Cece.dedesl Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 I can see how you would have a knee jerk reaction to what she said. I'm sorry you let it affect your date. I think you covered it well by saying you weren't feeling well. She's probably just as distraught as you tonight trying to figure out what she did to turn you off. Call her tomorrow and tell her you must have ate something bad, that you are sorry you had to cut the evening short and reassure her you want to see her on Sunday. I will bet you 100 bucks she's sitting at home feeling like shit about herself and feels rejected. May not be the same thing you're going thru but just as painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 So you think it wasnt a size reference? I know Im not level headed about this- jeez, i wish I knew what she meant by it.It may have just been a harmless turn of phrase...I was 70% sure I was gonna text her tomorrow to call it off. If she does feel that way about small men then what if she discovers my secret and then tells people at the speed dating place. If it doesnt work out with her then we would both wanna go back there wouldnt we?Plus she may be too good looking for me. I read just now about research saying that prettier girls rate size much more importantly than average girls. She did look pretty glamorous tonight- so maybe I should play it safe and try again with my mate next month/fortnight?I did really like her though.. (listen to me!- its only my 1st date and Ive gone loony tunes...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Oh boy. It was a size reference and I can understand why it upset you so much. But I wouldn't give up on her just yet, Jessie. What she said is a popular response in that type of situation and in other situations too (like when a guy drives a massive truck). You can't really use that comment as a guarantee that she'll reject your because of your size. And that's coming from someone who is as worried about his size as you are about yours. You don't know her well enough yet. Go to lunch with her on Sunday. Use that time to feel her out some more. You're not to the sex stage yet. You still have time to look out for yourself. Do try to stop repeating what she said over and over in your head. I obsess over size comments from women too, so I know how hard it is to make yourself stop. And I wouldn't take that bet that Cece offered unless you want to lose $100 bucks. That girl is reliving the date right now too, wondering what she did wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 "He's over compensating." is a text book response women use to explain aggressive behavior and/or flashy/conceded behavior in men. It's kinda like men saying "she must be pms'ing." whenever women get emotional. Shrug it off. It's nothing more than a saying. Go out on Sunday. See how it goes. Make sure you call her tomorrow and confirm, apologize for cutting the date off. She'll swoon over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Dear LEWell I did consider the possibility that it was an 'auto response' from her- the guy in the pizza place was was a total jerk.Sigh- If I dont cancel Im not gonna get any sleep on Saturday night!ok- im 55/45 gonna go on Sunday.I take it you both dont think i should discuss her comment with her prior to Sunday? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 No, don't discuss it. Way too soon for a discussion like that. Go out on Sunday, if all goes well schedule another date. Take time to get to know each other. Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Don't bring it up at all. It's normal to be so nervous about a date with someone new that you can't sleep. Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Ps... A hot bath and chamomile tea seems to take the edge off so I can sleep before a 1st date. If that fails, a couple glasses of wine does the trick! Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gone Posted August 25, 2012 Report Share Posted August 25, 2012 Plus she may be too good looking for me. I read just now about research saying that prettier girls rate size much more importantly than average girls.Jessie, you have to decide whether you pursue this or not, but please don't let this pretty girl thing be the deciding factor. Many exceptionally good looking ladies grow weary of the 'upper crust' men and their egos. They're looking for something real, not a guy who wants to date a woman as good looking as he thinks he is.JohnEDIT: Gawd, now Carly Simons song You're so Vain is running through my head.........make it stop............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 I feel my boyfriend is way out of my league, he feels I'm way out of his league. Just be grateful a woman you find attractive wants to spend time with you. You obviously were attractive to her or else she wouldn't have gone out with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gone Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 I feel my boyfriend is way out of my league, he feels he's way out of my league. Just be grateful a woman you find attractive wants to spend time with you. You obviously were attractive to her or else she wouldn't have gone out with you!You're both agreed he's way out of your league? Perhaps you ment you both feel the other is out of your respective leagues?John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Haha! That's what I meant to say. Long night last night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Right, I got there at midday- didnt come back till a couple of hours ago. I spent 8 hours over there.It was awesome... Within an hour I had my fist kiss in 3 or so years? Felt amazing- I had totally forgotten what that was like. I was literally shaking.She made me an amazing meal- (which I could barely eat I was so uptight).Then we went for a walk in the park and we kissed for the 1st time. Quite a bit. I was walking on cloud 9- and I was SO close to cancelling. thank heaven for this site- I have no one else to confer with - for obvious reasonsThe issue of her comment came up- after a lot of kissing she eventually said she had expected me to cancel as she thought she had offended me on our 1st date as I had turned a bit cold and that she had ruined it.She said she didnt mean to come over as a super feminist or man hater with her comment about losers- but I reassured I didnt think that.You wil probably think Im crazy but despite myself I did admit the source of my 'offence' (I know, I know- stupid) but I think I did it in a way that didnt make me look too insecure. She was, on the whole- fantastic about it. She was so warm and open I just felt i could trust her. I left at about 8pm as she has 5am start on Mon. Had one last snog and she's coming to me for dinner on Wed night... will see what happens ...So - thats it so far- Now of course I'm to go online now and undo any confidence shes managed to instil in me... (old habits eh?)ps thanks again for advising me to go- anything that happens now is a bonus as far as Im concerned... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Thumbs up, Jessie. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself and that the two of you are getting along so well. That is wonderful.Take care. Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gone Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 That's how it starts......congrats bro.John Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Mmmm... texted her my address at lunch today and she hasn't replied..... its now gone 10pm here .... anxiety creeping up a bit.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Text her back Jessie. Just say something like "Hey, just wanted to make sure you got the address, looking forward to seeing ya!". Text messages get dropped sometimes. She may have gotten busy and forgot about it. No reason to worry. Sounds like your date went great. Kudos! Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 you sure it wont sound too pushy or desperate?Anyhow, I just saw your message and its 11.30pm over here- thats too late isnt it?Also she was apparently going to have had a very busy day today at work (whilst the rest of the country enjoyed a bank holiday) so she may have just missed it.I was thinking of calling tues morning on the pretext that my phone was playing up so wanted to ensure she got my address.Of course in my mind she has simply recalled out indepth conversation and decided to kick me to the curb... as well as taking out a newspaper advert about my 'issue'.ps the the date went ok thanks- she was a little taken aback by my confession but she was very gracious. I didnt think it had killed it although I may have been counting my chickens etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 I phoned this morning- no answer on her mobile. Tried again 10 mins later and left a message. Thats 6 hours ago and still no response.So thats no contact at all yesterday and looks like sod all today.Im not being over sensitive am I? This has got to be a brush off.... shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Jessie, it's better not to panic, no matter what happens. I can think of half a dozen reasons right off, including a phone that's (1) lost, (2) stolen, or (3) dropped in the loo. Others might be family emergency, a traffic accident, her husband checking up on her ... Two dates, one of them a speed date, doesn't give you much insight into this woman or what her life is like.Sure, some of the possibilities include her avoiding your calls. Even then, it's at least as likely to be because of some problem of hers, rather than anything about you. For instance, I could easily imagine a woman who had been abused in the past getting cold feet at some point as she got closer to someone new, and not being able to tell him about it.The point is, despite your anxiety, the only way you'll ever know is to stick it out until she tells you, good, bad, or indifferent.Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Thanks Malign,Im afraid my past experiences have made me uber pessimistic- I gotta break that habit I know..As to hanging in there- I kinda have no choice but to do just that- other than jump in the car and go over there....(dont worry Im not quite that mental) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 One thought might be to take the success you've already had, and use it to start putting eggs in more than one basket, in a sense.There are lots of women out there, and lots of ways to relate to them other than as girlfriend/boyfriend.Some of them are even worth talking to, for their own sakes; in my experience, moreso than men. But then, I'm not into sports. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 Yeah, I know and I did get a 2nd cross match from last week- I could call her if this doesnt work out I guess.Or simply try and go to the next speed date evening - next month. (at 28 its incredibly hard to meet someone- thank God for the speed dating invention)Its just that I was so SURE she liked me- we kissed for ages- she seemed really into it.I really liked her- she was so cool and open and just... niceps I already have male and female friends - what I want is an intimate partner, so i can enjoy sex and cuddles and kissing and sleeping with.Im fed up being unfancied, unwanted, lonely and celibate...pps My stomach is in knots- I keep looking at my crappy mobile like a lovesick 12 yo girl... gosh I'm a catch... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted August 28, 2012 Report Share Posted August 28, 2012 dumped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted August 29, 2012 Report Share Posted August 29, 2012 I'm sorry it didn't work out Jessie. Just get back on the horse and try again! Dating is a numbers game. You'll find the right one as long as you continue to put yourself out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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