LaLa Posted May 28, 2016 Report Share Posted May 28, 2016 I think this might me a good read for all of us, trying to help one another : http://markmanson.net/how-to-give-advice (Haven't yet read it all, but...) WARNING: there's some quite "strong language", I'm sorry... IrmaJean 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted May 28, 2016 Report Share Posted May 28, 2016 Good article. Thank you for sharing. Some thoughts... I always try to use "I think" before I offer my personal thoughts and I often use questions to help a person find their own insights. I think number 3 is very important. I think in order to accomplish this, though, personal feelings may need to be set aside--which can be very challenging sometimes--to try and meet the person in the space they are in. This can be a great place to learn about oneself too, though, I have found. When those feelings do come up for me, I gain awareness and a better understanding of my own triggers etc which can help me in my interactions with others and maybe even in my relationships as well. So I think we can learn a lot about ourselves too during these kinds of interactions. Hopefully we learn from one another here and hopefully this can be helpful. LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 Very nice and insightful interview: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/schedule-for-friday-june-10-2016-1.3628309/alain-de-botton-reveals-what-makes-a-relationship-last-in-the-course-of-love-1.3628353 Or, at least, an article by the interviewed author: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person By ALAIN de BOTTONMAY 28, 2016 http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?_r=0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) Very nice and insightful interview: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/schedule-for-friday-june-10-2016-1.3628309/alain-de-botton-reveals-what-makes-a-relationship-last-in-the-course-of-love-1.3628353 Or, at least, an article by the interviewed author: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person By ALAIN de BOTTONMAY 28, 2016 http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?_r=0 _ Added later: Also from this author: https://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success Edited June 12, 2016 by LaLa added link Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted June 11, 2016 Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 Thank you for sharing, LaLa. The second article alludes some to attachment difficulties, which I have a lot of interest in. We're often (sometimes unconsciously) drawn to those whose behaviors within a relationship match with our earliest caretakers' behaviors and with our previously learned expectations. This happens even though there may have been dysfunction and insecure attachment within those relationships. During our first relationships, we form an internal representation of "how things work" within relationships that tends to be repeated in our adult relationships. That is one reason why negative patterns so often repeat themselves. A person will often be drawn to another person who can't meet their needs. A person who attaches with an anxious insecure style may thus feel attracted to a person who attaches with an avoidant insecure style and vice versa. The good news is that this is something that can be worked with to improve our relationships. I found an article some years ago that gave me so much more awareness and understanding within my relationships. I'm sure I shared it on the site, though I can't recall where now. I did, however, find this article. http://instanews.cmcm.com/share/detail/16122400?lan=en_US&pid=3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 Perhaps interesting for some of you : "Moving During Childhood Can Have Major Consequences Later in Life" http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/moving_during_childhood_has_major_consequences_later_in_life_20160623 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 interesting. we moved to a different country when i was 7-8, and again when i was about 12 (and was doing well). i also had to change schools a couple of years later (without moving). this could've played a "negative" role in shaping my current psychological state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 20, 2016 Report Share Posted July 20, 2016 I'm listening to this audiobook and this chapter stroke me as... well... very insightful in several ways. I hope some of you will enjoy it, too: 4 A Dangerous Lecture to a Young Woman (I feel very much like that "young woman" there...) (Self and Self-management: Essays about Existing by Arnold BENNETT (1867 - 1931)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted July 21, 2016 Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resolute Posted July 21, 2016 Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 43 minutes ago, mts said: I don't know about you, but throughout my life people always asked "what do you want to do?" and I always said I didn't know. take it from me, mts, not knowing what you wanna do is probably better than knowing what you wanna do and knowing that you can't do it. Obsolete 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 21, 2016 Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 8 hours ago, Resolute said: not knowing what you wanna do is probably better than knowing what you wanna do and knowing that you can't do it. I agree with this . But not knowing can often be hard, too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 21, 2016 Report Share Posted July 21, 2016 9 hours ago, mts said: I don't know about you, but throughout my life people always asked "what do you want to do?" and I always said I didn't know Well, I don't know much about it either, but I know it "in general": I'd like to do something that would feel useful, something where I would have the feeling that I'm capable of doing it well, ... (and some more criteria I don't remember now in a hurry) But I have no idea what it could be because in every case, I have the impression (?) that "I wouldn't be able to do that well, I lack too many skills, I can't promise to do such work not being sure I'll be able to to do it, ..." So I don't even search for a job, which sucks... 9 hours ago, mts said: I enjoyed the audiobook I'm glad you did, too . Perhaps you'll enjoy this, also: https://librivox.org/the-human-machine-by-arnold-bennett/ This book describes me so well!!! I'm not sure I've ever seen an author who speaks to me directly like this, naming "all" my terrible characteristics and stupid "excuses" for "not being able to change"! He does, but he also offers hope - and what's more, he describes a way to change which doesn't seem impossible to me! For the 1st time in my life?? (-Not sure about that, but certainly for the 1st time in the latests years.) I feel I need to listen to it several times and really try to put in practice his advises. It's even more peculiar that it's more or less in line with some principles of the buddhist approach presented in the Coursera course I mentioned elsewhere in the forum... Interesting... mts 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 I have to add an info: The 1st chapter (except for its very end) isn't "about me" at all. I actually enjoyed the book so much only from chapter 3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted July 25, 2016 Report Share Posted July 25, 2016 - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 26, 2016 Report Share Posted July 26, 2016 Just BTW; these books are great to listen to thanks to the wonderful reader. I've actually downloaded also the text and I like it, but not at all as much as the audio-version where to tone of voice adds to much :). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted July 28, 2016 Report Share Posted July 28, 2016 - LaLa and IrmaJean 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted August 15, 2016 Report Share Posted August 15, 2016 I've just heard about this book; it seems it can be very helpful to people with a chronic illness and their caregivers: http://www.tonibernhard.com/Reviews.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted October 26, 2016 Report Share Posted October 26, 2016 - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted October 28, 2016 Report Share Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) On 10/27/2016 at 0:15 AM, mts said: I really liked some of the ideas in this book. I'm still on chapter eleven, but it has been a very enjoyable listen I'm pleased to hear it! BTW, here is my new recommandation (not a free book, this time - my husband bought the e-book version right after I'd sent him a link to it with a comment "Perhaps I should read this"): http://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/calm-set/ Quote Few life skills are as neglected, yet as important, as the ability to remain calm. Our very worst decisions and interactions are almost invariably the result of a loss of calm - and a descent into anxiety and agitation. Surprisingly, but very fortunately, our power to remain calm can be rehearsed and improved. It isn’t that we ever forget the value of calm, just that losing our composure is a constant risk. Every day brings with it new temptations to lose our tempers: the behaviour of partners, colleagues, children – and computers. Fresh distractions, worries and fears arise which leave us feeling anxious and unsettled. It's really good. And also original! It's, for instance, in opposition to the buddhist approach, which is quite unusual nowadays . I don't say the buddhist approach isn't "good" or "useful" - fortunately, it can be so for many - but there are people like me who can't find a way to learn and apply it... Perhaps it's not for everybody! I wonder if this book will make a difference in my life, after all... Edited October 28, 2016 by LaLa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted November 2, 2016 Report Share Posted November 2, 2016 Interesting explications about both main Am. presidential candidates: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/donald-trump-narcissism-and-diagnosis-as-political-sport/article32368690/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mts Posted November 4, 2016 Report Share Posted November 4, 2016 - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted November 12, 2016 Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 On 11/4/2016 at 10:16 PM, mts said: I haven't managed to bother to do it; I keep doubting the thoughts are helpful. They undoubtedly are for many people. I just think not for everyone and... perhaps for some of us it's also darder to determine if we would be able to benefit from them or not. ________ http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/11/11/13573850/psychologists-election-heartbreak-cartoon Quote We tend to overestimate the extent to which other people share our views, and when we learn they don’t, we’re caught off guard, flabbergasted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazz Posted November 20, 2016 Report Share Posted November 20, 2016 Just thought this short commentary about procrastination and perfectionism was vaguely interesting (I know, I'm not selling it am I ) https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/oct/07/the-pessimists-cure-for-procrastination-oliver-burkeman-philosophy LaLa 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted November 21, 2016 Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 Thanks for sharing, Jazz! I've particularly enjoyed the 1st paragraph! I'm not a perfectionist at all, but I sometimes do procrastinate because of the feeling I'll certainly fail - so "why bother trying"? I have to read the NYT essay he's been inspired by, too! jazz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted November 26, 2016 Report Share Posted November 26, 2016 @jazz What a nice coincidence! I've just posted a video interview (in the Psychotherapy section here) and then found out that the interviewer is the author of the article you posted and I liked - I didn't know it while listening to the conversation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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