Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[flander]

People tell me "be yourself" and you will find her someday.

I hate it when people try to be helpful and use that old line of BS. Be thankful that you have friends or family that cared enough to try to set you up with someone.

I don't really have anything to add here other than it helps to stay busy to avoid seeing or thinking about women. I don't like knowing that I'll never have sex again, but I also wouldn't like the huge disappointment that would follow if I ever did.

Edited July 28, 2011 by flander

[flander]

hey 08hduc, I'll go out on a limb and say it was probably guys who started that I sort of compare it to womens feelings about boobs. Like girls with small boobs feel inadequate and less womanly.

No, it's more like Mother Nature. The shape and motion of the penis in the vagina makes it act as an extraction pump. The larger the penis, the more useful it is in removing competitors' semen away from the cervix. When a woman orgasms, the cervix opens and siphons liquid near it inside the uterus. So whatever is closer to it has a reproductive advantage. If the man and woman orgasm at the same rime, the closer the end of the penis is to the cervix, the higher the odds of his semen hitting the target and giving it a head start on the race to fertilize the egg. Larger breasts usually also result in higher milk production and the ability to support multiple offspring (twins, taking over for another mom who died in childbirth, etc). Even if one is not from a farm, it's not difficult to tell dairy cattle apart from those for beef production by observing the relevant parts of the anatomy.

yes it sucks when one is bored and BBC documentaries make one feel even more inferior than before.

[Jack's Smirking Revenge]

EricDavis2, you are 100% correct that it is up to you. I was a virgin until my mid-20s and it took me a long time to realize that attraction is not at all what I thought it was---i.e., all about looks, job status, height, race, and money. Nice guys don't finish last, but lonely, self-hating guys do. In the end, it's all about confidence. My penis is larger than average but I'm still insecure about my size (and always was). Most guys are.

Edited August 1, 2011 by Jack's Smirking Revenge

[EricDavis2]

I wish to God I had some good news to report about my love / sex life a year since my last post. Sadly, there is none.

I haven't had a date since a year ago last Valentine's Day. My life has been and continues to be a major disappointment. People have told me over the years things like "Oh, you just haven't met the right girl" or "Don't worry, it'll happen for you" or "Just be yourself" etc., etc., etc. Well, I've "been myself" for a long, long, long time and the hope that it might turn around some day has been a cruel joke on me.

The world revolves around love. It's the only thing that makes our existence meaningful - to have someone to share your experiences with, both to enjoy the positive and to be consoled when things don't go so well. Believe me, NOT having that special person to love is awful. And almost all of my adult life I've been without it.

The disppointment, shame, disgust, loneliness and dispair I feel on a daily basis is almost unbearable. I've learned the hard way that you can't always have what you want out of life. Doesn't matter how kind you are, how caring you are. I am a fish out of water. I am a square peg in a round hole. Life and love has passed me by.

[IrmaJean]

It's good to hear from you, Eric. I'm sorry you are still hurting.

Well, I've "been myself" for a long, long, long time and the hope that it might turn around some day has been a cruel joke on me.

Are you giving yourself the opportunity to be yourself in social situations?

The world revolves around love. It's the only thing that makes our existence meaningful - to have someone to share your experiences with' date=' both to enjoy the positive and to be consoled when things don't go so well. Believe me, NOT having that special person to love is awful. And almost all of my adult life I've been without it.[/quote']

What about loving yourself? It might be a place to start. I do hear you, Eric. I enjoy sharing as well. Do you have friends to share with and people to support you?

The disppointment' date=' shame, disgust, loneliness and dispair I feel on a daily basis is almost unbearable. I've learned the hard way that you can't always have what you want out of life. Doesn't matter how kind you are, how caring you are. I am a fish out of water. I am a square peg in a round hole. Life and love has passed me by.[/quote']

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Kindness and caring traits are very positive. A lot of women would find that attractive, I bet. If you haven't dated in over a year, though, possibly no one has had the chance to see and appreciate your gifts? Are you engaging in social activities and trying to meet people? It's never too late for things to improve if you remain open to the possibilities. What steps can you take to attain what you want in life?

Take gentle care of yourself, Eric.

[EricDavis2]

Thank you, Irma Jean, for responding. You've always tried to help me throughout my posts here.

Believe me, I hear what you're saying about loving yourself. I know I'm hard on myself. I do understand the good qualities I possess - I know that I'm a good person and deserve to be with someone. But that knowledge for some reason does not give me the confidence to go forward.

I don't talk very much to my close friends about my shyness and lack of self-confidence. It's just too embarrassing for me. And I certainly can't talk about how my shame due to my small penis size stops me from making advances to the very few women I HAVE been with or would be interested in.

The last woman that I was with (a year ago) was set up for me by a female friend (the wife of a good guy friend of mine). I was grateful she did that for me. But again it ended badly because my fears and shame I had stopped me from making any sexual advances to her despite going out with her several times.

Thanks again, Irma Jean for your attempts to help me. I'm just so messed up mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It's just too daunting of a task fo me to fix. I just want to cry it hurts so bad. I'm so ashamed of what I've become and I just don't have the inner strength to change it. I'm sorry.

[IrmaJean]

Hi Eric.

Believe me, I hear what you're saying about loving yourself. I know I'm hard on myself. I do understand the good qualities I possess - I know that I'm a good person and deserve to be with someone. But that knowledge for some reason does not give me the confidence to go forward.

Confidence takes time to build. It has for me too. I still have setbacks, but things are much better for me now. You can do it too, Eric. At first, it does require taking some safe risks. I would try letting go of my fears and just having faith in myself to at least try. This also involved giving power and energy to my strengths. I would start up conversations about something I was knowledgeable about. I think, for some of us, it is difficult to embrace our good qualities and feel them from inside. It's okay to do that. It's okay to feel your own light. Maybe you start out in small steps and build up some feelings of self-efficacy. You can make a positive impact by simply embracing the person that you are.

I don't talk very much to my close friends about my shyness and lack of self-confidence. It's just too embarrassing for me. And I certainly can't talk about how my shame due to my small penis size stops me from making advances to the very few women I HAVE been with or would be interested in.

Taking risks can be frightening' date=' I understand. Taking such chances is the only way to have a chance at getting what you want in life, though. There is no way to know the outcome, ahead of time, unless you never try. I hear that it isn't easy for you, Eric.

The last woman that I was with (a year ago) was set up for me by a female friend (the wife of a good guy friend of mine). I was grateful she did that for me. But again it ended badly because my fears and shame I had stopped me from making any sexual advances to her despite going out with her several times.

I'm sorry things didn't work out. If you went out several times, she must have enjoyed the time you spent together. Maybe next time things will be different? You'll only know if you continue to try.

Thanks again' date=' Irma Jean for your attempts to help me. I'm just so messed up mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It's just too daunting of a task fo me to fix. I just want to cry it hurts so bad. I'm so ashamed of what I've become and I just don't have the inner strength to change it. I'm sorry.[/quote']

Have you ever tried counseling? It sounds like a time in your life when you need the extra support. I think that if we are supported during a time of need, that person can potentially hold that space for us until we find the strength to stand alone once again. Change takes time and a lot of hard work. A little bit at a time...Possibly you need to feel everything first before you can move forward.

You're welcome, Eric. I do hope you feel better.

[EricDavis2]

Irma Jean, I did try counseling once. Mainly, the things I discussed with the counselor (a female) was about my general shyness with women. She did give me a few ideas about how I could help myself with that. And during a couple of those visits I felt that, yeah, maybe I can try those things. But no sooner did I leave her office, all the nerve I thought I could muster left me in an instant. And that re-triggered the lack of confidence I had prior to counseling. The enormity of it all hit me again and I felt bad about myself again.

How can counseling help you when you can't help yourself? Another suggestion she had was to read some cognitive therapy books like "Feeling Good". I opened the book and started to read it - tears came to my eyes every time because it just seems so daunting to me. That book sits on a shelf and has been there 10 years without me so much as even trying any of it. One of my issues is I give up very quickly on anything I perceive as being too hard to do.

One more thing. In defense of this counselor, I did not bring up my fears and shame around having a small penis, and it's not fair to expect a counselor to help you if you withhold the most important factor of my shyness with women. So if I try counseling again, maybe I should get a male counselor.

Could you tell me how I go about getting a counselor to help me deal with my feelings due to small penis syndrome? How do I find such a person, or is there even counselors that handle these problems? You can't really look this up in the Yellow Pages, can you?

[IrmaJean]

Hi Eric.

How can counseling help you when you can't help yourself?

It can give you the tools to help yourself. It can help you to discover your own capacity to heal and your potential to grow. It's hard work and you would need to trust in the process, and find a therapist that matches well with you.

One of my issues is I give up very quickly on anything I perceive as being too hard to do.

Awareness is a positive thing. How about challenging this? Maybe it would help to break things up into small steps so as to not feel overwhelmed.

Could you tell me how I go about getting a counselor to help me deal with my feelings due to small penis syndrome? How do I find such a person' date=' or is there even counselors that handle these problems? You can't really look this up in the Yellow Pages' date=' can you?[/quote'']

I think the key is finding a good match with someone who you can connect with and talk openly to. Try calling some and getting a feel for how they work. You may even have to try a few before you find one you can work with. Keep trying. You can do this, Eric. One step at a time.

Take care.

[Damo71]

Hi Eric

I am a man who has unwanted homosexual desire (please people, don't shoot me down - this is not a morality comment, it's just a fact about me and how I feel about what I want for my life).

I also have what, for the longest time, I've considered a small penis. I'm a tall strapping fella, as they say, so even if it's average, it looks small on me. But the size comparison is irrelevant.

I just want to pick up on a point or two that you made Eric. Firstly, you use the word shame and embarrassment interchangeable. But actually they're two entirely different things.

no one will deny that having an aspect of their physical person being not the norm can be embarrassing. Whether you always need to feel that way is something that perhaps a counsellor can hep you with.

But shame is a different beast altogether. Shame is An appropriate response to an act or behaviour that can and should be controlled but that ihasn't been.

For example. If you knocked at my door right now and walked into my bedroom, I would feel ashamed because it is a pit, and nothing has physically prevented me from tidying it up.

My small penis, on the other hand, is outside of my control and therefore shame is not an appropriate emotion for me to be feeling about it. On the other side of the coin, my friend has a very large penis and so shame's counterpart, pride, is also a irrelevant emotion because his penis did not come about as a result of any endeavour or greatness on his part.

Now things are a bit more complicated than that, I know. I have other friends who are exceptionally good looking. They turn heads wherever they go. Both are pretty successful people. But even here, part of their success is, I'm sure, related to the fact that good looking people have the edge in many competitive situations because they tend to look brighter or happier or more confident. In Interviews, for example, the interviewer will (sometimes subconsciously) be more inclined to favour the good looking ones.

The reason I mention this is that even with genuine achievements (or lack of), pride or shame may not be proportionate to the level of achievement or success gained - because that failure or success may still, to some degree, be related to something outside of the control of the person experiencing it.

That said, a small penis or (small boobs) is definitely nothing to be ashamed of. A man with a big or bigger penis than you is not a better man. He simply has a bigger penis.

To women who are size queens, as they say, the bigger man will have the edge over you. But to some who, like IrmaJean, find the (far) more valuable things about humanity stimulating (such as who the person is) then you sound like you have as much chance as anyone else in finding satisfying love.

The last thing I want to say to you is this: very few people alive now are totally undamaged. The vast majority of us have scars. My Penis is, quite frankly (poor thing), a scapegoat for all the other anxieties I feel that I really could start to feel ashamed of. But if you do meet a woman who doen't understand anxiety and it's outcome, then, yes, lack of confidence might be an issue.

But I know (and in an odd sort of way, I hope) that the woman I meet who is happy to accept me for who I am has her own confidence issues. Our love for each other should help alleviate our concerns. In the meantime, as we are developing our love, my baggage struggles should help me to be patient with her, and hopefully vice versa.

[AnonymousinNc]

Listen dude, I have a five and half inch pencil penis and I promise you that life is worth living and that there's sex to be had, but your gonna have to gain some experience--which is'nt going to happen if your laying around wallowing in self-pity and not out there getting laid! Your not alone in this as there are plenty of short guys out there who are living functional lives. Is it better to be bigger? Sure it is. But being small is'nt the end of the world. Life's too short to sweat this stuff. You'll be dead soon and then what will your penis size matter then? your missing out on life. So, how did I deal with it? The key to this thing is to be totally shameless. That's right, do what you do and don't worry (be ashamed) about it man. For me, sure, I try to satisfy the women I'm with, but if that does'ny happen--I simply dont care. Sounds cold but it's the way ya have to be in this situation, know what I mean? After you're with enough chicks--and if your likeable (outgoing,etc.) your gonna click with a girl eventually and everything will be okay.

[Wastedlife]

The key to this thing is to be totally shameless. That's right, do what you do and don't worry (be ashamed) about it man. For me, sure, I try to satisfy the women I'm with, but if that does'ny happen--I simply dont care.

Well that’s all and good when you don’t know the women and she is not connected to you in anyway, but most of us meet people through family, friends, work…And if my family or coworkers ever found out that I have baby penis I would have to drop my life and move to Alaska or kill myself, I could never live with the stigma of this. And Even if they don’t know the women and you get close to her (I don’t see how that would happen with a pathetic penis…but for the sake of the argument lets assume it did) eventually you have to introduce her to your friends and family…and lets assume that you have a nasty brake up some time down the road and she decide to out you to people…Relationship are not safe for guys who have tinny penises.

Its just loss/loss any way you go with this condition. There is no hope for any “normal” relationship until they come up with some sort of penis enlargement.

[tweeny sod]

Hi Eric,

Your story is very similar to mine.I am now 40 and have only ever had one relationship with a woman in all those years.I really was the 40 year old virgin!..Well,near enough.

I'd had opportunities to get intimate prior to that,but because of my lack of experience,and acute embarrassment about my size, I'd squander most of them.On the rare occasion I did take things further than kissing,I'd only perform oral sex,as the shame and humiliation of 'revealing' myself was something I didn't want to experience.

My aforementioned relationship was a farce,a complete disaster.Sex was excruciating - not physically - but emotionally.I couldn't maintain an erection because the anxiety and pressure to 'perform' and please my partner was just too overwhelming.And of course my concern about my lack of size just exacerbated things.I tried to compensate (again)by giving oral,and pleasing her in other ways.But inevitably, a requisite to sex (even if not at first)will be intercourse.

If I was able to muster an erection and actually penetrate her (excuse me for being so graphic),I would instantly lose it because I actually FELT small inside her and so was sure she was feeling nothing from me.

Of course I wanted to energetically make love to her,but when one feels so inadequate in that dept it almost feels like an insult to 'pound away',as it were.

It came to a point where I dreaded climbing those stairs to the bedroom,as I knew the same scenario would carry out every time.I'd put it off for as long as I could by staying up til' 2/3 in the morning in the hope that she'd fallen asleep.

It didn't help that she'd had numerous partners before me,and was always talking about penis size irreverently, whether it be about a purportedly well endowed film star,or how "hooooge" an acquaintance of hers was in the trouser dept.

Needless to say I was unceremoniously dumped some weeks later.

At present I know of 2 women I could potentially have sex with;they are 2 of my closest female friends.We've kissed several times,and I know that if I initiated something more they wouldn't resist.But again,the thought of them actually discovering what little I have to offer down below is enough to send me reeling.I couldn't live with the humiliation of them knowing,and so I make a lame excuse that taking things further with them might be detrimental to our friendship.

I've little doubt that they'd pass on that unfortunate information to other people I'm acquainted with too,not out of spite or malice,but because, whether it be a slip of the tongue brought about by too many white wines, or simply for the fact that it's in a lot of people's nature to divulge such gossip.

So now I'm resigned to never having sex again.The torment of trying to get an erection,maintaining it,displaying my pathetic dick,and demonstrating just how inept I am anyway at all things sexual because of my abject lack of experience, is something I don't want to put myself through again.

It's a horrible place to be.I long for a women's touch again.I crave female attention.I would love to express my passion and love to a woman,and I'm incredibly lonely and often think of suicide,because the prospect of getting old and partnerless is a very demoralizing and depressing one.

I try and occupy myself with other things,keep my mind active,but when one is overwhelmed by sexualized images everywhere,couples cavorting,kids as young as 10 FFS having sex ,and the cruel tantalization of a few of my female friends clearly open to frolics in the sack,it's impossible to not get sucked into the downward spiral of self loathing,frustration,despair,anger and ultimately thoughts about just ending it.

Sometimes I try and think a little more existentially about sex and intimacy,try and convince myself that I'm above such animalistic,primal urges,and that I've transgressed the lower realms of human experience and am seeking something more profound,but this is merely a mechanism to keep me sane and I'm not kidding myself.I need love and affection as much as the next man,and I aint ever gonna be the next Dalai Lama.

God,I'm rambling.I apologize .I just wanted to say that your post resonated with me,and I relate to everything you said,and that if you want to talk then pm me

[Andy99]

Eric,

I felt like I really had to comment on your post as I have a lot of similar experience to you but things have worked out well for me and I know they can for you.

As an enticement for you to read on I just want to say you are actually a very lucky man though you might not realize it right now.

First as background, I came upon your post through searching on "small penis forums" as my 6 year old son has a small penis and I think it is genetic as mine is small too. I don't want him to go through the same feelings I went through growing up so I am doing some advance preparation on how to help him through this.

So, I know what it's like to be small. I have also shared your experience of not being able to "perform". In fact I have had 3 sexual partners and for all 3 I could not "come" the first one or two times we had sex. But all 3 were patient and after that we had no problems. I think it may have something to do with having sensitized myself to porn as a sexual turn on. I also joke to myself that each ex-girlfriend but a curse on me so I couldn't have sex with anyone else!

I have also lived with a problem of chronic shyness. I was in my thirties before I had my first girlfriend. I can't tell you the number of times I failed to make a move on a girl because I was just paralysed by fear. I'll tell you one story. For a while I took to visiting places of historical interest specifically for the chance that I might meet someone there. One time I was in a snack bar at such a place having lunch, by myself of course. Across from me on the next table facing me was this nice looking girl, clearly also alone. She was probably there for the very same purpose I was! The tables were very small and I could almost have reached out and touched her table. The place was virtually empty. The situation was perfect, this was EXACTLY the reason I was there! But we sat there for 15-20 minutes facing each other not making eye contact. The silence was deafening! It would have been less embarrassing to talk than sit there in silence! But even then, even in this one in a million chance, I could not do it. Eventually she left and continued looking around the gardens. I walked in the direction she had taken for a while but knew I had already blown it and gave up and went home.

So, I have new there man, I really have!

But here's the good news my friend and this is why I say you are lucky. We live in the age of online dating! 

For me, I never gave up on myself because I knew I had a lot to give and I think you know that you do too. And through the miracle of fate or God or whatever you believe in we find ourselves in an age where the perfect tool exists for shy people to meet new partners. Imagine if we'd been born 50 years before we were, we'd not have had a chance! We are incredibly lucky.

Now you may have already tried it but don't give up on it. I met my wife through lavalife and I know at least 4 other couples who did the same.

Get a really nice photo of yourself, write an honest profile and then look for women who you find attractive and go for it. It doesn't have to be expensive - oftentimes when I started chatting with someone we switched to msn or skype so it was free. Then you meet in a public place for coffee and take it from there.

I used to find that sometimes it felt weird or fake but eventually you meet some nice people and the relationships take off from there. It doesn't matter to me one bit now that I did not meet my wife by our eyes meeting across a star studded night! Two kids and nine years later my marriage is as real as you can get!

Some other closing thoughts. You seem to be paralysed by inertia and taking the first step is a huge effort for you. I think this is normal for someone in your situation. Maybe your situation means you have a lot of time in your hands and that tends to make us wallow in our own misery. So, take some small steps and congratulate yourself on them. You need to stop beating yourself up and reward yourself for any little steps you take. Research some reputable dating sites. Get a friend or professional photographer to take a good photo. Start to assemble ideas for your profile. One step at a time....

And don't worry so much about the small penis. You'll meet some people get to know them and get them to know you. Take it slow before you get sexual and maybe once you're comfortable with them then joke about it. I used to know a guy who could get us all cracked up laughing with jokes about his peanut sized penis. If the person cares enough about you it won't be an issue.

Anyways, those are my thoughts, hope they help.

Do it man, you're worth it and you deserve happiness!

Andy

[EricDavis2]

Let me respond to a few of the recently posted replies:

Andy99 - I have a similar story to the one you posted. One late afternoon I went into this pub and sat down at the bar. Ususally I don't go to these places because I'm not a big drinker and I always feel inferior to the other guys I would have to compete with. This female comes in, asks "is this seat taken" (meaning the one next to me). Now, she's 1) by herself and 2) sitting next to me - intentionally. So, naturally, what do I do? Sit there for 15 minutes not even saying a WORD to her! Finally I'm so embarrassed by my non-action, I leave. Amazingly similar to your story because the place was nearly empty and the reason I went there was to try and meet someone - just like you did. Well, that encounter sent to into another tailspin of negativity, as you can imagine.

I hear your suggestion of online dating. I have actually drawn up a description of myself - trying to be positive and yet accurately describing myself. I'm a pretty good writer, so that's a help. But I haven't posted a picture of myself yet, and here's yet another little obstacle I have - I'm overweight. Just another reason that drives women away. I haven't subscribed to the dating site yet, but it does post my narrative for free. I guess that's a positive step - albeit a small one. So thanks for the tip there.

Tweeny sod - The difficulty in going out with women that know you and your circle of friends is a real issue for me too because of the small penis thing. Some years ago, this woman I knew used to kid around and flirt with me by doing such things as sitting on my lap. The way she was with me made it obvious that I could have made sexual ar postsdvances to her and she wouldn't have stopped me. But I so afraid of her finding out of what little I had, I just couldn't go further. I just couldn't risk it.

We all crave affection and a woman's touch. That's what makes it so goddamn frustrating when, no matter how much you need to be intimate, the fear of embarrassment is just too strong.

I'm also embarrased because even though my friends include me in many of their get-togethers, it's still a difficult situation for me socially because I can't talk about my kids, my wife, or my girlfriend (or even ex-girlfriends) because I have none. They are good about the fact that they never say anything to make me feel bad about myself - even though they've never actually seen me with a girl. I'm sure they're wondering what the fk is wrong with me, but they keep it to themselves, thank God.

Anyway, I'm think I'm going to try and do the online dating thing, and I'm considering going to counseling again. That's progress for me. I'm trying hard not to give up completely, but it's very hard for me not to.

Thanks for all your posts.

[Wastedlife]

We all crave affection and a woman's touch. That's what makes it so goddamn frustrating when, no matter how much you need to be intimate, the fear of embarrassment is just too strong.

That’s is exactly on the spot right…the repercussions of people finding out is just unbearable.

[Notdoneyet]

What"s worse? Undergoing potential embarrassment, or never taking a chance that a lady

will accept you as you are? People "finding out" should be the least of your worries.

Get out there and GET SOME!!

[jk1972]

What"s worse? Undergoing potential embarrassment, or never taking a chance that a lady

will accept you as you are? People "finding out" should be the least of your worries.

Get out there and GET SOME!!

Unless you have something that really over compensates for having a small penis it is hopeless. Size matters

[Notdoneyet]

Unless you have something that really over compensates for having a small penis it is hopeless. Size matters

Not necessarily true. I manage to address the issue with indifference and lack of concern for the

lady's success in having an orgasm. In most cases they manage to find a way to have one by putting more effort into the act.

Of course if they wish to lay there mimicking a mannequin it's obviously THEIR problem.

[Cece.dedesl]

Not necessarily true. I manage to address the issue with indifference and lack of concern for the

lady's success in having an orgasm. In most cases they manage to find a way to have one by putting more effort into the act.

Of course if they wish to lay there mimicking a mannequin it's obviously THEIR problem.

Men with an indifferent attitude towards a partner's sexual gratification makes it harder for men with SPS. I've found out that one of the biggest fears for men with a small penis is women talking about their penis size. Women who are sexually satisfied don't bash the man they are with or bash them after the relationship ends.

I've been with men who are small and large. At the end of the day it was all about communication and effort. One of my worse sexual partners was well endowed. Selfish lovers, big or small rate equally poor with women.

I'm sure you guys have heard this before but I will say it again. Sexual arousal for a woman is mostly mental whereas guys are mostly physical. Men, in general, need to understand that women are aroused differently. It's not about size, it's the communication, the effort, the love, the trust that makes any sexual relationship successful.

[Notdoneyet]

Since I never expect to have a long term relationship again, I find it unlikely that each of the women I have chosen to date since my marriage imploded are mentally attuned to my "personality" or lack thereof. Each encounter has been relatively friendly when it was over.

If one reads the posts by other men who feel they are suffering from this form of "deformity" what stands out with most is a

total lack of self esteem.

My take is that if you don't value your person as you are, nobody else will.

[lifeless existence]

Men with an indifferent attitude towards a partner's sexual gratification makes it harder for men with SPS. I've found out that one of the biggest fears for men with a small penis is women talking about their penis size. Women who are sexually satisfied don't bash the man they are with or bash them after the relationship ends.

I've been with men who are small and large. At the end of the day it was all about communication and effort. One of my worse sexual partners was well endowed. Selfish lovers, big or small rate equally poor with women.

I'm sure you guys have heard this before but I will say it again. Sexual arousal for a woman is mostly mental whereas guys are mostly physical. Men, in general, need to understand that women are aroused differently. It's not about size, it's the communication, the effort, the love, the trust that makes any sexual relationship successful.

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out a gentler way to say this because it's truly not my intention to offend or insult you or make you leave the forum before you find the help you need for your situation, but I couldn't come up with a kinder alternative so I'm just going to spill it: Everything in that post is cancelled out by the fact that in your introductory post on this forum, you said that your very large boyfriend is the best lover you've ever had. You say you've been with small guys and it's not about the size, but the thing is, you didn't stay with any of the small guys. It's the very large guy that you've chosen to hang on to for the long term and are in the process of moving in with. Those facts make everything else you said meaningless.

[Cece.dedesl]

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out a gentler way to say this because it's truly not my intention to offend or insult you or make you leave the forum before you find the help you need for your situation, but I couldn't come up with a kinder alternative so I'm just going to spill it: Everything in that post is cancelled out by the fact that in your introductory post on this forum, you said that your very large boyfriend is the best lover you've ever had. You say you've been with small guys and it's not about the size, but the thing is, you didn't stay with any of the small guys. It's the very large guy that you've chosen to hang on to for the long term and are in the process of moving in with. Those facts make everything else you said meaningless.

I was married to a man with a small penis for 14 years. (4.5 inches, maybe 2 inches in girth) He cheated and left me. Our sex life was great until he started watching porn. He started to feel he was so inadequately endowed that he no longer had to put forth effort to satisfy me because in his mind he couldn't satisfy me anyways. I supported him 110% and ended up betrayed and devastated. I also was in a very satisfying relationship with a man who had no use of his penis because he had broken his back as a teenager. I did end that relationship but I ended it because he was doing drugs not because of our sex life.

So, please don't make assumptions as to my character or imply that the only reason my current sexual relationship is successful is based on the size of boyfriend's penis. More importantly, do not dismiss my input to other members based on your misconceptions. I just joined this forum, you read one post and made a quick and quite frankly, a wrong assumption.

The reason my current boyfriend is the best has nothing to do with his size. As a matter of fact he has difficulty maintaining his erection because of he feels stress when we have sex. The only reason I mentioned it was because he was diagnosed with small penis syndrome and penile dysmorphic disorder. I felt it was relevant to my personal situation. if you had paid attention to my full post you would have also saw that my worse lover was well endowed.

What makes him the best is he is a considerate and selfless man which was the point I was trying to make in this post. A woman's sexual response is different. If you treat a women well and tend to her emotional needs and put forth effort to make sure she's reaching an orgasm then any size issues become obsolete.

I am truly sorry if I offended you. I had hoped to speak with you more to get a better understanding of how men really feel. Regardless of my boyfriend's size he views himself as you do. He sees what his mind tells him to see. Imagine going thru life with everyone telling you one thing but when you look in the mirror you see the opposite. At least in your situation, according to you, your situation is based in reality. At least you don't feel crazy on top of it or worse yet feel those closest to you are lying all the time.

Now, I find myself in a situation. I'm trying to find a kinder, gentle way of saying something. For someone who is struggling to deal with his own personal issues, your lack of compassion and empathy for others and your obvious need to judge others is much bigger problem than the size of your penis. Telling me in my post that my boyfriend should "STFU" was insensitive and rude. As was your reply to me in this post. The size of your penis would never be an issue for me but your attitude would be a deal breaker.

To be honest, your last reply to my original post made me want to leave this forum. This reply made me feel worse. Whether I find help here or elsewhere, I will find it. I fight for what I feel is worthwhile in my life.

[lifeless existence]

So, please don't make assumptions as to my character or imply that the only reason my current sexual relationship is successful is based on the size of boyfriend's penis.

This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I think you're a good person for reaching out here and trying to figure out how you can best support him. That's the only assumption about your character that I've made. I didn't mean to imply that your boyfriend's size is the only reason that your relationship is successful. But I've heard and read too much from too many women to believe that size is a total non-factor. Size preference may only manifest at the subconscious level for some of them, but it's there. There have been studies that prove it. They gave women erotic stories to read and rated their level of arousal using genital probes.They found that women were more aroused when the men in the stories had large penises.

if you had paid attention to my full post you would have also saw that my worse lover was well endowed.

I saw it. I've read it many times from women on various forums. A common complaint is that the larger guys think that a big penis is all it takes and they don't put forth any effort. A much more common complaint I see is that the guy was too small and unfortunately, that's the category I fall into.

If you treat a women well and tend to her emotional needs and put forth effort to make sure she's reaching an orgasm then any size issues become obsolete.

That's not been my experience and it's not been the experience of many of the other guys who have posted here. I've always tried to be emotionally supportive as I knew how. I wasn't very good at it when I was younger. I had to grow and learn and gain experience like everyone else. From the very first time I had sex, my partner's satisfaction has always been my #1 priority. I even bought a couple of the bestselling books on the subject because I wanted to gain as much knowledge as I could into what makes sex great for women. When I had sex with a girlfriend, I would try different things and watch their reactions so I could learn what they liked best.. It didn't matter. They all dumped me anyway. But I understand. Penetration just isn't very pleasurable with a small guy. We can't reach the deep spots, we can't provide enough friction, and we can't give them that "full" feeling that I've seen mentioned more times than I can count. It's not their fault. It's an anatomical thing. I don't hold it against them.

I am truly sorry if I offended you. I had hoped to speak with you more to get a better understanding of how men really feel. Regardless of my boyfriend's size he views himself as you do. He sees what his mind tells him to see. Imagine going thru life with everyone telling you one thing but when you look in the mirror you see the opposite. At least in your situation, according to you, your situation is based in reality. At least you don't feel crazy on top of it or worse yet feel those closest to you are lying all the time.

I'm not offended. Like I said in the other section of the forum, I will try to help you with whatever I can. Most people take the easy way out these days. When they find out that a significant other has some difficult issues, they just leave them rather than stay and try to help. You're here because you want to know how to help him and support him and I really respect that. You're correct- this is based in reality in my case, but the feelings are the same. And to tell you the truth, I do feel crazy on top of it.

Now, I find myself in a situation. I'm trying to find a kinder, gentle way of saying something. For someone who is struggling to deal with his own personal issues, your lack of compassion and empathy for others and your obvious need to judge others is much bigger problem than the size of your penis. Telling me in my post that my boyfriend should "STFU" was insensitive and rude. As was your reply to me in this post. The size of your penis would never be an issue for me but your attitude would be a deal breaker.

If I lacked compassion and empathy, I never would have responded to any of your posts. Why should I help you? There's nothing in it for me. But I've tried to help you anyway. Know why? Because I have compassion and empathy.

The only judgement that I've made about you is that you're a good person for wanting to help him. Now I will ask that you stop judging me, because you don't know me or what I go through. Please try to look at this from my perspective for a moment. Take a short walk in my shoes. Imagine that you are a man who actually has a small penis and has been dumped by every woman he ever dated. Imagine you haven't had so much as a hug from a woman other than your mother in over 8 1/2 years. Now imagine that you just read about a man who has a very large penis and a loving, supportive girlfriend who's moving in with him. And yet he thinks he's the one who has a problem. Don't you think it might be really upsetting for me to read that? That's what it's like to be in my shoes. I sure wish I could be in his.

[IrmaJean]

Cece, I hope you will continue to post and get support here in the community.

But I've heard and read too much from too many women to believe that size is a total non-factor. Size preference may only manifest at the subconscious level for some of them' date=' but it's there. There have been studies that prove it. They gave women erotic stories to read and rated their level of arousal using genital probes.They found that women were more aroused when the men in the stories had large penises. [/quote']

But can you see how you took this information and inaccurately generalized it? Each person is an individual. Each person has their own needs and feelings about things. If you use the above information and draw a conclusion from it for every individual, you’re dooming yourself without even giving yourself a chance.