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Public abuse


kerwinkle

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I need a question answered and was wondering if anyone could help. I was in a retail giant a few days ago and while I was in line ahead of this man who started to yell profanities. I turned and asked him to stop and he turned on me and started saying f--- you. I can say what I want. He went on they called for a store manager and he never showed. This man got mad and Left the store shouting, I don't need this f--- place to shop. I paid for my things and started to leave, as I was near the head cashier he came back into the store and as he walked by me he bent over in my face and said" f--- you Bitch." I was so afraid of him that I called 911 they stayed on the line until I got to my car. My question is, was this abuse or just me being sensitive? ;)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Kerwinkle,

Welcome to our support community.

You should read the posting I published today on our site here. It topic is comping with just these types of situations. As I point out in the posting, people can behave in ways that are just awful. What we need to do is just let it go and not take it personally.

You are not being think skinned and, yes, it is a type of impersonal abuse, of a verbal nature. We have all been in somewhat similar situations at one time or another. I have learned to just walk away.

There is a good chance that the man was either extremely mentally ill or high on drugs of some type. I assure you that his behavior was not rational and that it had nothing to do with you.

The behavior of the store was unforgiveable. The manager should have come forward and called the police, if necessary.

However, people like that store manager sometimes do not do the right things and there is not much to do about it.

I would suggest that you just try to let it go. It had nothing to do with you, you just happened to be there.

Can others come forward and talk about this type of thing??

Allan

Edited by Mark
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:pOh, I think you were being overly sensitive. This is perfectly acceptable behaviour and is encouraged on a daily basis to those who covet mass-media entertainment. (Kidding).

I am verbally abused on a semi-regular basis by 'people' when I'm out walking or riding my bike. I think it's because I'm pretty big and probably emit signs that say 'person with low self-esteem' which attracts the bullys.

When it happens I usually do some self-talk reminding myself that they don't know me and that thier behaviour is a reflection on them, not me.

But there are often times when I'm not feeling strong enough to deal with it and I get very angry and/or sad and anxious which is when I am at risk of becoming the abuser myself. I do get some very ugly thoughts when I'm like that.

Sometimes I'd like to walk around wearing a t-shirt that says 'don't let the bastards drag you down'.

Edited by xaq75
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I used to work in a retail store and I have to say there are some really crabby shoppers. In the years that I worked there I have been yelled at, swore at, told I was a iddiot, put down, and made to feel like crap. I don't know why it is that these people felt they could take out there anger on me really I think that they were just having a hard time and needed to vent it onto someone they felt was in a less position. I hated it and left work early some times over it and really some of this contributed to me taking stress leave and eventually quiting. I guess when you are out in the public you are vulnerable to people lashing out at you if you are caught in the line of fire. Crappy as it feels it has nothing to do with us, just those people having a bad day;)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi xaq75 and forgeting,

Yes, both of your are correct. These things can be difficult to cope with. Instead of wearing an actual t shirt,

Sometimes I'd like to walk around wearing a t-shirt that says 'don't let the bastards drag you down'.

what about wearing inside of your mind or what about keeping a note with that quotation and reading it to remind yourself when these things happen?

Allan

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Yeah, I figured walking down the street with a swear word on my chest might make some people feel unsafe and attract attention from others I'd rather not be noticed by if the first place. I guess the best way to get something off your chest is not to put it there in the first place :cool:

I need to read that article you've refered to earlier in this thread.

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  • 3 weeks later...

What happened to you is without a doubt a form of verbal Peer Abuse. You did the right thing in contacting 911 in my opinion. He very well could have been on drugs or mentally ill but the fact that he mistreated you was wrong.

Oh, I am new here. My name is Elizabeth Bennett and its nice to meet you. :o

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Guest Megan

Hello Elizabeth, I am new here as well! Kerwinkle that is terrible what happened to you in that store. When I was young, I used to react with anger when I was yelled at because of my upbringing. But after several years of therapy some of the things I've learned from my therapist is "how else can you view this?" or not to internalize another's behavior. It is much easier now, but not with my own family. My therapist says to limit my time with my family. Not possible if your father calls you 6 times a day, and if you don't answer the telephone he calls over and over and over and over...

As far as public abuse, three years ago I was stopped at a light and there was a car in front of me. I thought she was moving forward so I gave it some gas. oops, I bumped her. My seat belts didn't even lock. I got out to check things out. They did not. Both cars looked fine to me. I went to the other car and smiled and was friendly and said, "Sorry about that! It looks like things are okay if you want to take a look." A lady in the passenger seat was angry and said no it was not okay. She said she was hurt. They all diss'd me. I suggested to them that they call the police while I call my insurance company. So I went back to my car.

As I was talking to my insurance company and filing a report, a deputy knocked on my window and ordered me to get off the phone. I told him I was talking to my insurance agent filing a claim. He yelled at me to "...get off the phone now!!" He accused me of wanting to leave the scene of an accident!!! He yelled "This is an accident and I am a police officer!! I am in control!!" He was really friendly to the folks in the other car. I got off the phone. He was hostile with me the whole time.

I told him I wanted his badge number and his supervisor's name and number. He told me he would supply me with that information when he was done. Another deputy came along and was the one that was actually doing the investigative work. He was really nice and decent. The other deputy left without giving me the information I needed!! I broke down on the spot and cried so hard. The rational deputy said it wasn't a big deal, just a one-inch scratch.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Mindy and everyone who is commenting on this issue,

We can all relate to these stories. Mindy, I have been in situations like this and everyone has.

The problem is we cannot change the world or the way people are. You and all of us know this. All we can do is to develop a thick skin by telling ourselves repeatedly, "I did not cause it and I cannot change it and it's not my fault." Make that a mantra: repeat it over and again. Also, breathe deeply and relax.

Again I am reminded of the Peanuts comic strip where Snoopy says: "I love humankind,...it's people I cannot stand!" :o

Allan

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