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I don't know if I can take it anymore


VeryConfused
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I'm not happy, I'm on med's, my wife has almost turned on me...I'm having some thoughts right now that I haven't had since I've been on Meds and...I don't really want to fight them off. All I can think about is just letting go...I want to die. Life doesn't seem like it is worth it. I am all alone and my wife is out with friends...she stopped me last time and I was in the hospital for a few days...I better be thorough if I'm going to do it tonight...Sorry for all of this I don't have anyone to turn to...

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Hello, VeryConfused,

I hope so much you're still here and you'll return to this forum!

I know how hard it is to help somebody who doesn't want to live, mainly by writing only, because I also went throught such periods when I wished to die so much. But I also know that suicidal ideations can disappear, even if it is so hard to believe when you're "wrapped up" in them...

Please, don't forget that all your suffernig is caused by a disease and the disease is curable; it "only" takes a lot of time and a lot of effort from your part. The main thing is not to give it up.

You've written: <<I have at least 2 distinct parts of me. The one you see everyday who is nice, quiet and a hard worker.>>

Try to think of this "good part of you"; to kill yourslef would be not only "getting rid of your suffering" - it would be also a murder of this nice good man, loving and needed husband - the man who will once become happy if you don't kill him now!

You don't post here very often; maybe you could try to do it more frequently to "organize your thoughts", to share your very private feelings and pains which you have to hide from your wife and haven't got enought time or currage to share with your therapist so far. It can be helpful, give it a try :o

So, please, hold on, your way is very hard now, but to give up your fight would be to lose the chance to "find the clue", to heal your pains and to learn to enjoy your life!

I wish you well!

L.

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Good morning confused,

It always seems that once things begin to unravel, everything begins to fall apart quickly and soon we are overwhelmed by even the slightest issues. Can you talk a little bit more about your unhappiness, where it comes from and how it's affecting your life?

There was a time, when I was in the midst of my divorce and just following the discovery that my wife had been having a series of affairs, when I wanted to simply die-- not by my hand, but just to slip away quietly. My heart was ripping apart, the sensation so palpable and real that I believed I was going to have a cardiac arrest at any time. The pain so deep and consuming that I lost my job and eventually had to move to a larger city 3 hours away to make ends meet for myself and my kids. This meant I was alone, away from my family, demoralized and feeling hopeless.

Confused, is the issue these circumstances alone or do you have other struggles and this is just too much? Have you been struggling with feeling helpless and hopeless for a long time or are these new developments. You mention that you're on meds, can you tell us what they are, if you're taking them consistently and how long you've been on them? And finally, when you were hospitalized, what was that for.

I'm so sorry that your life has come to this and do wish you would stay with us and talk.

David

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  • 2 weeks later...
I'm not happy, I'm on med's, my wife has almost turned on me...I'm having some thoughts right now that I haven't had since I've been on Meds and...I don't really want to fight them off. All I can think about is just letting go...I want to die. Life doesn't seem like it is worth it. I am all alone and my wife is out with friends...she stopped me last time and I was in the hospital for a few days...I better be thorough if I'm going to do it tonight...Sorry for all of this I don't have anyone to turn to...

VC? :confused: You here? Answer please.

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Hi VeryConfused,

I read the last post you put when you were thinking of giving up- which I hope you didn't!! I know life may seem worhtless at times especially when you feel so alone and no one to talk to- the depression takes over and it's like a totally other person. No matter how hard it is, we always have to remember to keep faith & have hope, even when the hope is totally gone within us. You have made it this far right? This shows that you are a strong individual who has conquered a lot through your life!! Please , there IS help out there, there is a chance for you to feel life again <3 It's a constant struggle, a daily war, but I believe that you can defeat the deamons!! We all can! Hope you're okay <3

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