help

[paisan]

I have been extremely depressed for a year now. i havent lef the house or talked to anone except my immediate family. i realize that my life is ruined. i got a dui and quit my job because of it. since then i have lost my house, my vehicle, and all of my savings. i had to move back in with my parents which is extremely embarassing because im 36. every day i just pray that i can die. if i had a gun i would use it but im afraid to try any other method of suicde because im afraid it will not work. i dont know if there is any solution to m predicament i mean i did cause it. i have no insurance so i cant go to a doctor and i do not ualify for any sort of help. i think if anyne has ever had a legitimate reason to kill themself... i t would be me. what do any of you think?

[Mark]

I can see why you might be feeling ashamed of yourself given some of these events (losing property, moving back in with parents, etc.). These are not the sorts of things that men are allowed to do. Men are supposed to be strong and powerful and independent and to have some money. A lot of men who lose jobs end up feeling ashamed of themselves. Painful though this situation is, I don't believe that it is reasonable grounds for suicide.

Perspective is everything when you are depressed and suicidal. You are bought into a lot of assumptions about what would make you a worthwhile man, and you aren't meeting them, which is to say, you are comparing yourself against these idealized men who are meeting these standards, and judging yourself a failure who doesn't deserve to live. But if you had a different point of comparison you would feel differently, possibly even okay about yourself. For instance, if you valued freedom over wealth, then your present situation would be less upsetting. You'd feel good about not being weighted down with responsibilities like the need to show up at an office, etc. Some people don't care much about where the money is going to come from; they are interested in traveling and they work where they can find it and just have adventures. Maybe not many people live like this but some do, and that sort of person would not see your situation as all that bad.

I point the above example out not to suggest that you should try to be one of these adventurous people, but rather to illustrate that how badly you feel has a lot to do with what standards you hold yourself too.

So let me ask you - what standards are you holding yourself to?

Mark

[Kalima]

I think Mark makes a valid point about your standards for yourself. I know I have higher expectaions for myself than others do for me. I was discussing this with my coucilor yesterday evening.

If you had a friend in a similar situation, who felt the same way, what would you say to them? Would you think that suicide was the correct option for them? Or would you acknowledge that depression is an illness and maybe they need to give themselves a break, cut themselves some slack?

36 is still young you can make your life your own again. You've come here looking for help, and people will listen and offer any advice they can.

It's difficult to think positive when your depressed, but there are methods to help you control the feelings. You say you havent left the house, have you seen a GP/Doc? If not perhaps you should?

I don't think the reasons you have given are sufficant to justify suicide. Also when I have contemplated it I have considered the consequences. Your parents, friends and family how they will feel. Isn't death too permenant a solution for a tempory problem? in all your 36 years how many have been good? and how many bad? if theres a mixture of good and bad then at some point in the future your going to experience the good times again.. light at the end of the tunnel.

Some things to consider anyway.

All the best, hugs Kali.

[paisan]

In response to thee questions posed by the two people who left a response.

I guess I am judging myself by societies standards but i cant really think of any other way to judge myself. My whoe life I have been depressed and have had periodical spells like what i am now going through but they have never been so severe. I guess it has ben so long now that i cant foresee myslf "breaking out of it". My health is too bad to really go out on my own right nnow. Ive gained a whole lot of wight and I have extrmely high blood pressure. As far as friends are concerned to "help" me; I do not have one friend to mention. And as far as seeing a doctor is concerned; I have no money and live in a very rural area where services are limited.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hello Paisan,

Even in remote rural areas there are doctors and services and some of them travel. Others actually use video on the computer. You should contact the nearest hospital, regardless of how far it is, call them and tell them your dilemma. Also, you probably qualify for disability and medicare reimbursement, and that comes under social security.

You must get that blood pressure down.

You know, there is a direct connection between weight and all of your physical problems and depression. It's all rolled into one package. Please call about medical services for people like you in rural areas and ask your friend if he can drive you to the hospital. Yes, I believe it is that serious for you at this point because of your blood pressure.

Allan:(