Need help please...

[Beav3r]

I don't know if this is the right place to put this... I really don't know how to find out if you have any mental disorders, but I want to find out if I might be a sociopath. Ever since I can remember, I've had trouble with authority. I've had problems with drug abuse over the years, and I've yet to be able to hold down a job. I'm a very angry person, and I always do things that are borderline illegal or flat out against the law. Whenever I get into trouble, I seem to be able to talk myself out of it. Not because I feel true remorse for what I've done, but I guess I just have some kind of charm about me that makes people think that I'm genuine. I rarely care about how things I do affect other people... if I ever care, I don't really know. I don't know, I think I might have some kind of antisocial personality disorder. I need help. I'm going to get kicked out of my house, and I'm 17 years old, and I think it's because my head is messed up. I don't know what's going on.

[without]

I'm not in the health care business, but just know that lashing out at society is perfectly normal, particularly at your age. And, you might not feel anything about your actions now, but it may be that you haven't found the toolset to convey your emotions in a non-violent, antisocial way. I went through the same emotional thing, even with having to leave my mom's house at that same age. What I found later is that I was burying all my anger, frustration, and everything else inside, because I wasn't able to express the complex emotions I was having. I later became more proficient at it, and I'm able to express myself without lashing out, but these days I only get angry at things that are totally out of my control, and still affect me negatively. The negative crap that you unleash on the world will eventually turn into guilt. Without knowing what your family life is like, the expression of emotion in many families is treated very negatively, which isn't healthy at all.

The thing that helped me the most was going to see a psychiatrist for about 6 months when I was in high school, and I recommend doing the same: you can get really great discounts in group therapy sessions (mine was like $15 per visit with 5 other people in the group). I quit going when the main therapist quit doing it to finish her schooling.

On another note, some teenagers are ready to leave the house at 17. When everyday becomes a fight with parents, teachers, and everyone else that is telling you what to do, it might be time for your own independence. I suggest trying to rent a room w/ others in the same situation (or those fresh out of high school); I managed to rent a walk-in closet on my Subway "part-time" job and still finish high school, for example. Don't cut complete contact with your guardians if you can avoid it; those weekend meals really help save. And, in particular, don't let it screw up your education, b/c thats the only way to get ahead of the situation, financially.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[Natalie]

Hi Beav3r-

Thanks for your question and welcome to the community. The behaviors you are describing in someone your age (less than 18) may fit the diagnosis of Conduct Disorder (which is basically a young person's version of Antisocial Personality Disorder). We have a great deal of information about Conduct Disorder in our article on Childhood Mental Illnesses (scroll down to the section on Conduct Disorder).

It is best that you see a mental health professional with expertise in diagnosing and treating children who have Conduct Disorder. I know you are not a child, but that type of therapist would have the most skills regarding this condition. This therapist could also make sure that this is indeed your diagnosis, as opposed to some other issue like anger management, etc.

Could you talk with your caregivers about wanting to get an assessment?