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my life is over


passionfruit3
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Im thinking about killing myself in a couple of months it's perfect because i will have graduated i will be happy and happy to go. The problem is I don't know two things how to do it and if I want to do it. There have been some good things happening. But It's not enough to change my mind about to do it it just prolongs the inevitable. I would change my mind but when I decide I have to do something and it's already set in my mind i feel I must finish at whatever cost. Hopefully I did not upset anyone but this is just a fact:)

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Hi passionfruit3 :)

All the time you still have breath in your body your life is NOT over. I have read most of your posts and I realise how harsh things have been for you. However planing to kill yourself, truely is NOT the solution. Its just so final, once your dead, you dont have the option of changing your mind.

My sis died at a young age, she took her own life. I understand why she did this, It was her answer, to the harshness she suffered. It breaks my heart so much when I think of all the awesome things she has missed out on. The beauty she never experienced.

If you dont know if you want to do it, or how to do it, then DONT. Dont even try. The end of your schooling is not the perfect time for you to leave this world. Things arent always going to be this harsh for you, they can get better. Yes ofcourse your still going to get really harsh days, but you will also get some truely magical times aswell.

You have so much good inside of you to offer the world, the world has so much that it is offering you. Stick around and discover it ???? :)

Take care

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Passionfruit,

I fully agree with everything that Sweetsue said to you. By the way, your are "Passionfruit," so, how can you want to end it all? Where is your Passion for life? And, you are about to graduate. What type of school are you graduating from and what would you like to do with your degree, diploma, etc. after graduation?

Graduation is "commencement." That means its the beginning.

Why are you having these awful feeling? What is wrong?

Allan:(

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I agree with SweetSue and Allan. Life is often very dark. Life is not fair. And yet ... it is such a wonderful thing to wake in the morning, to breath the air, to see the wonders of our world and beyond through the eyes of a human being. This is the greatest privilege, however dark things may seem just now. And, as Allan says, your graduation should be a beginning - not some sort of completion, or full stop.

I am not going to suggest that your future life will be a bed of roses. Life always involves struggle, suffering and disappointment - for everyone. For many of our brothers and sisters, the overwhelming problem is finding enough to eat. If this problem is removed, there will always be another, and it will be no less real, and burdensome, for the person afflicted by it - and so on, up the chain of problems. This is part of life.

I am reminded of the story of a man in ancient India who considered himself burdened by insufferable problems. He heard of a wise man in his district, and said to himself, "Perhaps this Guru will be able to help me solve my problems". So the man sought out the sage, and found him sitting silently under a tree beside the river. Immediately, the man began to describe his problems to the wise man - "My wife, she loves me, but she nags and scolds, and does not show me enough respect; my job, it is all right, but sweeping up after the Sacred Cows gets a bit tedious at times; my children, they are wonderful, but they will go into Mohenjo-daro on Saturday night, and drink too much, and spend too much time around the head-shop ...", and so on. When he was finished, he asked the sage what he could do to end these problems. The seated sage lifted his head and replied, "Sorry, I can't help you with that". The man was furious. "What sort of Guru are you, that lacks the wisdom to solve my problems ?" To which the Lord Buddha - for it was he - replied, "My friend, you have problems, I have problems. We all have problems. In fact, I tell you that every man and woman in this world has 67 problems in their lives. Except you, of course - you have 68.". The man was astonished. "Tell me then - what is this extra problem that I have ?". The Buddha smiled. "Your extra problem is that you want to have a life without problems.".

Yes, we all have problems, some of them terrible and dark. And yet - we all have blessings, also. Think of the man in the story - he had problems, but he also had a loving wife who meant the best for him, a respectable (if smelly) job, wonderful (if occasionally tipsy/stoned) children ... great blessings, and probably many more besides. It is a blessing to be alive and, with your graduation, you will start a phase of your life in which you will be further blessed with the responsibility as a human being of entering in earnest on that most human struggle that involves facing your problems with confidence and determination, and of developing your blessings to the full. Try to move forward with confidence and hope. The problems are real - but so are the blessings.

I should say that I am not wholly unfamiliar with depression and inclinations towards suicide. I even knew how I was going to do it (I had the very motorway flyover picked out). But, for whatever reason, I hung around and now - although I still have plenty of problems - I feel blessed that I did.

With very best wishes and sincere regards,

Edited by John Rutledge
typo.
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Guest ASchwartz

John and all,

We are all blessed that you are around, John. Each human being is special and unique and it is a loss to all of us when someone dies, whatever the reasosn for the death.

Allan

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  • 2 weeks later...

I often feel like my life is over too. I feel like everything I am ever going to do, I've done. But I still just keep going, breathing, eating, sleeping, loving my animals, enjoying something good to eat, watching a good movie, listening to beautiful music, enjoying the sun on my skin and listening to the birds singing in the trees.

I don't really have anymore goals or dreams. I was taught not to dream as a child since I was too stupid to do anything right. The only time I dream is when I am sleeping.

I have to stay in the "Right now" or I drive myself crazy. What do I have to do next? Take a shower, get dressed, make some food. Is there anything today to look forward to? Usually not, just the same old boring, usual crap. But I keep going. I am still breathing and I am not in pain so that'll work for me today. I don't expect much from life, just to be in it. I'm alive right now. What else can we ask for?

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