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Never Have Orgasims!


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I am a 42 year old female and I can honestly say that I can count on one hand how many times I've had an orgasism during sex. I haven't had one in years. I also have to use so much lubricant! I would love to figure out a way to enjoy sex as much as my partner does. I am self concience about my weight and my looks. I like leaving the lights off so he cannot see me! I do enjoy sex, however, I don't EVER have an orgasim! I don't think I am sexy, pretty, nor am I skinny. I do wish I could somehow conquer this! I know it's mostly in your mind.

Please help me figure this out!!!!!



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Guest ASchwartz

Hello ccity and welcome to our community,

You are asking a very good and a very serious question. The problem of women experiencing an orgasm continues to be a frustrating issue for many women, even today, with all of our supposedly increased information about human sexuality.

I could spout many possible reasons but I suspect it would be better if you could tell us more about your self, your life, your partner, your weight issues, and how you feel about sex. I can say this: even women who are thin have problems with orgasm. This is a complex issue that could be influenced about your feelings about your body and weight but actual weight has less to do with it than how people feel about their bodies and how people feel about intimate relationships and how they feel about the opposite sex.

I look forward to your responses and hope many others will respond.


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Hello Ccity ;)

You say during sex, does that include masturbation?

I have (IMO) something called B.D.D. (Body Dismorphic Disorder) and usually 'feel' very ugly and can't look at my own body. If I do see it I can't even masturbate or touch myself anywhere. Sometimes when I do masturbate my orgasm can be very weak and awkward. I can't comment on orgasms during sexual activity with another person as I've not been there for 8 years and even them could not relax enough with her to climax.

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Hi ccity

I think some of it has to do with allowing yourself to let go of so much personal control and if you are so caught up in all the thoughts that come with the self esteem thing then it is hard to let go and just enjoy. If you are worried at all about how you look then you are really not relaxed enough. I think that if you have a regular partner then you should try and break down your wall of insecurities and try to just let it be "natural"

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