Depression, or something else?

[amberlyn]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2005, so I'm very familiar with depression. I've dealt with depression for most of my life and now am pretty good at determining when I'm just having a bad day, or when it's depression. The past couple of weeks though have been crazy for me! I've been soooo moody, mostly towards my boyfriend (who I live with). It's not really highs & lows like I'm used to with the bipolar. I just get short with him so quickly! I don't mean to do it, and I feel terrible afterwards. But over the past two weeks or so, I've yelled at him about four times - in the six years we've been together, I've yelled at him only twice prior to this - and I just get extremely agitated with him. He's not doing anything abnormal.... it's like him just being himself is getting on my nerves... and I don't know why! In the past, my depression has not really caused me to be angry like this before. I'm usually just more on edge, more apologetic, and isolated. I don't really feel depressed; things are starting to look up in my life. But I mean, yesterday I cried because a song came on the radio. It had no significance to my life, no real meaning to me ... but I just started bawling! I don't understand it ... Honestly, it's like I've been PMSing for the past 2 - 2 1/2 weeks. Can how you react to depression change, even when it's been relatively constant for so many years? Could this be something else? And how can I stop being so mean to my boyfriend? ... Any & all suggestions are welcome!

[malign]

Any increase in stress lately?

I get really cranky when I have problems I don't know how to solve ...

And PMS isn't an option. ;-)

[amberlyn]

Not really. I mean, we recently moved & I'm looking for a job. But I went through the depression and anxiety of that already. I got myself through it and am constantly reminding myself that things will work out, we're financially fine, etc.

I think it might be because I haven't been feeling well the past couple of weeks either. I never get this cranky because of that either though I'm a good sick person - I always make sure that no one else has to take care of me This is just so unusual for me, it's weirding me out.

[malign]

You did the depression and the anxiety of the move, but ... how do you feel about the new place, now that you're there? There could be feelings that have nothing to do with financial anxiety going on.

{And stop me if you're more aware of your feelings than I am of mine. I often have to interrogate myself until I find where the feelings live.}

[amberlyn]

Hmmm, well we are out here all by ourselves. Most of my friends live about 45 minutes away. I have been kinda upset about that. I'm just curious why my depression would change its pattern, if that makes sense.

And no, I don't mind the questions at all. I usually have to do this kind of thing to myself as well. It's easier when someone else interrogates me though

[malign]

Well, my only thought is not to try to throw everything into the same box, or maybe, not to bother too much with boxes (labels) at all.

You can tell that you're more irritable than usual. You can let him know, and tell him it's not really his fault. Maybe he can support you in some way, and at least he has warning. And then just work on usual anger-management techniques, like being aware of your anger levels, taking time-outs, and so on.

I have found that those things help with my temper to some extent. Though I have to admit, the biggest help has been not spending time any more with my own personal irritation source, my wife. ;-)

[amberlyn]

Haha. I guess I really don't have to know the reason why I'm more irritable... just knowing that I am will help me do something about it. I just know that my boyfriend will want to know why. I guess if he draws his own conclusions, then if that makes him feel better about the situation, then he can believe it...? That's not gonna hurt anything, right? And thanks, Malign.

Wondering if anyone else has any more suggestions

[Luna-]

I've been soooo moody / I just get short with him so quickly / I've yelled at him about four times / I just get extremely agitated with him. / angry / I don't really feel depressed / yesterday I cried because a song came on the radio.

Could this be something else?

Go talk to your doctor. If you're dx'ed BP, there's a chance it could be dysphoric mania and not depression. It would fit with many of the symptoms you describe. Or it could be a mixed episode. What medication are you on, if any?

[Symora]

hi Amberlyn,

Didn't you tell us recently that you could not afford meds and had not been taking them lately for that reason. That would do it for sure...

I've been off Celexa for 3 weeks not and I'm very glad I don't have a spouse right now , I would not be very nice to him... I've very short tempered and irritable. I've being helping my daughter with some university projects this week and have not been very pleasant. I warned her it was about getting off the medication, so she has been tolerant, but I don't like it in myself.

By the way, it is possible to suffer from PMS for 2 weeks straight, it happened to me most of my life ... if I was overly tired, not eating right or lacking in exercise it was always worst. Perhaps working off some of the steam through physical exertion might take the edge off.

[amberlyn]

Luna & Symora,

Thanks to you both. I currently don't have a pdoc & am not taking my meds. I haven't been taking them for a couple of months though now. I have a gynecologist appt tomorrow morning. I think I'm gonna let her know what's going on, just so I can have SOMEONE in the medical field know and maybe give me some answers/suggestions.

And I think I'm gonna start walking again, Symora. I had back surgery in December so I still can't do a lot of exercising but I know that walking might help some. Just around the neighborhood.... I always tell everyone that it's good to get some fresh air, and sunshine is nature's own anti-depressant. Maybe I should take my own advice!

[mscat]

Taking your own advice is a great thing however, going back to see your Pdoc is the best answer . I am glad that BF is so understanding. But, taking it out on him is not the most pleasant thing to do.

I find myself cranky a lot of times and do not know where it is coming from. Change can bring on the irritability, especially when all your friends live 45min away. IT can take several months to bounce back after a major life change . Moving is a big stressor .

Hope things start to settle down well for you .

mscat

[amberlyn]

I definitely think the move & job stressors have something to do with it. I talked to my gyno about it ... it might actually be from the birth control that I'm on. Although I've been feeling better over the past week or so. Not really blowing up on my boyfriend anymore. OH! I got a job! Hopefully, once I get a consistent paycheck, I can find a new psych

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Amberlyn, Luna, Symora, Malign and all,

I want to congratulat all of you for being of real help to Amberlyn.

Amberly, there is no question that your recent move, looking for a job, living in a new place and far from old friends, etc, is stressful and enough to set off irritability. I agree that you should speak to your Doc and get a new therapist near where you live.

We know that stress leads to depression and depression often shows itself as anger and irritability.

Of course, I wouldn't know...I never get angry

Allan