new job

[Endlessnight]

Yesterday I got a job offer. It is to teach in the afternoon for two hours, 5 - 7pm, four times a week. I would be making almost as much as I make now working 8+ hours daily from 7am - 3:15pm and I don't get home till near 4pm from that. She wants an answer by today though. I did apply for the job but now it's actually offered i'm panicking. Anything new scares me so much that I just want to retreat into my shell, keep on doing the thing I know rather than try to do something else, something new. I even had a nightmare about it last night I am so stressed out. I applied for the new job because I have been thinking of leaving my old one at the end of the school year, so I say, but when it comes to the crunch I am a coward plain and simple. I don't know what to do and it's upsetting me so much having to decide that I am afraid I will probably do what I always do when faced with anything stressful....nothing.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, Endlessnight. I can very much relate to your feelings with this. New stuff scares me too. My stomach always turns when anyone attaches a negative label to themselves, though. Being apprehensive about something unfamiliar doesn't make you a coward. It means that you recognize that accepting this offer will be challenging to you. I think that all of us take comfort with the familiar and caution keeps us from diving into anything without thinking it through first. So these emotions serve a valuable purpose in the planning stage.

Maybe in considering all of your options you can address some of your intital concerns and then come to a decision about this.

What are the pros vs. the cons of accepting this new job offer?

-Hours worked

-salary

-enjoyment of job

Sometimes change can be invigorating. It's a way of challenging yourself. If you were to set aside your fearful emotions for a moment, what would you truly want to do? Would you want to take this job?

[David O]

Good morning Endless,

I want to play the Devil's advocate here with your permission. First of all I don't disagree with Irmajean, she's right on the button and raises important issues. Maybe a different angle from which to look at this might be: Would having less hours on the job increase your free time, which would allow you to ruminate more on the things that have been bothering you, thereby increasing your feelings of anxiety and even depression down the line.... or... would having a new job increase your sense of self worth and accomplishment, thereby alleviating many of your anxieties?

Just a thought,

David

[Luna-]

As usual IrmaJean has great suggestions.

Imagine yourself in 3 months time, settled into either job. Which would you prefer to be in?

If it's the new one and only IF that is really what you want:

A few things I have picked up along the way when I am anxious over a decision to do something new: (Believe it or not, I am sitting trying to decide if I should go for a job I saw yesterday in the paper, I also have to decide today, by 5pm (it's now 1.30)!!

As IrmaJean said, anxiety has nothing to do with cowardice. Bravery is just feeling the fear and doing it anyway. What is the worst that can happen? There will be strangeness at first, but there must've been strangeness when you began your current job too. It's natural to be anxious in this situation.

And a sentence I read about personal growth: Anxiety heralds challenge. Anxiety is a signal that there is a chance to grow - because you'll have to do something different (hence the anxiety.) You've described feeling stuck many times - what if this is an opportunity to build your confidence that you can handle something new and move towards getting unstuck?

One more quote: "Opportunities are missed by most people because they are usually disguised as hard work." In your case the hard work is in adjusting, having to move out of a comfort zone which is scary. But 'scary' is a chance to grow - and that is very good for the soul.

I think I'll apply for that job. What have I got to lose?

[Endlessnight]

All of your posts have valid points, so thank you for your responses. Weighing the pros and cons of accepting the job: pros...extra money, foot in the door for when the end of the school year comes and I start thinking about looking for another job. cons: I would have about half an hour only from returning from my full time job and I would have to be heading out again for this other job. I'm not sure if I am up to that. I'm afraid i'd just be overtired and so get stressed out.

The job i'm in has it's good points and it's bad ones....sometimes I am happy there, but on the other hand although we already work over eight hours a day sometimes they ask us to come in for evening activities or stay late for meetings or even come in on our weekends and we don't get paid overtime for any of those things. One of the reasons i'm thinking of leaving at the end of the year. If I could leave my present job now then I would accept this new job offer, but I can't. I would have to give two months notice and the offer I got yesterday was for me to start on Saturday. I hate being rushed in such a big decision, and I know I should face up to things and not hide from them but my tendency is to freeze up and do nothing. It feels safer that way.

Good luck with the job Luna!

[Symora]

Hi Endlessnight, This is very exciting stuff! Leaving an old job and moving to a new one makes everyone nervous, no matter who. I get a sense you wanted to leave your present job anyway and this new one does soundslike a good alternative - less hours, better pay.... Like David, I wonder if you have thought about what you will do with the rest of the day???? Having too much time on your hands is not necessarily good with depression. On the other hand it sounds like you would be making good money in a semi-retired type of position - a good option as one growns older

Do you think you could do both jobs for 2 months? It's not a very long time and you would have a chance to get used to the other job before leaving your present one. I'm not you, but it does sound like a good opportunity, especially if you are looking to work less and do other things, like volunteering for example, just to meet new people ...

Write out the pros and cons, and perhaps discuss it with someone whose advice you value. That always helps me to sort it out...

Let us know how it goes Endless...

[Endlessnight]

Hi Symora. What you said makes a lot of sense. At my age a semi-retired kind of thing, but where I will make the same amount, if not more, money sounds great. David is right though in what he said about my having more time and how it might not necessarily be a good thing. Activities here are limited for everyone but especially so for women so I don't really know what I would do with the free time I would have. I hadn't given it much thought until I wrote here and got all the responses I did. It would be great if I could plan on taking classes of some sort, painting, writing, anything. But such things aren't available here. I can't make up my mind about what I should do.

[Luna-]

Can I suggest something, M?

You have an internet connection. That seems VERY big to me. I think I would wither and die if I didn't have mine - it's my access to the world. It may take more discipline that going to a physical class, but there are courses, how-to's, just about anything on the net. Free even. I live in a small town and there are lots of things we do not have here that I'd like to do. We don't even have a private psychiatrist, I drive to the nearest town for that. But online, ahhhh, there I can find not only "my people" but all the information my heart could desire and I soak it up. :-) I've read up exhaustively on meds, I read tons about psychological things, I've joined a year-long clinical trial run by a Psychology Dept in Australia to test whether a face-to-face program they run for bipolars would be effective online. (They phoned me to do the Informed Consent and the rest has been exclusively online.) I have learnt SOOO much about bipolar from this.

You seem to be focussing very narrowly and your eyes are on everything you don't have there in Saudia because you're a woman. I'm just trying to get you to lift your chin and see other possibilities... (And maybe fire up Google? )

How about it? If you could learn anything you wanted, what would you pick?

[Endlessnight]

Hi Luna. You are right telling me to stop thinking of what I can't do and instead think of the things I can do, and I am grateful that I have a pc and internet connection....that is a big thing.

I didn't go to work today as I should have because I went for an interview for the new job I mentioned. They hired me and I start Monday. This is for the part time position. If I like it, and they like me then maybe I can work there full time. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I will be up to the job, I am feeling very nervous but proud of myself too that I am going to give it a try. I hope I don't fail. I need my butt kicked now and again, thank you for that. Take care.

oh, you asked me what I would do if I had a choice. My choice would be anything physical. Sitting in front of the pc to learn something doesn't really appeal to me maybe because I do that in my job so much. I know I probably could learn to draw or write online but I would so love to be able to do something that involves any kind of physical activity since I get so little of that. I don't know if I have the self discipline needed to learn a hobby online though.

[Symora]

Good for you Endless, this is very exciting indeed! Isn't interesting how the universe gives us what we need to learn isn't? Just a few weeks ago you were talking about being uncomfortable outside your routine, and now you are moving to a new job, another lifestyle once you leave your present job, new opportunities.

I'm really glad for you, it will give you new things to think about. It happened fast but it sounds like the timing was good since you wanted to leave your other job anyway... the change may be just what you need.... Just remember to take it once step at a time. Anything new is a little unbalancing, but give it a few weeks and you'll settle into the new routine....

Keep us posted my dear!

[Endlessnight]

Hi. I started my new job last week. I teach English to ladies from 5 - 7 three days a week. It was also my first week back at my old job as we had a week's mid term break. It was pretty hard for me, not to mention stressful, and I needed to take my Lexotanil to help with the stress, but all in all I enjoyed it. I also admire all the women there. They are mothers, working women like myself but all of them want to learn which makes me respect them very much. I am hoping that once I get into the swing of it it won't be quite so tiring. I want to thank all of you for your suggestions and support. I don't know who runs this site but I would like to thank him/her/them. Having this forum, a place where I can talk about my fears and know I won't be judged or laughed at is such a wonderful thing. Thank you all again. Take care.

[Luna-]

I'm SO glad to hear this, M - good for you!

[Endlessnight]

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've been so irritable, so short tempered and out of sorts. I'm worried that taking this second job will be more than I can handle. I want to continue with it but i'm feeling so tired all of the time. I re-started taking the Lexotanil last week (I take 1/2 at bedtime with 1/2 of Endep) because I knew I would be very tense and anxious, but it doesn't seem to be working. I feel so down and disappointed with myself.

[Symora]

Hi Endless.... sorry to hear you're feeling out of sorts, but I think it's to be expected given the new routine, two jobs, it takes a lot out of a person. The first week is always the worst because we are not used to the change. Are you going to get a chance to rest up this weekend, take siestas? I know that when I'm tired I'm a bit of a bear;) This is a time where you have to take real good care of your health. Starting new meds can also be a little confusing on the system....

Be proud of yourself! You are doing a lot, and all of those women are learning because of your dedication and commitment. Have you decided if it is indeed a job that you would like to transition to?