I just want my Daddy

[carolinajewel03]

I am 43 years old, I am the youngest of 3 siblings. My Daddy left me on April 29th 2008...I have always been a Daddy's baby, he is my best friend. I cry everyday. My Momma is having a rough time, so I don't like to talk to her, she had to be admitted into the hospital for 7 days due to stress and depression. We were brought up with a very strong Momma, she don't believe in nervous breakdowns or letting urself get depressed. I have noone to talk to about my feelings, cause if I bring it up, they get upset too, or some will say, well Julie he is in a better place, and that makes me mad cause I want him here with me, now. I have a older Sister but she is very self centered, she makes me feel quilty about the way things happened when my Daddy left, if I do break down and call her, she will not let me get 3 words out, and she talking about herself and her grief. So I write my Daddys letters and send it via e-mail, cause he is all I have to talk to. I sit in my little room crying all alone. I have a wonderful husband, but he worries about me, so I try to hide all this from him. It is like I say to myself, oh my God, I just want my Daddy, I can't believe my Daddy is gone. I go see him alot, I just sit beside him and talk, cry and cry some more. I see myself wanting to get out of bed less and less. I don't know what to do. It is like I know he is gone, but I can't believe it. Why am I having such a hard time with this? My Daddy would be so mad at me. 2 days before he left me, I walked in his bedroom, and he looked at me and said don't cry, I said Daddy u raised me better than that, I am strong. I really thought I was to, I thought I would be the one having to comfort everyone eles, and be the strong one out of all this. I still have to act like I am alright to others, specially my Momma. But I am not, I am falling apart. I am really losing my mind with grief. I really need my Daddy to tell me what to do in cases like this. I am lost.........I use to think that grandparents die to get you prepared for the death of your parents, but I was so wrong, the loss of my Daddy does not compare to anything. I feel like i am dying inside day by day, not knowing how to act, cause all I feel is pain. Keeping up apperances so noone knows I still mourn everyday, allday.

[marie1512]

hi my name is marie i was reading your story im so sorry you miss your dad im shure wher ever he is he is missing you just as much i hope you will feel ok soon every thing happens for a reson i just hope you find someone to talk to and maby you will feel better about things soon god bless:)

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Carolinajewel03,

It has only been four months since the loss of your father. It can take a year for grief to slowly diminish. There is no time clock for grief. However, it seems as though your grief might be even more intense that "usual" whatever usual could be.

Have you thought about seeing a psychotherapist?

Can you tell us more about your self?

Marie1512, thankyou for offering support and hope for Carolin.

Allan

[carolinajewel03]

Well lets see, I have suffered alot of loss in my life, I have had 8 babies only 1 lived. He is 21 now, but he left me when he was 9 to live with his father. I was to strict, I was just so terrified something would happen to him, that I lost sight he was a kid wanting to stay with friends and do kid things. I am the type of person that has a hard time letting people in my heart, I have the ability to shut down on people so I will not get hurt, but once I open up and love, I love very deeply. I think there is nothing more valueable than family. I had Grandparents, I cared for, but not loved. I have trust issues. My parents raised us to always respect and obey them. I have wonderful parents. Never seen any touching, kissing, holding hand, nothing between my parents, so therefore I am not a touchy feely person. My Daddy was the only man I truely trusted. I have been in a few binds in my life, and my Daddy was always there to protect me, and he was the one who spend 2 weeks at duke when I was 12, cause I have a few medical problems. We went to san tee fishing, and wateree fishing. My Daddy was my best friend growing up. As a adult he as always the one I called when I needed advise, or guidence of some sort. I guess I relied on his for everything, I feel lost now. I feel like I am dying inside. My husband thinks I should not go visit him so much, he thinks it is not good I spend time with my Daddy over there. He also worries that I don't allow curtain words like, dead, grave, buried, grave yard...I always say where my Daddy is, or I am going to see my Daddy over there where he is at, or where my Daddy is. I don't know what to say, think or do. I feel like I am 5 again, and don't know nothing. I have not mentioned nothing to my Doctor, I keep thinking I am a strong person, and I will get through this some how on my own. To be honest, I don't think I will let myself believe he left me. I cook dinner and make Daddy a plate, then I break down all over again cause I had forgotten he left. I don't know what eles to say..I know I am rambling but I guess cause I know what I say will not upset you, so I can talk about it now. I don't like upsetting my Momma to talk to her about missing Daddy so much.

[Merits]

I think that its about time that you went to see the doctor about this and see if he/she can refer you to a grief counsellor.

I am in my 40s and I lost my father in May. He was the last in his generation. My grandparents, uncles and mother having passed before him. So you see I know what you are going through. But I wouldnt wish my father to stay here as I wouldnt want to see him living in pain, or suffering. Since his passing things have been fairly stressful, however I still would not wish to call him back for advice, as I like to think of him as not having to worry about this family anymore and needing to focus on himself and his needs, after all he had spent forty or more years worrying about us so he deserves a rest.

[Anguish]

I'm 53, my father died on August 20 of "end-stage dementia". He had (probable) Alzheimer's, and for 5 years my mom and I were his only caregivers. It was 5 years of hell. I could see that the stress was killing my mother, so I was worried about both of them.

Then last January--in the midst of all this--I discovered that my beloved cat didn't just have hyperthyroidism, as we thought, but also end-stage cardiomyopathy. In spite of all the specialists and my mom and I could do, she died right in front of me on May 6.

I have no siblings, no husband and no kids, and our nearest relatives live 250 miles away.

In the space of 3 months, I lost exactly half my family (my cat was my furchild). Only my mom is left, and she's 81 now-the same age that my dad first exhibited signs of Alzheimer's.

I don't even feel any grief--except for my cat. Mostly I feel rage.

The next person who dies will, I hope, be me.

Life sucks.

[paula]

Awe Anguish! Don't feel like that!

What would your mother do without you by her side? Remember.... You'r all she's got left.

I know that you'r probably thinking that, what are you going to do when she dies?

Lifes what you make it! If your not happy with life it self, then do something about it!

When your going on about, wishing you was dead! Think about them that are? Some of them having no choice/option! Killed in a accident, killed in unforseen circumstances.

You want to think how lucky you are at being here? Life is one big gamble. You take the good with the bad!