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I can't deal with these feelings...

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Anger. Fear. Anxiety. Depression. I've used alcohol to numb myself from my emotions for the past 20 years. Now that I'm not drinking, these emotions are out of control. It takes all of my energy to make it through the day. I'm barely functional, bouncing from sheer terror to the deepest despair. Could use some support if anybody has some words of wisdom...

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It does pass.

You deadened your emotions for decades, they're coming back with a vengeance. It may be unpleasant for awhile, but it gets better with sober day.

If you give in at this point, you will only have to start over at square one, and in my experience, each time is worse than the time before.

I did find that journaling helped. It makes it easy to see progress over the months, weeks, even days. And in trying to capture my emotions in concrete form, it helped me better understand them, and better able to recognize irrational thoughts.

Hang in there.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am right there with you at this exact moment. Although I dont use alcohol... I am almost always under the influence of marijuana and occasionally do painkillers. Thats actually what brought me to the site this evening. I slipped up and blew a painkiller a little while ago and now Im in the worst mindset I could possibly be in. Ive been suffering in the past decade or so with social anxiety, depression, anger... and then once I hit my teens the drugs. I find just writing on this site is really calming me down a lot. I just need something to keep me occupied, to keep my mind outta those dark places. Im always here, I can try and offer any advice I can =/

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Good morning archyb,

When we had just entered the US (illegally) I remember how much space was freely rented in my head and heart by my fears, trauma, isolation, social anxieties, and every other emotion that I could conjure up. My world was simultaneously frightening and yet freeing, and it was very small b/c of how much energy was spent doing the devil's work inside.

Archy, can you describe your typical day, hour by hour? What do you do and how much free time do you have? In your free time, what do you do? Also, can you talk about your friends and family, are you close to others? Do you spend time with social contacts often?


Edited by David O
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