Start living

[gix88]

Hey, hi there guys!

I would like to ask you guys how can I start living my life.

My condition is quite weird! I feel really attracted by the wonderful world is outside my home, but I have really little social skills.

I feel like I am wasting my life right now.

Reading books, play my guitar... I mean, I really like doing those things, but my instinct suggests me that I'd better LIVE for real now that I am still in my early twenty.

What I should do first?

Thanks!

gix

[Symora]

Hi Gix88, welcome to the forum :-)

Sounds like you want to get out there... good for you. Perhaps one mention of the fact that you have already started your life, and playing music and reading is part of it :-)

Have you thought of things you would like to do? What are the things that interest you? That's usually a good place to begin....

[David O]

Hi gix,

Welcome to the "family". I was wondering if you could give us a little more information, such as-- how long you've been isolated from others, what caused this situation and what level of distress does it bring you to go out into the world?

Knowing this will greatly help us better understand and ensures that we are able to help you in the right ways.

Finally, have you been in therapy before or on any medications that is connected to this in any way? Can you talk about this?

Write back, we'll be here waiting,

David

[gix88]

Oh, thank you Symora and David O... Thanks for your interest in my topic!

>Perhaps one mention of the fact that you have already

>started your life, and playing music and reading is part of it

Yeah, in a strict sense, you are right!

>have you thought of things you would like to do?

What I would really love to do now is... share my time, my interests, my happiness with others.

>how long you've been isolated from others

If "isolated" means no friends, days spent without say a single word; no, this in not my case.

I have a few friends, but I have never been close to any of them.

I sometimes have fun with those guys, but it is more likely they phone me only when they need an extra-player for the soccer match or something. Fake-friendships.

I spent a lot of time by myself, this make me "isolated" from the rest of the world.

>what caused this situation

I can't simply manage this situation.

I got stuck with it, this makes me feel hopeless and different from other guys that know how to get what they want.

>what level of distress does it bring you to go out into the world

Honestly, not too much. Just a little because I am a bit shy, but that is another story.

>have you been in therapy before

Yes, I have been in therapy when I was 15. My parents sent me there because I was really introvert, but I quit after 6 months because... you know, it is not easy to accept things of the kind when you are young.

Thanks again!

[Symora]

Hi gix, thanks for the update. I think the key is always to be clear on where you want to go and start walking in that direction. Shyness is not easy to overcome, but it can be done - I am living proof of that. I mentionned in another thread how I was so shy until I was about 30 that I could hardly say my name in public without tearing up. I had some friends, but few. I figured I needed to address this if I was going to advance profesionally, so I took a public speaking course at a local college. I cried in front of everyone, my knees clacked together, and I stumbled and mumbled through the few presentations I made, but it opened up a door in me and I suddenly realized that a lot of other people had shyness issues too.... I pursued by completing a university program in group faciliation, which was all about being up there in front of people. A little at a time I got better, less shy, more aware of what was going on with the people in front on me instead of what was happening within myself, and now I can speak in front of hundred of people, give training, public speak, and I am no longer shy. Still rather self-concious, but not shy.

So, all of that to say that we can change ourselves, but we have to venture outside of our comfort zone to do it. It need not be by leaps and bounds either, just a little at a time, slow and steady, and before you know it your life is very different and you have stretched yourself beyond what you thought was possible I suggest that you choose one or two group things that you like to do, like joining a sports club (could be volleyball, running, biking, rockclimbing, gym or anything else you enjoy), or taking a class in something you would like to learn (another language, woodworking, mechanics) and just do it. Another great way to meet people is to do volunteering. Most cities have a volunteer bureau and a million different volunteering options - everyone is looking for the help of volunteers these days....

The main thing is that you intentionally stretch yourself a little, dare to move out of your comfort zone and try something new. If the first thing you try goes nowhere, then try another, and another. It makes life more fun, we learn new things and we always meet new and interesting people along the way.

Go out there and have fun gix, don't let you shyness hold you back ...