New Member seeking advice on depression

[Illusionist]

Hi:

I'm new to this forum. I'm a 22 years old University student who is currently fighting a losing war against depression. Then I come across this forum and I felt not alone in my situation and was encouraged by the supportiveness of the members. So I'm just wondering if anyone can help me by giving some advice.

My question is: Professionals seems to be agreeing on that depression is treatable. To what extent? How effective is each treatment? Can anyone give any advice on self help?

- How soon and how well does antidepressants take effect after using

- Would I develop dependancy or addiction if I take them

- How effective is relative theropy?

- How long does theropy take to solve my problem?

Here's the backgroud info on my depression:

Start and Cause:

I am from Canada and currently I'm working in New York for the summer as university Intern program. Away from family and friends. Early June I took a day off and made a bus trip 13 hours across to surprise this girl I liked for the longest time by attending her convocation. I arrived finding her there with her new boyfriend which I had no knowledge of. I returned to new york and was depressed ever since.

Symptoms include:

- Extreme Difficulty Concentrating.

- Extreme unproductivity.

- Constant negative physical feeling. I dont know how to precise describe it. It's similar to nausea or feeling of anxiety. Almost feel like I'm a murderer awaiting the verdict.

- Losing of interest in everything I used to enjoy. 2 of my best friends are comming to visit me all the way from Canada and I'm not even excited!

- loss of appitite. Dont enjoy eating and cant eat as much as I used to.

- Gaining weight. Dispite not eating dinner everyday.

- Dreaming about her about once a week.

- a third or a half of my nights were sleepless. I was in a semi-conscious state where I flip often, sweat and think about bad stuff.

- restlessness. Uncomfortable keeping still. Sometimes I have a strong urge(and often do) to apply force to something. Crashing paper/platic cup to a ball. snapping a pen and such...

- causing pain to myself. so far with teech and fingernails. often unconscious and realize and stop after feeling pain. no weapon or blood involved so far luckily.

- thoughts of suicide. Doesnt anyone?

- Cant stop thinking about the convocation event and things related to it.

I have already been doing:

- I try to smile to myself every time I walk across a mirror. But my smile has became much less vibrant than what I used to have.

- I try to think about happy thoughts. But those thoughts are overwhelmed by all the negative thoughts that come across my mind

- Talking to my sister through email. I keep writing these super long emails to my sister at work to seek comfort. But these only further decrease my productivity as well as my sister’s productivity.

- Doing online research. I’ve gained much knowledge about my situation but… so? I guess what I need at this point is just treatment which I cannot have.

Need help:

I wanted and wants to see a psychiatrist. But unfortunately as a student, I dont make anywhere close to allowing me to pay for living, tuition and psychiatrist all at once. Free sounselling have waiting list of 1 year long. So at this point I am pretty much denied the much needed treatment.

I also realize that I have love addiction as well. Now that's off topic so I guess I'll make a post in another subforum

I've been trying very hard to overcome it myself. But as most of you know, it's quite impossible. In a place with no support from friends and family just made it THAT much worse. I'm now debating on dropping a term of school to do part time job and psychological treatment. But I'm wondering what I should expect from professional treatment or drugs. I also want a better way to self help. PLEASE help me!

Edited July 27, 2008 by Illusionist
adding symptoms