Humour - the best defence

[malign]

I don't really think you did anything wrong, Luna, but I'll go ahead and transport us all to the Lounge, where I hope you can continue. Personally, I find humor very therapeutic, and I inflict it on those around me fairly often.

[Reezoronson]

made me shed a smile !

[Luna-]

Thank you, malign (and thank you Allan, as well)

I'm more at ease with it being moved. I think I didn't grasp the structure and intentions of the different forum rooms well enough. I smiled at your use of the word "inflict" (I do too! Well, I just did, didn't I?) - it's very accurate and perhaps also why it is better placed here - not inflicted on anyone.

Besides now it is in a "common room" and not just with the bipolarbears (I'd intended just posting BP jokes) so others who want to, can have a laugh.

----

A number of cows are grazing in a field. They look tense and are all huddled close to each other, except for one cow who seems very happy and has wandered off humming a little tune to herself.

One of the tense cows comes up to her and says, "How can you be so happy and relaxed? Don't you know there is Mad Cow disease going around?"

"Oh, that won't affect me," says the happy cow.

"How do you know that? None of us is immune to it," says the worried cow.

The happy cow replies, smiling, "I'm a helicopter."

[08hduc]

Emoticons for Psychiatric Med Management

:-) stable. cont prozac 40mg. f/u 3 mos.

:-)) reduce prozac to 20mg. f/u 1mo.

:-)))) d/c prozac. add lithium 300 tid. check TSH, creatinine, lithium level. f/u 1wk.

:-D add depakote. check valproic acid level, Liver Panel, CBC. f/u 1wk.

:-| stable. cont prozac 40 mg. f/u 1mo.

:-( increase prozac to 60mg. f/u 2wk.

:'-( add wellbutrin SR 150mg. f/u 1wk.

X-( call 911. send to ER. check for OD.

:*} check breathalyzer. refer to AA.

%-} weekly tox screen. refer to AA/NA.

:-&@? add haldol 2mg bid.

|-0 d/c ambien.

:-# d/c elavil. use hard candies.

;-P d/c haldol. add clozapine. AIMS exam. vitamin E 800 iu bid.

:-)~ reduce haldol. add cogentin to reduce sialorrhea.

;-) establish boundaries. do not schedule at end of day.

;-x see with chaperone only.

[Luna-]

Ahhhh, just had a real belly laugh! Thank you, I needed that! These are sooo clever....

[Guest Ilook@allthelonelypeople]

I forget which comedian said this, but it stands out in my memory as being so applicable:

"At Thanksgiving this year I made one of those classic Freudian slips. I meant to ask my Dad if he would pass the salt, and instead, what came out was: 'You schmuck; you ruined my childhood."

[Luna-]

Haha, good one.

--

ADD stands for Attention Deficit hey look at that pretty butterfly!

[Luna-]

Patient: Doctor, please help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN’T I??? WEREN'T YOU LISTENING???

[Guest ASchwartz]

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, it hurts, it hurts when I do this.

Doctor: So, stop doing this!!!

Allan

[Luna-]

Haha - that is such a... therapist ... kind of funny...

In fact that is exactly what he said...

Are you reading my thoughts Allan? You guys can do stuff like that?

[Luna-]

One for irritable mania:

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

[Lindamomof7]

I'm sure you have all heard this saying, I have a plaque on my desk thats says

"I live in my own little world but it's ok they know me here"

[Luna-]

Not a joke as such, but:

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well! -- Joe Ancis

[Luna-]

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

[smallstar]

..........

[Luna-]

Hi smallstar

What does it mean when you type: .............. ?

[08hduc]

Sleep Anxiety Cure

When he got to the psychiatrist's office, Bubba said, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.

"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later, the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money, I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

[08hduc]

The Social Psychology Experiment

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

[08hduc]

Signs that you are an Internet Addict

1.) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

2.) You step out of your room and realize that your parents have

moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

3.) Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

4.) Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

5.) You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,

like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

6.) You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

7.) Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you

see a new WWW site address on TV.

8.) You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can

hear if new e-mail arrives.

9.) Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you

of what she looks like.

10.) All of your friends have an @ in their names.

11.) When looking at a web page full of someone else's links,

you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

12.) Your dog has its own home page.

13.) You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.

14.) You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you

check it again.

15.) Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.

16.) You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

17.) You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends,

because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

18.) Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.

19.) You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and

check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

20.) You tell the kids they can't use the computer because

"Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.

21.) You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

22.) Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

23.) You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with

Netscape 3.0 or higher."

24.) You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your

ISP... because you never log off.

25.) The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.

26.) You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the

chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

27.) Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...

so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so

the two of you can chat.

28.) As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain

road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

[smallstar]

..............

[08hduc]

Cognitive Restructuring

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.

Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.

"Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.

When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried.

The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.

He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!"

Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"

[Luna-]

CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Oprah show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Oz proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

Pass this on if you know anyone you think might be in need of inner peace.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Did you hear about the guy, a real genius, who rolled his motor cycle into his his house to do some maintenance and shine it up using a can of gasoline. Well, he accidentally pushed the accelerator and, still hold onto the motor cycle, went crashing through the plate glass window. He was taken to the hospital where the doctors repaired all the cuts and bruises he suffered.

The guy is brought back home by his wife who sees to it that he goes to bed. While he is sleeping, she spills the left over can of gasoline into the toilet and cleans the house.

Later that day, the husband wakes up, goes to the bathroom, sits on the toilent and smokes a cigarette.

Yup, the toilet explodes, he suffers injuries to his butt and is again taken to the hospital. Oh, by the way, the stretcher bearers, laughing hysterically because this is their second trip with this guy, drop him on the ground.

Is there a moral to this story???

No: if ist true, its very funny.

Allan:D

[John Rutledge]

Elderly couple in funeral home in front of casket - "Martha, I told him back in '68 'Frank, if you leave Alcoholics Anonymous, you're gonna die. It took 42 years, but I finally proved my point ...'".

Best regards,

[malign]

"Sic transit ..."

So, John, does that mean the guy in the casket was named Gloria? ;-)