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Just to confess really


performer-uk
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Even though I write behind a username its a big step for me to simply come and type to the world that I have a small penis and struggle nearly every day to come to terms with it.

I have read the posts of many in here, and at first there was a huge sigh of relief, I am not alone. This was a big big deal to me as somehow I knew there was more to it than just size, its the effect of it.

Its also heartening in ways to see that some guys are married, have been with women etc. I have never had sex in my life, the times Ive come close I've made sure it didnt happen - suddenly "thought better" of getting the girl into trouble, put up walls when intimacy got beyond kissing and pretty much all else.

Two big confessions for me there, as to everything else in my life I cannot complain one iota. I do think of my life as being lived forever alone though. I dont really mind it, perhaps its the feeling of just wanting what you can't have?

Anyway I just threw these thoughts down, normally I chicken out of posting at the last minute, or edit it into non existence.

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Hi PerformerUK, I'm glad you found the courage to share that with us. I have found alot of comfort in sharing what bothers me, what twirls and twirls inside of me. Somehow the ghosts are not so powerful when they come out into the light :D As I'm sure you've read on the forum, there is much more to you as a man than the size of your penis, and I hope someday you will find someone to share that <whole> you with, if it's something you want....

Edited by Symora
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Hi Performer,

Congrateulations on having the courage to make your first post. Now just post some more. The biggest benefit I have gained from this site, is in writing my own thoughts here, then re-reading them a couple of days later.

Being able to write down my thoughts and feelings has allowed myself to explore and examine what it is about this thing that hurts so much, to spot some of the negative, faulty thinking that we indulge in, and make some progress to accepting things as they are. Im not done, but Im on the road.

As you now know, just getting it out there is a relief, now just capitolise on it by continueing to post.

All the best ND. (I have a small penis and I cant spell)

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Hello again; this is my second post here..Mmmm , well , its just amazing to me how much our thought and behavior patterns are shared, considering we share the same 'shortcoming' whether real or imagined. I too retreat and avoid intimacy and or sex for fear of rejection,performance,ridicule, being found out; and the few times I went through with it, I was drunk , for courage,and of course ended in disaster....Aaahhhhh , no worries , its a beautiful April down here in Georgia, and my bike's got new tires.:o

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Hello again; this is my second post here..Mmmm , well , its just amazing to me how much our thought and behavior patterns are shared, considering we share the same 'shortcoming' whether real or imagined. I too retreat and avoid intimacy and or sex for fear of rejection,performance,ridicule, being found out; and the few times I went through with it, I was drunk , for courage,and of course ended in disaster....Aaahhhhh , no worries , its a beautiful April down here in Georgia, and my bike's got new tires.:D

The other most common trait we all have is "negative self talk" most of us do it automatically without thinking. Its one of our most damaging traits. You first have to notice it and then 2nd conciestly put a stop to it.

At least I can pay for what I can't get for free.

Bull! youre a good looking, young, fit, double hard nutter ninja with brains and cash on the hip ready to rock Asia. Dont rain on your own parade:)

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The other most common trait we all have is "negative self talk" most of us do it automatically without thinking. Its one of our most damaging traits. You first have to notice it and then 2nd conciestly put a stop to it.
At least I can pay for what I can't get for free.

Bull! youre a good looking, young, fit, double hard nutter ninja with brains and cash on the hip ready to rock Asia. Dont rain on your own parade:)

Hahaha,,that's right , charge ahead and never back down. ;) About negative thought , well I Think its more a mater of being negative on a very specific subject that just happens to be most important to us men; we are sort of like vampires with bad teeth;) I think the negative in one area of our lives , whatever it may be , should not consume the rest of it ; I happen to love life and am very attached to my own, you know , its a great trip even with its inconveniences and setbacks.

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That sounds just wonderful. :)

Yeah, I thought the same thing, but Next has found a way to live a better quality of life than us, as has Aries. It all goes back to what David O was saying about "positive delusions" that allow you a better way of life. Good to see you are still kicking:)

Arie's, you seem to have found a mindset that is positive, in that you appear to have a normal life except for your size issue's. But you are here anyway. How do you stop your size from interfering with the rest of your life?

Im asking because most of us here struggle with deep depression, for which most of us have totally blamed our size.

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It's good for me also to confess about this problem and how difficult it is to live with.

The best thing you can do here is to post a few replys, or even better start a couple of threads. I have found that the best help for me has come from writing out my own stuff, and then reveiwing it later. It appears that most of what I write is S£$^. But it has helped me. If you read some of my early posts and then my newer posts, you will see I have been able to make some progress with this. Not bad after 30 years of hell.

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Yeah, I thought the same thing, but Next has found a way to live a better quality of life than us, as has Aries. It all goes back to what David O was saying about "positive delusions" that allow you a better way of life. Good to see you are still kicking:)
Arie's, you seem to have found a mindset that is positive, in that you appear to have a normal life except for your size issue's. But you are here anyway. How do you stop your size from interfering with the rest of your life?

Im asking because most of us here struggle with deep depression, for which most of us have totally blamed our size.

Well MD , let me start by dispelling this idea that I lead a blessed life, I don't , but I do believe that life itself is a blessing ; yes existence can be cruel and bitter, believe Me I know, but the bad wont last forever; neither will the good for that matter . I am a worrier and a pessimist by nature , but if nothing else , forty years on this planet have taught Me that things change, situations change , people change , conditions change , but the one constant is always is always Me ; Me to pick up the pieces and regroup after a bad spell , Me to share in the good fortune , Me the good son , the bad neighbor , the good older brother , the bad church goer:D, the m@#$ker that cut you off :).I am the son of my parents , whom for all their failures and shortcomings taught me these very simple concepts; from my father the zest for life and devotion to family , from my mother , well , it was nothing she did or said.When we where kids (I'm the oldest off five) she used to knit these yarn booties in wintertime , which if you ever worn these things , don't last long, anyway she was in the back yard on a cold south Texas morning , eyes closed , knitting on her lap, face toward the sun ,slight smile on her face... still...beautiful . I was six or seven , I didn't understand , after a few minutes I asked her what was wrong , what was she doing , she just said "just enjoying the warm sun" well then it hit me; yes the morning was cold , but the sun was not only warm , it was downright delicious. To this day I try to appreciate and value the small things of daily life , the cool breeze in warm summer day , a great song on the radio when you least expect it , maybe your political party won this years elections , your favorite beer is on sale , I don't know ,but life is so much more than a body part brother.
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