Can't remember

[goose]

I can't remember what I am supposed to do when my anxiety gets this high.

I find it difficult to focus, and to think. Am I allowed to take valium?

What am I anxious about? I need to disect this down. What are the thoughts that are making me this anxious?

1) The fact that my husband has had a health scare - well he is ok, it seems to be stress related.

2) My Dad's health after 4 months in Hospital is still uncertain - he has done better than expected, but I still worry about him.

3) My 16 year old son will still not come home - I'm not happy that I don't know who he is staying with now, but he did make it up with his Dad, sort of when he visited him in hospital.

4)Made a prat of myself today, didn't go into work today because I thought my daughter's interview was today, just realized it's tomorrow, my boss was expecting me to take tomorrow off.

5)My 14 year old is being assessed by a clinical psychologist - I know his problems are probably due to the family dynamic - will probably be put down to parenting.

6) Finally the big one - My husband does not cope, so I have to be the one who always cope, it feels like I have a 4th child not a partner. No matter how I feel I have to be fine, someone in this relationship has to be. I'm tired and resentful of this now, I want someone to support me for a change.

Goose

[SweetSue]

Hi Goose,

You have so much going on at the moment goose,

Can you find a quiet place somewhere in your house where you can just sit quietly for while, and just breathe, ?

When I get like this I often forget to do that. I find sitting somewhere for a while and just concentrate on my breathing helps. Also I try to visualise that Im on a lovely empty beach on a warm sunny day, Imagine in great detail the sound of the breeze and the calmness of the gentle waves, the odd palm tree, or rock pool. I try to visualise each thing in turn, in the smallest of detail possible. It just helps somehow, maybe it could help you a little ?

We are here and listening, and do care

Take care hun

Sue

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry about the anxiety, Goose. I know how debilitating it can be.

You've broken this down, but which do you think is the worst stressor right now? Number 6? Have you spoken with your husband about this and expressed your feelings to him? Imbalances within your relationship may cause even more stress, especially when you are carrying much of the load. You are dealing with a lot right now. Are there any friends or family there, aside from your H, who can offer you support?

I agree with Sue about stepping back and taking a breather as well. Anxiety tends to rear its ugly head when your mind doesn't get a chance to rest. Clarity of thought can be easier to find after a period of relaxation. Maybe take an afternoon away from your problems just for you.

I hope things calm down for you soon, Goose.

[goose]

Thanks girls for your support and suggestions.

I have a relaxation cd somewhere which I have found good in the past, I think I will dig it out.

I love the pictures on your blog Sue, they are so calming and refreshing.

Irmajean, I do talk to two of my sisters which helps, but I can never bring myself to talk about the problems I have with being left to carry the load because my husband just "becomes Ill " everytime there is a problem. I cancelled my session with my therapist last week because my husband was in hospital, I'm going to definately keep it this week no matter what.

I found some breathing excercises before in an article by Allan - must try to find them again.

The support that I have got from everyone on this forum has been a life saver for me.

Thanks

Goose

[malign]

Hey goosey,

Just figured I'd join in so you couldn't say 'girls' any more. :-)

Nah, it occurred to me that we often hear wives saying that their husbands make them sick; at least yours has cut out the middle-person and just makes himself sick.

Okay, it might not be a bright side, but I hope you laughed.

Maybe there's a way to drag him kicking and screaming into a partnership?

[goose]

Yes Malign, I can always depend on the "boy" / "Lad"/ "man" on the forum to make me smile.

My Therapist reckons that I am being emotionally bullied in my relationship - It took me a long time to admit that I am afraid of him in some ways - even when he was in hospital I nearly had a heart attack when I realized I had left the garage light on - one of the many things he would pick me up on.

Thanks again for your constant support and humour.

goose

[malign]

I'll let you decide whether the therapist is right. But it wouldn't be the first time someone picked on the avoidant person in the room.

I only support people who deserve it, you know. :-)