manic and rage?

[nirmal]

I was wondering if anyone experienced rage while being in a manic state.

For myself, when I get manic , I tend to go into a rage cussing people out including my parents, siblings, and even old friends I went to school with.

As a result I have alienated myself from the people that I love the most, and I don´t know what to do. A while back, around Christmas time, I wrote to the people that I had caused so much pain and apoligsed for the pain that I caused, but I never got a reply from anyone except for my father.

I am really interested in people when, while in mania, experienced rage, hostility, verbal attacks,screaming and saying really terrible things to these people as I do.

Thanks, nirmal:)

[08hduc]

Violent dreams and rage are my first symptoms I am going up. Unfortunately for other people, I follow up the rage with actions. So far I have stayed 1 step ahead of arrest but sooner or later I will cross that line. I have over 20 years of defensive tactics training so I am very capable of hurting someone.

I also separate myself from society for societies sake. I was an avid collector of WW2 firearms but due to this they are all locked in a public storage locker I do not have access to. So other than TV and the internet I am isolated. Every now and then I go to lunch or just hang out with some biker types because I know they can control me if I get out of line. But even they are tiring of me.

I used to make model planes as a kid so I though that would be a good hobby but my hands shake so damn bad even that is out. :mad:

[nirmal]

I completly understand your situation, at least part of it. I really feel for you. My hands shake too. I have a hard time to thread a needle!!!

Are there any after care programes or day clinics in your area? If so, maybe you wouldn´t feel so isolated Any family?

Hope things get better with you and you find what you´re looking for.

nirmal:)

[Luna-]

I'm late replying to this topic, but hey, it's evergreen, isn't it?

I get rage too. During a recent mania I was so irritable and angry that I exploded at 5 people in one day (verbally, not physically). I just took off at them, in anger. It took me weeks to mop up and repair the damage I did in that one day, numerous apologies, saying "I don't know what came over me, I'm sorry about how I behaved, it wasn't anything you did, my bad" etc. It was lousy and I regretted it a lot.

The thing about this, is that personally I know and understand that it was from mania, and that I was "under the influence" of the mania. I'm pretty meek and I wouldn't ordinarily say things or be aggressive like that! But it sounds VERY lame to say, "I was manic". It comes across as an excuse, as if I am not taking responsibility for what I did and that I "couldn't help it". I don't want to make excuses for my behaviour. "Don't mess up an apology with an excuse."

The other reason why I don't want to mention that I was manic is that they may then infer that I'm not in control of myself and therefore not a rational, trustworthy person. Responsibility and integrity are important values for me, and I want to be taken seriously as a contributing adult. So I don't want to blame my chemicals.

But at least *I* understand me. I get onto my own side and I understand why she/I behaved in that way. I say to her/myself that it wasn't ALL my fault and I forgive myself. I acknowledge that to some extent, I couldn't help it. Mania causes me to lose some restraint, insight and perspective and I don't like that much, but I can't go on a self-blaming binge.

It's lonely when you can't explain to anyone why you acted that way. And in the end I'm the one who has to clean up the spilt milk. And that rage spills a lot of milk.

[Lindamomof7]

I always have been told, "it's the illness talking" and I agree. It is like someone took away our protective shell and then there are no "cushions" to our feelings or reactions anymore. I guess similar to a 3 yr old? I always ask where did it go and I think somehow we all have to live with this extreme form of a personality and constantly make sure it gets kept in check at both ends: rage or crying. So I can become too sensitive and also go into too much of the rage.

My family always reminds me to stay away from the police as best I can and call for help in case I get stopped for anything like a speeding ticket or whatever because they know if I am in the rage mode and I have an arrogant SOB of a trooper they know I will get myself arrested because i will not handle the situation properly.

So I always have to be aware of my triggers and TRY to keep in control when situations are uncontrollable... Tall order for us Bipolars...

[cyblue]

i too am late in replying to this topic. however, i have almost lost jobs due to going into rages (hollering, screaming)...one was directed at my boss. people, including me, were surprised that i still had a job the next day it was such a bad thing.

i also used to rage against my family - my mother most of all. she now understands that it was something i had no control over. i always felt afterwards as if i were a young child who'd just had an *extremely* bad tantrum. and it seemed as if these words always came out some time during the tantrum: You Just Don't Understand!

yeah, rages suck. they hurt the ones you care about and you yourself. haven't had one since i've been medicated...so far.

been awful busy rebuilding bridges that i thought had been thoroughly burned. Hopefully your situation gets better - it may take time and a lot of humility on your part to make it so - but at least you've begun the effort.

[PatPaul]

Hi Nirmal,

You raise some interesting questions. My doctor diagnosed me with Type 2 Bipolar which surprised me since I felt I had never experienced manina. But I now learn the mania for type 2 can be irritability, anger...which I do often exhibit. I am confused since I would like to know if these feelings are tied to the bipolar or because I am trying to get sober, or unable to live in the moment, or drink too much coffee?

PP

[Lindamomof7]

I think probably all are attributing to the feelings. Even taking meds, drinking, withdrawing can all interefere with the process.

It is amazing what makes us tick or not and adding environmental triggers only makes a messier time of it. I know my PTSD gets in the way of depression and mania and trying to recover from either bipolar cycling and or PTSD I really don't know anymore but my pdoc and therapist does...

Good luck

[Luna-]

Hi PP

I agree with Linda, all of them.

Don't forget that mania (or hypomania for BP2) is not only about mood, (euphoric or dysphoric) but also about energy level. If you're very restless, move around a lot, do a lot of things, ie exhibit high energy, that may also indicate hypomania.