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response to the recent thread


finding my way
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Well, I have to admit that I've been feeling pretty down since that discussion this afternoon. I've not had a good day today anyway. Isolating, feeling discouraged. It did bring me down. Not from my own pain, but because it just reinforced how cruel people can be to others, children no less, and reinforced my feeling that people should not be trusted... maybe I just needed to cry today...

Edited by Symora
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Well, in the interests of the site, I felt I had to take the thread down.

I hope no one misses it. ;-)

I'm quite sure that it was never the intent that people should feel that their pain could be minimized in any way, and I join with 'finding' in inviting anyone who felt hurt by the earlier thread to talk about it with us.

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If your talking about the thread started by Mark, I really think Mark should tie the loose ends up with the people who responded and then use that as a source of future threads started and answered by Mark and Allan....

Has that ever been done here? I really only see Allan respond to threads and those are selective....

Since there seems to be an interest in this topic, then maybe we should have a healthier discusion of it started.....

:)

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It was the thread that Mark D started on sexual abuse. I was concerned that some were getting in trouble because of being triggered, so I started this thread. I know it triggered me for sure :). Sorry that I wasn't more clear. I'm sure Mark D will be back to say something about it all. Bluerose and amberlyn, please don't think you did anything wrong or said anything wrong, because you didn't.

Edited by finding my way
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I ‘opened up’ quite a bit in that thread. If I said anything that upset anyone I apologise. It was a rather startling thread title but since I’m not dealing with sexual abuse it didn’t ‘trigger’ me at all, quite the opposite in fact. I perfectly understand if it has been taken down because it upset someone. One of the most important things we do around here is to help and support each other - and protect each other. I hope everyone has recovered from any upset.

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Mary,

It's not "messed up" to suffer. Now, I hope you suffer less from this as time goes on, but there's no need to blame yourself for it now.

Dr. Dombeck's thread did get removed, during the night, in the interests of everybody who was finding it difficult to deal with, or even personally offensive. I'm sure that wasn't his intent, but intentions aren't the important things; results are.

What I would hope, now that this has all happened, is that we can use it to do the most possible good. To that end, I hope that this thread can serve as a place to discuss any bad feelings that came up and how to move on from them. And in the hope that those who were hurt can hear that we support you.

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I'm with Blue rose, If my "opening" up which I actually didn't think I was going to do offended anyone, I'm sorry.

I guess sometimes the ability to reply can be good and bad at times it seems... even for ourselves who are typing the words.

It hit a different realization for me thinking about the deep meaning and I think for me it was a good and bad thing. It was good because i touched on the feelings I dont think I was ever able to really understand and then although I was feeling good (hooray for me) for a little bit it did spiral me down mentally but I guess I am still up and moving around.

But it clearly affected me mentally and brought me to a place I needed to explore through me and everyone else's replies.

So I am hoping this can be a sense of healing through some initial misery and I only hope for me and others we can take this expereince and move toward a healthy process of healing....

:(

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For me, it wasn't what others wrote that was upsetting. It was the topic in general...I don't know it seemed kinda like an insult. I know that it did not say that abuse isn't traumatic but it still felt like maybe that was the author's (not mark but the author of the article he was talking about) intent. Also just talking about this topic in general is just too frightening to me. I am not close to being okay. As for how I get through today... I have got my list of chores. I will just try to follow my list and shut down the bad parts of me. Thanks to everyone for being here. It is nice to feel a support net 'out there'

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I don't think anyone should feel sorry about having shared, that is what we were asked to do. And I don't think there was any ill intent on Mark's part or anyone else's. There is a difference between discussing these things at an intellectual level and feeling the pain of having lived it. Unfortunately for those of us who have lived abuse the two are sometimes too closely intertwined.

Now don't go triggering on having shared your pain and feeling guilty about that ... just feel the love we have here and let go of the rest ...:(

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Thank you, Symora, that's it exactly.

There was no problem with what people shared. The concern was that the original topic was too controversial, and provoked such strong emotion, that it was better to remove it completely. The most important thing, here, is whether a topic promotes healing. If it turns out that it does the opposite, well then, it's our job to take it off and do what we can to make amends.

This place is here as a service to the members. We're a family, or we'd like to be. If you guys aren't served, we change to do something that will.

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Well personally, I feel really ashamed. and very sorry that I shared some of what I went through. I was kinda hurt that what sis and me experienced can be summed up as confusing, and not necessarily traumatising.

You know I cant even say that I read all of what admin Mark wrote, and as for Dr C, after trying to read some of what she wrote, well my emotions went into hyperdrive. With me, I dont know how to explaiin it, but certain words just send me to a place that I really dont want to be, and other words in the rest of the sentence and paragraphs, just fade into meaningless squggles.

i triggered myself, in a big way, should never of posted what I wrote. Still triggered now, and thats after the most horrific night in a long while, and it seems today has just been one frigging flashback after another.bit thats ok, coz well be ok.

I just feel kinda rresponsible for triggering others with my words, and the thought of that just makes me feel real bad, and well Im just sorry.

idk, yeah just sorry.

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Dear Sue, there is not one thing you did that was wrong. It's the trauma we have that is triggering, and anything that brings those events up has the potential to be triggering. That thread was pulling traumatized people into a discussion that caused all that stuff to come up. No one who responded did anything wrong. :(

What we want to do now is learn from what happened and take care of each other. I really think people are doing that. You especially, Sue. Thank you so much for the time you spent finding that picture for my blog and saying those comforting things.:(

It is something we do... blame ourselves... you are not the only one. I know the pull is very strong, but please lean on us a little Sue, and please don't blame yourself for what happened, then or now. That dynamic is so tricky, and is a trigger in itself. See what I mean? We are all learning here. If there is anything anyone has found that helps with this, let us know!!!:o I think I understand why we blame ourselves, but I don't know how to make it stop other than to lean on the help of friends from time to time.

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It feels like I am an idiot for responding to the orginal thread in the first place. I don't talk much about that , incident. It happened, its ovwer, and it did leave a tremendous impression on me afterwards. Scared me, terrified me, disgusted me.

I carried around a small knife after that to school. Even though I did not fully comprehend the whole experience, I knew enough that it did have a impact on me quickly.

It left me in terror is what it did.

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mscat I ma so sorry you went through that... It sucks!!! And your feelings were justified and to carry a knife to school was what you needed to do...

I hope you are not hard on yourself for answering that question, I think all of us that answered had "something" we needed to share....

And like you said, it happened, it's over and it left an impression. I hope you are able to find that place where you are able to put it in persepective in the here and now.

I think that is what we are all searching for. That very fine line of being a survivor is so important to find and I wish us all luck in trying to find it.....

:(

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