No Boyfriend , please

[mscat]

A man likes me a whole lot , and I do not want a relationship . Not really because of him , it is because I feel I am just not strong enough to carry out one.

sigh, he came over with his sister yesterday and got to drinking margarittas ANd listening to music . It was actually fun, he did kiss me a few times , no:iissues there.

I just do not want a boyfriend right now. I give him my number and min. after he leaves he is calling :eek:

it is moving too fast , and I am not well enough for this , what am I going to do?

[malign]

Will it work to ask him to slow down, that you're not ready for a full-blown relationship right now, and so on?

You don't owe him a detailed explanation of why.

And there's certainly no reason to hurt yourself, buried in there.

Can you tell us how the thought pattern goes from "someone likes me" to "it makes me want to hurt myself"? Maybe somewhere along that train of thoughts, there's a derailed boxcar ...

[Symora]

Hi Cathy, I think you just need to be honest. Tell him you are not looking for a boyfriend and that you would prefer to take it very slowly in getting to know each other. You may need to think a little about what would make you comfortable, like perhaps chatting every second day or so, or getting to know each other over the internet, and then share that with him. Don't let yourself be pushed beyond what feels comfortable for you or else you're going to feel all messed up. Be clear about the boundary you are comfortable with and tell it like it is

If he does not like that no problem since you don't really want a boyfriend anyway. If he agrees you can slowly see if he is someone you want to be friends with... I think you are allowed to do exactly what you want and are comfortable with, you just need to be clear about that with him as well....

[JaneE]

Oooh, that's exciting!

Heehee! Probably not what you want to hear right now, but I can't help it. And you DID give him your phone number!!!

Go with it! But *do* take your time, it's always the best way. Explain to him your reservations, that you need to go slow, if he's a decent person he'll respect that and even be delighted by it. Don't throw yourself in his path... not that you are of course, but I think a nice gentleman wants a lady who comports herself with dignity, right?

Just do what you feel is right instinctively, you're a wise person and expect only the best behavior from him... who has the time or the nerve (left) for less???!

Keep us posted!! :-D

Jane

[mscat]

Well that is over with I did talk to his sister and had a good talk with her. i ALSO heard that he is married and had 11kid s !!!!

NO way in hell is that a good plan for me. I can barely take care of myself , sometimes not doing such a good job with that either.

The self harming has been triggering me for at least a week now. I become passive around men, and behave stupid , esp. if i like the guy and do not know him well.

I actually have nOT had a real relationship with a man ,,,, only sexual , physical stuff .

Emotionally i AM not ready to handle myself or even a man for that matter. ESPecially , now with all the major scars i have all over myself. Scars and tattoos .

People are facsinated with my paw prints on my fingers though. that is always a conversation starter .

sO HAppy that the b/f thing is done , before it did turn into the physical aspect of it all.

mscat