Need Relaxation Techniques

[anonimous2]

So, I am having to break the safety of my isolation this weekend and I'm already feeling really afraid. I had a freak out yesterday that threw me over the edge and has caused me to be in a real frenzy. I don't know what happened yesterday but I was overcome with emotion, anger, and frustration following a family feud with my brother & fiance regarding $$$. My fiance texted my Mom to let her know that I was off my rocker and to call me, that I needed her. Next thing I know my Mom is calling me and I'm too afraid to explain myself, to scared to answer to her. Twice my it rang, and twice more I ignored it. She texted me and said 'I love you', it was almost too much for me. My poor mother is just worried, concerned, and because I'm a wreck I can't even give her the time of day to put her worries at ease about me. I still haven't grown the balls to call her, I wrote her on facebook trying to explain myself, but I still feel embarrassed. I'm scared to see my Mom this weekend. I'm staying at her house all weekend and the anticipation has switched on full throttle, and now the feelings of doom and embarrassment have set in, I feel exposed, normally I am so good at hiding my fears, but now I spilled the beans and I have to face my MOm this weekend. I like my don't ask don't tell policy. It is safer, I don't have to explain my absolutely ridiculous behavior when I manage to keep human contact to a minimum... I usually feel like I'm protecting those I love, but is this working against me now that I feel 'outted'? No one should be scared of their cookie baking, hug giving, loving mother. I love my mom so much. Anticipating people is so scary. I'm scared to visit her, I'm scared to visit the rest of my fam this weekend. I want to run away. Can we say fight or flight mode? Someone HELP ME get outta this funk and down to my Mom's before I go completely loony.

THanks.

[David O]

Good morning taybkc88,

I saw in an earlier thread where you stated that you were on Buspar and Zoloft, and were in therapy. Between that post and now, have there been any changes to this in dosage or meds? I was also wondering what you and your therapist were working on: discussion topics, strategeies being used and skills being taught to your for reducing anxiety and stress levels, types of homework given, are you able to complete the homework?

Anxiety is such a tough thing to deal with and I've had my bouts with it as a part of my PTSD, which combined can be overwhelming at times. My concern in reading your post and others is how your anxieties seem to be worsening and possibly leading towards mild to moderate agoraphobia, is my interpretation right (sorry if I jumped to a conclusion)? If this is the case, you will need to move quickly to stop the progression as it can become a debilitating life experience.

I'm so sorry for your trouble with your family. They seem supportive (at least your mum) and yet that alone doesn't break the ice from your anxieties.

Good luck taybkc88 and please write back,

David

[anonimous2]

Well, my therapist really wants me to see a psychiatrist. I have yet to make the appointment because I hate having to re-explain everything that is going on and I hate having to miss work at all. I know those are poor excuses, I really need to just get it over with. The therapist said that zoloft and buspar arent really ideal for what i have (according to her knowledge at least), so that is the reason she really wants me to go. I am still on 200 mg zoloft/30 mg buspar a day. She said that psychiatrist would probably taper those as he puts me on ones he feels would be more affective. Aside from that... I'm a pot smoker, I smoke everyday and she really wants me to give it up so that we can see how I am without it. She taught me a breathing exercise that she wants me to do of a morning and evening (when I would normally smoke) as well as journal when I feel like smoking, I know that it is important, but it's like I want her to teach me coping skills rather than go through some stupid process that would require me to quit smoking. She basically said I need to make a choice depending on if I want to help myself through this anxiety. I'm seeing her May 7 and I still havent started the exercises or quit smoking... Maybe I should get on that? Ughhh, its so hard to be proactive! I'm feeling better today than I was yesterday, just trying to remind myself that everyone I'll see this weekend loves me, that they arent judging me or my behavior.

[anonimous2]

I'm proud. I just scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist, and it's on a Saturday so I don't have to take off work. No excuses. I'm doing this.

[malign]

Congratulations, tay! Good job keeping yourself away from excuses. They're my biggest downfall. :-)

[anonimous2]

Okay guys, after work this evening I'll be headed to my Mom's with my brother & fiance for the weekend. I'm am feeling relatively calm today. I'm going to do all that I can to stay in this positive mindset. Wish me luck. I'll let you all know how it goes. Oh, and by the way, somebody mentioned moodgym.com on a blog, I went to it and signed up and am feeling excited about having that around for the time in between therapy sessions. Thanks again for helping calm me down the other day. Talk to u all soon

[David O]

Good morning Tay,

Good luck on your trip and way to go on seeing a psychiatrist. I was thinking, from your reading your writings on this, that you seem to be stuck, but much of it by your own hand, In the past I've talked about a very basic insight and one that likely affects 75-90% of those who I see and probably many of us who write into the forum (in all of its’ cold reality), this in particular has to do with your smoking weed, making your 1st moves to address some issues, making a choice and likely other areas not touched on.

Tay, most unwanted behavior occurs because we, in part, want it to occur and put ourselves in situations where it is hard to avoid or don’t make the complete effort to remove ourselves from the settings that trigger it . The would-be dieter has more than 1200 calories of food on hand ; the smoker trying to quit has a whole pack on him/her instead of just 5 cigarettes; the recovering alcoholic has hidden the booze in the closet in his own bedroom or in the basement in an old crate; the gambling addict whose tried to quit 15 times keeps a role of quarters or dollar bills socked away somewhere in his car;… the list is endless.

Most people struggle with this idea and so they create arguments and all sorts of private logic, mental gymnastics and cognitive/emotional distortions, distractions, etc., to not have to face it-- but it is a hard truth I've had to face and one that most of those who are or have been in therapy have also had to confront, but usually in less harsh terms.

Hopefully this will help you a bit more in your decision making.

Oooooops, almost forgot, what did your psychiatrist say and did they do a med adjust?

As always, good luck and I look forward to hearing how it went.

David

[Symora]

Good luck! Can't wait to hear all about it

[anonimous2]

So I just got back from my Mom's this afternoon and I had an amazing weekend! I saw some of my extended family and barely had to force myself to calm down. I did a few of those breathing exercises in the car on the way to my aunt's, but other than that I didn't have to do a darned thing to feel okay, because I felt GREAT majority of the time!! I played with my niece and nephew, drove them all over on the 4 wheeler, went fishing with my brother & fiance, and visited for hours with my Mom. I sat by a pond and fed fish with my aunt and uncle. I did a lot more without having to force myself than I ever would have imagined. This is how I usually work, I have a VERYYYY horrific anticipatory anxiety, Ill avoid things til the cows come home but once I get myself there, I realize how things will be okay, that I should never have been frightened in the first place.

I didn't smoke when I was out of town either!!! I find that when I'm with my family and surrounded by those that I love, I feel absolutely no need to smoke! I forget that I ever wanted to in the first place. I get so carried away having fun doing other things when I'm with people that DONT smoke, that I just dont want to. When I don't have it, I don't want it. Maybe once I get good at this whole getting out of the house thing I will find it easier to surround myself with a group of friends that does not use drugs. Currently I don't really have but 1 or 2 people that I hang out with anyways. It will be a good opportunity to start fresh.

I go to see the psychiatrist on Saturday, May 15. My next therapist appt is Friday, May 7.

Thanks again for calming my nerves up until this weekend. I'll keep you guys posted. =)

[Symora]

It's so great it went well Tay. Sometimes I wonder why worry was invented, since it's mostly useless anyway . You sound happy, that's so nice to see ... :-)