Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[Cece.dedesl]

the thing is we are forced toys to pleasure her and once that happens she might as well cut us out of the picture and masturbate. Almost any male can do a better job then me of pleasing a female and they are not forced to use toys like I would.

No one is forcing you to use toys. Toys can't kiss us, touch us, hold us, talk to us, ect... Toys are simply an extension of you. Your partner may not even enjoy toys. It was simply a suggestion to increase pleasure for those of you who felt they were having difficulties in the area. It's just another option for those who want to try it.

Jesse, I'll reply to you in a bit.

[Cece.dedesl]

Toys---

There was a comedienne who did a skit on this- she said she understood why guys hate this:

Imagine if a guy said to a woman - look - I love you but your body puts me off- your bum is too big and you have a loose xxxxxx.

So would you mind if I make love to this plastic doll with a tight behind and tight xxxxxx whilsl you kiss and stroke me- thanks

Well that exactly how a guy feels when he picks up the dildo....

Average guys and big guys dont need to use dildos.... but if they do its for 'spice' not ' inadequacy'.

As I said to LE, dildos don't have to be used. There are a lot of other toys and sexual stimulants for men and women.

I can certainly understand why dildos would cause discomfort and no, I wouldn't want my partner using a doll in bed with me under circumstances above. In fact, i'ld kick him to the curb as anyone should regardless of gender. However, if he brought a toy to my attention to "spice things up" I wouldn't turn him down.

[Cece.dedesl]

Dear Cece

I for one appreciate your comments- the fact that women come here is one reason why I decided to post.

You make some good points- I guess its true that sex neednt be all that important- I was kinda hoping that as I got older I wouldn't mind not having it as much- but its just as painful as when I was younger.

I guess there must be some women that dont care about size somewhere- the trouble is I was very careful to try and pick partners that wouldn't be into size. I always stayed very clear of women that talked about sex a lot, wore short skirts, had a lot of boyfriends, had lots of confidence etc. And if a women praised big guys or made a small dick joke (happens quite a lot Im afraid) I tried never to even to speak to them, let alone date them.

But the 4 girls I managed to snare clearly couldn't compromise- and its not like Im a micropenis- I'm 4.0 and 4.25 girth- and rock hard- and over the years I have learnt to overcome premature issues.

They were really nice girls and decent people- I wouldn't have dated them otherwise- so how do i continue from here? And since the 4th one i have spent nearly every day researching this- studies, womens blogs, the science of vestibular bulbs and sexual containment- 'being filled' etc.

And then I read how statistically relationships are only long lasting if the sex is good.

Then I hear sexologists like Berman, Fisher, David et al (yeah I done my research) that admit most married women report good sex when their penis is bigger.

So I'm thinking- ok, what do I do- thats one thing I CANNOT alter..

I dont want a sexless marriage, I don't want to be cheated on, I don't think I can bear being dumped for this a 5th time.

I know communication and fingers and intimacy are important etc but cant average guys offer that too dont they?- why would a girl sacrifice satisfying intercourse by staying with me?- I really cannot blame my past girlfriends- in their shoes I rather think I would have done the same.

First off, it's nice to be appreciate and I'm glad you find my input helpful.

I think you are narrowing your criteria a bit. Women who talk about sex are usually quite open on the subject. Small penis jokes are as rampant as disrespectful jokes towards women. If i marked a guy off for telling bas jokes, as a woman i would have no one left to date! Jokes are meant to be funny but unfortunately when you can relate to one they become hurtful. Jokes usually do not reflect a person's views, they are just meant to entertain others.

As far as your last experiences go, there are so many components to a relationship. I have no idea how old you and your partners were. Whether you communicated openly about your issues. Or whether the sex was the primary problem that ended the relationship. I do know I have had far more than 4 failed relationships in my 40+ years and I just keep trying.

Statistically, marriages do last longer when the sex is satisfying. It's doesn't say they last longer when I guy has a big penis. That's one of the points I've being trying get across. I don't care how I orgasm as long as I can share it with my partner.

You can't alter what you have but you do have control over how sexually satisfying your relationship will be. There's no need for a sexless marriage and as far as cheating goes, woman cheat more for emotional fulfillment than the actual sex. Look up those statistics. Which brings me to emotional side of sex which I mentioned above.

To be honest, my female friends complain so much about the lack of foreplay and oral/manual stimulation as have I. I think you have the advantage over the average/large guys because you're willing to do the things you do. Keep trying. That girl is out there.

[lifeless existence]

Nevermind.

[Notdoneyet]

LE, those of us who have been around the block a time or two and are below average in size have heard most of the comments you

read about. It isn't very pleasing to hear them and even if it isn't verbal, the looks are easy enough to read.

What is important is how a guy with this problem lets it affect his life. Most of my married life that I spent with a woman that implied that she just had a "low libido" I assumed that I was actually doing a pretty good job pleasing her. When we split she leveled with me and was really just staying for what I could provide for her financially. She left and the guy she chose over me dumped her and wasn't really capable of providing that which she had grown accustom to having.

She even tried to get me to take her back, but I wasn't interested in another go around.

Now that I am single again, I harbor no plans for any long term commitments and let the ladies I date know this in advance. I have year to be turned down for a date and with very few exceptions have had no problem in enjoying a sex life.

[Cece.dedesl]

Reading crap like that won't help anyone. No one who is satisfied in their sex life is going on those sites so of course you guys are going to think no one out there is accepting of you or that you can satisfy a partner.

Geez, LE I think you enjoy punishing yourself. Unfortunately, you punished a lot of other guys tonight with that post too.

[lifeless existence]

"Those sites"? That's from the women's section of the Huffington Post. I wasn't aware that only people who aren't satisfied with their sex lives read the Huffington Post. The site gets 112,000,000 visits per month. Are you sure that all of them are unsatisfied with their sex lives?

I didn't write the comments. Women did. It's your peers who dish out the punishment, not me.

[Cece.dedesl]

"Those sites"? That's from the women's section of the Huffington Post. I wasn't aware that only people who aren't satisfied with their sex lives read the Huffington Post. The site gets 112,000,000 visits per month. Are you sure that all of them are unsatisfied with their sex lives?

I didn't write the comments. Women did. It's your peers who dish out the punishment, not me.

Regardless of where it's posted, it's an open forum. I didn't say unsatisfied women only read the Huffington. I said only unsatisfied women post on those sites. Satisfied women have no reason to be in a forum discussing sexual problems. Therefore, figure out a way to satisfy your woman.

Reading stuff like that is one sided and is not what every woman thinks and feels. It certainly has no place in THIS forum where people come for help.

Random women on the Internet aren't punishing you. You are punishing yourself by reading that negativity and you punished every other man in the post by posting it.

[lifeless existence]

It wasn't a discussion on a forum. It was an article. Those were comments posted in response to an article. If all of that was posted in a forum discussing sexual problems, I would agree with you completely, but it wasn't.....it was an article, an article on a very popular website, where women could easily run across it without looking for something related to sex at all.

After thinking about it for a bit, I agree that it doesn't need to be here. I edited the post and it's gone.

And by the way, I always look at the counter at the bottom of the screen. About half a dozen people saw the comments in that post. Three of them (myself included) are regulars down here who have heard it all before. You were another and there were a couple of guests. So how about cutting me a little slack please.

[Cece.dedesl]

Regardless, the article comments, which are just like a forum, were one sided if it only showed negatives things. Reading stuff like will only make you feel worse about yourself. It is a form of punishment or perhaps a way for you to justify your feelings. Just be careful, if you push away positive responses to your issues and only focus on the negative you'll always be miserable. Even if you can't handle some positive feedback, at least allow others to take it in.

I'm glad you edited the post. I wouldn't want someone to hurt themselves after reading that crap.

[lifeless existence]

Even if you can't handle some positive feedback, at least allow others to take it in.

What is this shit all about? You've got this sick idea in your head that I enjoy being in pain all the time and don't want my life to be better and want everyone else to feel like shit too. That's sick. I'd give anything to have a better life and I'd give anything for the other guys who post here to have better lives. I wish we all could be accepted and be happy.

[Cece.dedesl]

What is this shit all about? You've got this sick idea in your head that I enjoy being in pain all the time and don't want my life to be better and want everyone else to feel like shit too. That's sick. I'd give anything to have a better life and I'd give anything for the other guys who post here to have better lives. I wish we all could be accepted and be happy.

Calm down LE. My point was, Every time someone says something positive, you come back with a negative. I don't think for one minute you enjoy the pain you're going thru. I do think you've beaten yourself down to a point that you can't absorb anything positive. When you read that poison you posted, you're just causing yourself more pain. It becomes and endless cycle of hate, bitterness, and more importantly sadness.

[lifeless existence]

For years, I've searched and searched for positive remarks, remarks from women who say that it doesn't bother them if a guy is small and they won't reject a guy for that. Remarks that will make me feel better. And I've found them. And I believe them. You've said it and other women have said it here and I believe all of you too. But the thing is, for each one of the positive remarks, I've run across about a hundred remarks from women who make it out to be the worst thing to ever happen to them and say that they would never be in a relationship with a small guy. So you see, it's not that I don't accept the positive comments, it's just that between my own personal life experience and all of this searching for positives and finding almost nothing but negatives, I've come to realize just how few women there are who will accept us and how impossible it is to find one of them. Plus there's a whole bunch of other unacceptable stuff wrong with me. It just isn't realistic of me to think that I can find a woman who will accept my small penis and all of the other stuff too. It's just too much to overcome. So I'm super negative all the time on this forum (and in "real life" too). How can I be positive when this is all my life is going to be. It's not really even life. I don't "live", I just exist, hence my screen name.

[Cece.dedesl]

For years, I've searched and searched for positive remarks, remarks from women who say that it doesn't bother them if a guy is small and they won't reject a guy for that. Remarks that will make me feel better. And I've found them. And I believe them. You've said it and other women have said it here and I believe all of you too. But the thing is, for each one of the positive remarks, I've run across about a hundred remarks from women who make it out to be the worst thing to ever happen to them and say that they would never be in a relationship with a small guy. So you see, it's not that I don't accept the positive comments, it's just that between my own personal life experience and all of this searching for positives and finding almost nothing but negatives, I've come to realize just how few women there are who will accept us and how impossible it is to find one of them. Plus there's a whole bunch of other unacceptable stuff wrong with me. It just isn't realistic of me to think that I can find a woman who will accept my small penis and all of the other stuff too. It's just too much to overcome. So I'm super negative all the time on this forum (and in "real life" too). How can I be positive when this is all my life is going to be. It's not really even life. I don't "live", I just exist, hence my screen name.

Okay LE, we can't change your penis size so let's discuss and hopefully work on the things you can change. I'm truly here to try and help others and get some help as well. Believe it not seeing the pain you and the others go thru is helping me tremendously, i'ld like to return the favor if I can.

[lifeless existence]

Okay LE, we can't change your penis size so let's discuss and hopefully work on the things you can change.

That's just it.......the other unacceptable stuff can't be changed either. The only way those things could be changed is if time travel were possible and I could go back and make different decisions than the ones I made. It's unbelievably maddening knowing exactly what's keeping you from having a good life but you can't fix any of it.

[Jessie]

Dear Ceci,

The thing is... is it crap?

I read the quotes before he deleted them- they didnt hurt me cos Ive heard them so many times before.

There was a time they would have devastated me- well ok there were a few pangs maybe when I read them but not like the old hurt.

What did Pam Anderson say?... "anyone who says size doesn't matter is a liar with a small penis"

I know shes only one person but I have known sexologists say similar stuff in a more serious manner.

I have known real women say worse stuff than that quote and the deleted quotes.

Jeez, in the uk we have netmums and mumsnet - you wouldnt believe some of the stuff they have about us- these are generic female sites.

All the guys on here know all this.

Guys through the same process:

1. you realise you are not as big as your friends

2. you measure and realise you are too short/thin

3. guys make jokes in locker room

4. girls make comments and/or reject you

5. you find out their is NO medical cure or solution (one of worst days of my life)

6. you realise bit by bit as you get older how crucial it is women's perception and assessment of you.

Its not that all women 'need' a big one. Its just most 'prefer' a big one.

But the majority will settle for a medium one if other issues are ok.

But its settling for that 16% of guys that have a less than medium one that is so difficult for them I think.

And if, like me you are in the bottom 5% - its tough.

I believe you theoretically Ceci, when you say that some women dont mind- but until I hear a girl in real life say so (genuinely) or meet a girl who can overlook the issue in me its kind of hard to 'emotionally' believe you? Does that make sense?

ps If I pick up a random erotic book written by women for women there are no surprises as to what the lead character will have in his trousers.

50 shades of grey isnt a 'new' type of novel- its actually very formulaic. If he had been small, there is no way that novel would have been a best seller.

[Cece.dedesl]

Dear Ceci,

The thing is... is it crap?

I read the quotes before he deleted them- they didnt hurt me cos Ive heard them so many times before.

There was a time they would have devastated me- well ok there were a few pangs maybe when I read them but not like the old hurt.

What did Pam Anderson say?... "anyone who says size doesn't matter is a liar with a small penis"

I know shes only one person but I have known sexologists say similar stuff in a more serious manner.

I have known real women say worse stuff than that quote and the deleted quotes.

Jeez, in the uk we have netmums and mumsnet - you wouldnt believe some of the stuff they have about us- these are generic female sites.

All the guys on here know all this.

Guys through the same process:

1. you realise you are not as big as your friends

2. you measure and realise you are too short/thin

3. guys make jokes in locker room

4. girls make comments and/or reject you

5. you find out their is NO medical cure or solution (one of worst days of my life)

6. you realise bit by bit as you get older how crucial it is women's perception and assessment of you.

Its not that all women 'need' a big one. Its just most 'prefer' a big one.

But the majority will settle for a medium one if other issues are ok.

But its settling for that 16% of guys that have a less than medium one that is so difficult for them I think.

And if, like me you are in the bottom 5% - its tough.

I believe you theoretically Ceci, when you say that some women dont mind- but until I hear a girl in real life say so (genuinely) or meet a girl who can overlook the issue in me its kind of hard to 'emotionally' believe you? Does that make sense?

ps If I pick up a random erotic book written by women for women there are no surprises as to what the lead character will have in his trousers.

50 shades of grey isnt a 'new' type of novel- its actually very formulaic. If he had been small, there is no way that novel would have been a best seller.

c

It's crap in the fact that it's negative, insensitive, and one sided. It didn't belong here. I don't understand the need for people to search out things that would make themselves feel bad. Would anyone here eat raw chicken knowing it would make you sick? Hell no! So why torture yourselves with negative comments?

Everybody has their own personal preferences. Some women do prefer larger men, just like some men prefer large breasts. Preferences aren't set in stone. I've got the smallest flattest ass in history and have dated men who prefer girls with nice curvy asses.

It's hard to have blind faith so I do understand how hard it is for men who haven't found a woman who truly cares less about their size. What I find bothersome is how many men here stopped trying.

It seems many of you are dying to have a relationship but no longer try to find one. If a woman won't accept you, it's her loss not yours. If she talks about you, it just makes her look like an insensitive bitch.

As I've said before, women and men say bad things about exes. Even false statements, so they feel better about themselves and don't have to accept responsibility for their part in the relationship ending.

[lifeless existence]

I don't understand the need for people to search out things that would make themselves feel bad.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but as I said a few posts up the page, I searched for things that would make me feel better. Those searches just always yielded many, many more negatives than positives. I don't search much at all anymore. I've just about run out of places to look.

If she talks about you, it just makes her look like an insensitive bitch.

When she talks, there are a lot more people who will look down at you for having a small penis than people who think she's an insensitive bitch for telling everyone. It's sad and it's wrong, but it's the truth. Believe me. She'll just go on normally with her life. His will never ever be the same, unless he moves far away where nobody knows. And there's always a chance the same thing will happen in the new location.

[IrmaJean]

His will never ever be the same, unless he moves far away where nobody knows.

You are giving this so much power and control over your life. How can you empower yourself and be proactive in creating a positive change?

[Jessie]

Irma,

I simply have no idea.

I'm not a sociopath so my own esteem is at last partially reliant on others opinions of me or of people like me ('pencil dicks' or 'baby dicks' I think we are called).

I know I shouldnt let it control me- but the topic is so pervasive in the media etc I cannot escape it- and I cant control my depression over it.

[jk1972]

c

It's crap in the fact that it's negative, insensitive, and one sided. It didn't belong here. I don't understand the need for people to search out things that would make themselves feel bad. Would anyone here eat raw chicken knowing it would make you sick? Hell no! So why torture yourselves with negative comments?

Those negative comments are the truth. For most if not all of us it is hopeless

It's hard to have blind faith so I do understand how hard it is for men who haven't found a woman who truly cares less about their size. What I find bothersome is how many men here stopped trying.

It seems many of you are dying to have a relationship but no longer try to find one. If a woman won't accept you, it's her loss not yours. If she talks about you, it just makes her look like an insensitive bitch.

I am 48 and never been in a relationship, all I know is failure and rejection.At some point I got tired of being rejected and seeing her with some other male hearing how great he is seeing how happy he can make and knowing I never can make her as happy.

Every female deserves better then me

[lifeless existence]

You are giving this so much power and control over your life. How can you empower yourself and be proactive in creating a positive change?

It's not like what I'm saying isn't true and it's just some distorted way of thinking. It happened to nearlydead. He posted about it here. The woman blabbed it to everyone. People didn't chastise her, call her an insensitive bitch, or turn their backs on her..........they made fun of him instead. And it's not an uncommon scenario.

We're not letting it control us. We haven't asked anyone to reject us for it. We haven't asked society to label us as "less than", make fun of us, and treat us like third-rate human beings. We're not in control of this. We can't make anyone decide not to reject us and we can't change the way society treats us. It's out of our hands.

Look, as big a deal-breaker as having a small penis is, if I could fix my other problems, I would not let my small penis stop me from trying. I swear I wouldn't.

[Jessie]

Ceci,

I, like LE, actually searched for something to put my mind at rest, and got increasingly alarmed and despondent when I read the stats and interviews and you tube clips etc.

After about a year I should have stopped- I already knew I wasnt going to find what I wanted but by then I had seen links to links and other peoples referring to what others had said like celebrities. So you click the link and there you are.

I read about one guy who went to a Lilly Allen concert and she got 10,000 people chanting abuse about little dicks- he said it felt like they were all chanting at him. And dont get me started on Rhianna, Janet Jackson, the Minogues, and about 100 others.

And most of the stuff rattling around my head isnt from the net- its phrases from girls I've known, jokes in 'Friends', adverts on TV, scandals in the USA press, my work colleagues reading out stuff from mags at work etc. Its kinda hard to escape. As a women you probably notice all the 'fat' jokes or 'ugly' jokes, but dont notice the 'size' jokes. Well small guys do- trust me.

I can also assure you its impossible to watch UK tv on an evening without a size reference- beyond 10pm they are multiple.

As for my 4 exes, they were not insensitive bitches- far from it- and the 4th one went to extremes to try and deny her true feelings on the issue. If I hadnt been a nutcase snoop and violated her privacy (so I got what I deserved i suppose) I would never have discovered that my size had caused her a terrible conundrum and was actually distraught with her dilemma. I least I discovered that she really loved me so I know I must have some redeeming features.

I havent completely stopped looking- its just I face I dilemma. I cant go out with work colleagues or social friends as if it breaks up then the circles will know of my shame.

But most people meet via that dynamic- so I have to try 'on the hoof' dating- perhaps with girls that are a bit easier, and I'm assuming perhaps a bit more focussed on size.

Ive not completely given up trying dating- as at least its relationship orientated and they are strangers, but if this happens a 5th time, (being dumped after they have seen it) then I dont know if I can handle that- really I dont know if i can deal with those emotions all over again- the agony of rejection for THAT reason is just too much for me- and I feel like Ive been battling these emotions for an eternity- but Im not even 30!

The one thing I keep in mind is that Im quite healthy, slim, have hair and GSOH. I have an ok ish job and I truly believe my 1st and 4th partners loved me. And I have never had anybody actually 'laugh' at it, or suddenly refuse to have sex, which is something that has happened to lots of small guys and must have been utterly devastating.

So I'm holding onto the possibility of success somewhere down the line- and just hope I dot get too lonely or depressed in the meantime.

[lifeless existence]

Those negative comments are the truth.

That's right, they are. But Cece isn't like those women and therefore doesn't believe that most women are the exact opposite of her when it comes to penis size. There's a reason that out of 203 comments spread out over 11 pages, almost all of them were extremely negative towards men with small penises. To be fair, there were some positive comments too. I can count them on one hand, but they were there. So there are women who aren't like that, just not that many of them. I wish the women who post here would appreciate just how rare and special they are.

Every female deserves better then me

That's just not true, jk. I wouldn't bullshit you. There are a hell of a of women who aren't deserving of you.

[Cece.dedesl]

Jessie,

Media has been a major issue for both genders. It has destroyed the self image of men and women everywhere. I've never been happy with my body, as a matter of fact, I do not know anybody who is. It was especially difficult for me to grow up in an age of The Brady Bunch, The Waldons, Leave it to Beaver where everyone was happy and accepting of everyone to going into young adulthood with everything changing to our now sex and appearance driven media.

Now that I'm older, I've become much more accepting of myself and others. There is a certain peace that has come with age.

I think it's wonderful that you know you can be loved. I think you'll find as you get older and the women you date get older, overcoming any sexual issues will be easier. Communication gets more open and honest. Women know their bodies better and can better explain how to satisfy them.

We all go through rejection. It's painful. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid it. You just have to keep trying. Relationships are a number game. The more you put yourself out there, the sooner you find the right person.