I am going to therapist!

[Autumn Rain]

Finally I did it. I contacted a therapist and made an appointment tomorrow, and now I am conflicted between going or not going. Is this really necessary? I don't want to air the dirty laundry, what if she tell my whole experiences to someone else? Is this possible to happen, maybe she will share some points as anecdote for her circle of friends? What if she somehow knows my family circle, or maybe even extended by some points and then she will know the whole deal? And how can I know if this therapist will be great help for me? Should I come first and then see if it's okay to continue? What if she put the blames on me? I don't know if I am enthusiast about going to the appointment now.

I did take the step to contact her after my situation worsened and currently I am in serious need for a new perspective, but there is no one else to go. And I don't even tell my family about going to one....what if someone spot me enterring the therapist' place and put two and two together and tell my family's circle, and then everyone will know and regard me as 'mentally unbalanced'? I'm sorry, but in my family going to therapist is considered like that....I tried to ask my mother's opinion about going to one several times since last year, but she made it clear that she disagree. In her opinion, I don't need any therapist, I just have to 'live with it' and toughen my stance more. Do I take the right step by making this appointment?

[David O]

Good morning Autumn,

Finally I did it. I contacted a therapist and made an appointment tomorrow, and now I am conflicted between going or not going. Is this really necessary? I don't want to air the dirty laundry, what if she tell my whole experiences to someone else? pet when Is this possible to happen, maybe she will share some points as anecdote for her circle of friends? What if she somehow knows my family circle, or maybe even extended by some points and then she will know the whole deal. Therapist are bound not only by their code of ethics and rules of professional conduct, but also by law, to not break confidentiality except when the client discloses that they are going to hurt themselves or another specific person, or if they are abusing a child or elderly person. Beyond that, we're bound tightly and to violate this cardinal rule is to risk having our license stripped, or being sanctioned, or anything in between. No therapist will do this and it's drilled into our heads from day 1. Go in, be open, honest, involved and hungry for change... forget every fear you have. The only reason to not see a therapist is if it takes away from your self reliance and reduces your own capacity for problem solving--- too many people become "addicted" to therapy and will prefer it to life sometimes.

? And how can I know if this therapist will be great help for me? Interview them like you would a plumber or electrician! Ask them how long they've been in practice? Where they were trained, how many clients with your specific issues they've seen. Also ask if ascribe to any particular school of thought. These questions will not only give you real data, but also give you a sense of whether his is a therapist you can work with and be comfortable talking to. Finally, ask 1st if you can come in to interview them as a prospective therapist-- I always insist on an initial 20-30 minute interview so we can both assess compatibility.

Should I come first and then see if it's okay to continue? What if she put the blames on me? I don't know if I am enthusiast about going to the appointment now. There's never blame here, that's never the goal. The goal is to help you achieve the level of healing you desire, and this is done thru homework assignments, conversation, a little prodding sometimes, compassion, sensitivity, understanding, excellent questions (the key piece) and so much more.

I did take the step to contact her after my situation worsened and currently I am in serious need for a new perspective, but there is no one else to go. And I don't even tell my family about going to one....what if someone spot me enterring the therapist' place and put two and two together and tell my family's circle, and then everyone will know and regard me as 'mentally unbalanced'? Plenty of people go to therapy and it doesn't carry much of a stigma like it used to. If you're truly concerned, wear a cap with sunglasses when going in, or even the Jack-in-the-Box outfit (I had one client do this for the same reasons you're stating), but do go in if you feel the need to talk. Autumn, I'm wondering if you're putting too much anxiety and second guessing into this. My recommendation is to go at least 3 times, and then decide if it's for you.

I'm sorry, but in my family going to therapist is considered like that....I tried to ask my mother's opinion about going to one several times since last year, but she made it clear that she disagree. In her opinion, I don't need any therapist, I just have to 'live with it' and toughen my stance more. Do I take the right step by making this appointment? Only you can answer this one; however, if you feel comfortable, can you tell us a little about why you've decided to see someone? What would take you to see someone and what is it that you need to toughen up about.

Your family doesn't need to know (if you're over 14 in many states), unless of course it shows up on their insurance.

Talking to us may be very helpful, we're a very compassionate, understanding, caring, sensitive, bright and even wise and witty crew, so please feel safe here. Who knows, we may be of help as you decide.

david

[Unbekannt]

Ask your (soon to be) therapist about his commitment to confidentiality. Discuss the issue until you feel comfortable that this is right for you. I usually feel extremely uneasy when I approach the issue and then extremely liberated that I did.

As David said interview him/her like you would a plumber or anybody else on whose expertise you rely to get something done for you. Make sure you get an understanding that allows you to rely on her/him without feeling "this isn't a good thing". If you have a good/trusting/confidential relationship to your regular physician, you can tell him that you are going to see this therapist and ask about that physician's experiences with him or her. I've learned over the years that usually "never heard of him or her" isn't a bad thing.

You also can agree on a 'trial' period, like "how about I see you 2x and can I then make a decision about continuing" (I liked to work with the therapist and his expertise there and let him suggest how many visits until we both came to a conclusion about the 'trial') and should you come after that to the understanding 'this is just not the right therapist for me' you can even ask for a referral to somebody else or a bit help in finding 'the right' one. Almost similar to your regular physician, when he gives you a diagnosis and you're thinking "hm.. not sure about that" and then ask "would you mind if I get a second opinion and could you refer me to somebody?"

[Autumn Rain]

Hi,

I've gone to the therapist.

At first it was very scary, I was going through a lot of period of silence and can't even open up to her at all despite her proding me. We have to repeat steps for the last 3 days, but I think I am getting better now.

And yes, it is a great help for me....I don't know why I didn't do it since long time before this! It's refereshing, to speak to someone who doesn't judge me quickly like the people around me used to, or someone who just mouthing encouraging words at whatever terrible thoughts I have(usually bestfriends do it out of friendship feeling, but well, I know I don't need encouragement to feel bad). And I think I am rediscovering myself now.

I always thought I am a tough-cookie, the logic over feeling kind of girl. But when we review my lifestory, I realize suddenly that I am that overemotional, sensitive kind of girl whose emotion sometimes rules her. Oh yes, I am logical and quite good using my head, but there are several times when I feel my control over the situation slip, my emotion take the head and I become this emotional creature who couldn't see beyond her own emotion.....it's enlightening. Definitely enlightening.

Far more important, I find it funny that apparently I am my mother's carbon copy. And she, my grandma's. 3 generations, with similar traits despite the two generations below the first always insist that they're not similar at all with each other.

Thankyou for responding to my threat. You're right David, I am second guessing too much when I make the threat. It's just because going to see therapist is a very very big step for me, because I know that this is extraordinary move for me. I am the kind of person who pride herself as being tough and capable of stand on her own feet, so going to therapist is like admitting that I do have problems I am stuck with and couldn't seem to find a way out. And Unbekannt, you're right, it is awkwrd at first. But then it feels sort of liberating....as if now that someone can point me to see things clearly, I can see where I want to go from this point onward. The end destination is still unclear, but I can plan my steps now and can see clearly where I stand. And it feels good for finally I don't feel like a lost soul somewhere nowhere.

I think I will give this therapy trials time. I hope I can get better finally, and find my own self worth again.

-Autumn Rain.