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My last encounter with my inner demon.


Pseudonym
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I first came upon this site because I identified that I may be a pedophile. This was a very humbling moment for me because I like to believe I a good person. Hell, I do all the right actions except for I used to indulge in child pornography. When I realized that I was a pedophile and that was not ok, I began my change.

As most changes occur for me it was a bumpy road full of relapses and redemption. But it was a couple months ago in which I had the most impacting redemption I've ever had.

I had just indulged and I was sitting back contemplating myself. I don't know what overcame me but I stood up and walked to the bathroom where I have a large mirror and I stared at myself. It was at least a half and hour before the image in the mirror closed in (I then noticed it was me doing this), it was so surreal, I began talking, but it didn't feel like it was me. Not like another personality, or Schizophrenia, I was completely aware that this was me. This was the creature of reason. The part of me who identifies correct courses of action.

I began to speak. "You are a pedophile. And that is not alright. You may not be hurting these children, but you might as well be. If you don't stop you are simply adding to the problem, or at least you aren't subtracting to it. So what's it going to be, do the right thing, be the right person. Be the good guy you know you are! Or do this stupid bullshit! Hurt yourself, and if you're found out your family and friends who trust you. Are you an idiot? Do you not see it's wrong? Of course you fucking do, you're a goddamn genius and you fucking know it! Now act like it."

Since then I have not had an urge to look up the material, and I hope that this last encounter was my last. As long as the creature of reason is within me I will fight this demon. And I will win.

- Anonymous.

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Hi Pseudonym.

I have to say that you are doing really well in realising the things about your true self that you see are wrong and putting in place a way of changing them.

Sorry that dosnt really make sense, I know what Im trying to say just cant seem to find the right words.

Basikly keep up the good work. Stay possitive and keep trying. Im sure with the determination you have and hard work you are doing, you will win and beat your demons :P

Take care

Sue

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Hi Pseudonym B)

With the desire to change comes the desire to learn. All of us are learning and progressing through life the best we can.

Trying the best you can, and having the Creature of Reason on your side, and learning from it, how can you possibly fail ?

We are all here to help support you any way that we can. :)

Take care

Sue

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