notmary Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 Right now my therapist is away on a vacation. Even though she has left a way for me to get in touch with her, I won't do that. I have to learn to rely at least a bit on my own. I am having flashbacks... they are so real and frightening. I just neede to write something in the right now to somehow make me stay connected to reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 We are here for you notmary... I know that feeling of knowing the Dr otr therapist is away... pure anxiety!!!I f you feel like you have to call her, maybe think of what you think she will say to you if you talked to her? Maybe it is something she always says to you? Maybe write it down and read it when you need to? The flashbacks suck I know, and I hope you cna distract yourself with anything to keep them away. Treat yourself to something or do something out of your routine or even go out to eat, watch a movie , whatever you can do to get through till she returns....You can PM or blog anytime.... That is keeping me floating along.... Feel Better.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 hi notmaryI know how frightenly real flashbacks are, and im sorry that they are haunting you so bad today. try as linda suggests to do something out of your normal routine, or do something you enjoy.I know when I have a day where it seems to be one flashback after another, it sends me into panic stations, try listening to relaxing music, or if you are able meditate to a special place in your heart of a happy moment, maybe one of your children, or one where you are just having fun.Were here for you mary, and well were listening and will help if we can. take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted February 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2010 Just for today I will try to stay in the present. Already I have worked out and eaten a healthy breakfast. I will try today to take care of me. I am trying the suggestions ~ thank you~ with moments of success... I am going to try to focus on the positive moments and not to get stuck in the flashback moments... but they are so real and frightening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted February 16, 2010 Report Share Posted February 16, 2010 Hi Notmary,Your last post really captures what life is all about. Stay in the present and take care of yourself. That is a good idea for you, me and all of us.Allan:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted February 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2010 It sounded good when i typed it. Now i am bac in hell the memories are so real and i am trapped in th hell i wish i could die os that they would stop. how do you ever put back one whole person when the person i am is so shattered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted February 17, 2010 Report Share Posted February 17, 2010 Well then right now you need to survive. Can you put in place some distractions? A safe movie, a place to go, an activity to absorb you.... Dear one I'm so sorry you feel so alone and overcome. There has to be an activity that can break the spell. Then when you are a little steadier, there has to be things you can build on everyday to create a growing life. I'm taking accordion lessons!! Pretty nutty at my age, but for some reason it is important to me to try.Let us know how you are:o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted February 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2010 It seems that right now nothing is safe... my mind is just constantly being bombarded with pictures and that voice and the feelings are so real I just need to breathe and breathe... nothing else right now I dont' think that i am strong enough to get through these memories..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted February 17, 2010 Report Share Posted February 17, 2010 Then I am going to do tonglen for you, notmary. This is something I do when nothing else works. Here is the site that explains ithttp://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.phpI'm so sorry for your pain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 Hi notmary, how are you feeling now? Is your therapist back? Just touching base with you out of concern for what you have been struggling with. mscat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted March 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2010 Thank you for your concern. My therapist is back. I am struggling badly right now. I have lost hope that I will ever be more than this empty shell. Getting out of bed, getting dressed taking care of my children go to work...no joy no reliefthe flsahbacks have faded a it but the damage is done. The shame is overwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted March 7, 2010 Report Share Posted March 7, 2010 We stand with you, mary. We are not ashamed of you. We know how very very very hard this is. I'm so sorry you went through this. I hope your pain eases a little today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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