up to the wifes" to dress sexy "for" there husbands I agree with Lizzy that it should be up to both the partners to be activly involved with each others interests.

However I do think that this situatuion happends often as I can relate to the reality of being married and with kids myself. I think what is confused with not "wanting to" for these women might be that "there is not alot of time" for all the fancy's and at the end of the day after running around after kids and houskeeping and working and cooking and and and...you might not want the fancy's in the same way as you did before the marrage not because you are not interested more so because you may be just to tired. Just my thoughts..

[Guest ASchwartz]

Perhaps there is not a lot of time or energy?

What do you think?

[Mark]

I think it puts a lot of pressure on the women. Dr. Laura is not a fan of the modern equal marriage partnership I dont' think. She would prefer the heirarchical model, where women are subservient to their men. If you're bought into that heirarchial way of thinking, what she says makes some sense, but just the same, it puts extra and unnecessary pressure on women. If you think that heirarchy is a bad idea, then her advice is just bad advice.

[Guest h8cruelty]

It's all about compatibility. A woman who loves sex needs to be with a man who loves sex. It's all about satisfying each others needs. Passionate people need to be with passionate partners. If you're not into an uninhibited sexual relationship, then find someone like yourself. Otherwise, find that person who fulfills all of your sexual fantasies, and enjoy all that life has to offer.

[Natalie]

I also think that what's very important is a sense of flexibility and willingness to adapt the relationship to the current situation. One person mentioned how difficult it can be balance work/home demands with finding time for sex when there are young children around. I think this is also the case when one or both partners work alot, travel, etc. Couples need to be willing to to redefine the when/where/how of their intimate relationships as life stages change.