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Hoping someone is online...


amberlyn
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So I started a new job today. It went really well. I'm helping this family out by aiding a twelve-year-old special needs boy. Basically, I help him out with his basic needs. It's so awesome.

I just got home about fifteen minutes ago &, on my way home, called my boyfriend to see if he'd be home. Of course he's not. So now my anxiety is THROUGH THE ROOF. I'm sitting on the couch, somehow breathing, trying to relax; it's not working though. I have all of these ideas for things to do to calm myself: tonglen (finding my way posted it on another forum), meditation, a nice bubble bath, painting ..... I just can't seem to get off the couch. I'm panicking now .. awesome. ;) I'm freaking out really badly right now, but I REFUSE to call my boyfriend to ask him to come home. I NEED TO BE ABLE TO FUNCTION ON MY OWN .. I just don't know how to do that [sigh]

I don't know what to do ... it's getting worse the longer I sit here. I hope someone is online that can talk to me. :( I really really REALLY don't want call him. He'd have to drive 45 minutes just to get home anyway.

[freaking outtttttt.]

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Maybe the best thing to do is try to somehow distract yourself. Don't let your mind focus on the anxiety. Talk online or read or watch tv. Try to keep your mind occupied. Maybe if you feel like crying it would be okay to cry, maybe by crying you will release some of the anxiety. I am sorry if I am not much of a help, I'm just not sure what you should do. Most importantly I think though is to not focus on feeling the anxiety. Distraction works well for me.

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I appreciate it. I'm talking to a couple of friends online right now. I have issues with dissociation so TV or movie would be a bad idea. (I get too zoned out & then who knows what could happen...) I'll probably talk to my friends some more & then see about that bubble bath ....

Thanks again. It really does mean a lot.

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Well, I WAS feeling better. Talking to a couple of friends online helped, but only for the moment. Now I'm back to feeling alone & again the thought of getting off the couch is making me a nervous wreck. Actually, I'm pretty terrified to go anywhere in the rest of my house other than the living room & kitchen. (The lights are already on in here so there's no surprises) It's starting to get worse again though. I'm feeling the on-comings of dissociation.... ;) I'm scared. I logically know that I'm in no danger but I'm petrified right now. The later it gets, the more scared I get. I guess I can't really do anything but sit here and hope he comes home soon...

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I called him earlier to see about when he'd be home & he said he didn't know. He's been drinking so he's trying to sober up ... so he has no idea. I'm talking to a friend on the phone who is helping me get through this, so I'm feeling a little better. I think I might be able to go take that bubble bath. :)

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