"A new comedy about guys with one tiny problem"

[IrmaJean]

It would give you the chance. You have no chance when you don't try. Things won't improve if you don't try.

I feel that I want to fight for you, but you won't fight for yourself.

Think again of the question how does it serve you not to try?

[TNext]

LE,

Have you ever considered just dating women, but resisting the tendency to get intimate? Just to formulate a deep bond with a woman, and become close close friends, while prolonging intimacy? Grow the relationship based on your emotional connection, and only then begin to tackle the other issue?

Eventually she'll ask "what's up? why aren't you initiating sex?" and just tell her that you had some bad experiences in the past, and prefer to take things really slow. If she's ready to move on, then that's that. If she's still interested and becomes concerned about you and your feelings, then she'll probably be compassionate about your situation.

I've faced humiliation just like you, and went to college with a clean slate to only have it blow up in my face again. I was finished with it, but then heard this one very attractive girl liked me. We weren't intimate immediately, and get this -- when we eventually did get intimate she wanted to measure me. I knew she'd dated a well endowed guy before me so I realized she wasn't requesting, because she thought I was big. I was humiliated by her request -- I realized this was blowing up in my face again. I told her 'no way.'

But surprisingly she continued to like me, as if nothing was the matter. Just like that, my entire world changed. She was like a Godsend. If it was an issue to her, she never let me know about it. I was literally walking on water for a few years. We had our ups and downs, which included cheating once on her part, but we got married, and we remain soul mates. I love her to death, and I know she loves me as well.

None of that would have ever happened had I let the previous incident shut me down and used it to throw in the towel on relationships for evermore.

You're already miserable, so how bad can risking it really make it at this point? In some ways you have nothing to lose, because you're expecting the worse, bracing yourself for the worse, and perhaps you'll stumble upon your soul mate instead.

I think the crucial element for this entire issue is anxiety -- fear of further humiliation. In some ways it's like PTSD. When something so devastating, so tragic happens to you, and more than once, you go to lengths to avoid ever experiencing it again. It's a natural response, but unless you try and work around it, it will definitely ruin the rest of your life.

Anyways, just my two cents for whatever it's worth.

[lifeless existence]

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[lifeless existence]

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[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

Guys, the negative thoughts are swirling again. I know, Lifeless, that you want to express your feelings, but I'm concerned about things turning to a place for everyone to commiserate. I don't think this is helpful.

I know I am a bit of a sheltered girl, but I would never want to have sex on a first date. What is that all about? I would want to really get to know someone very well, trust them, build up very slowly to intimacy. Not all women focus on the physical. I know I am only one voice on here, but I am genuine. There are caring women out there who wish for a deep, emotional bond. Don't count yourself out, guys.

[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

I didn't mean your feelings, Lifeless. I know there are other men out there who share your feelings. What I meant is not wallowing in the misery or losing sight of what is positive. The balance between expressing your feelings and letting them swallow you. I'm emotionally tired right now. I apologize if this is coming out wrong. I care about all of you. I hope you know that. I hope everyone has a peaceful night (or day if it's daytime where you live).

[nearlydead]

OK, perhaps I am pushing the "positive" thing a little to hard.

Agreed, most women expect sex or at least the man to make a play for sex within the first 3 dates or so. The longer you leave it the wierder she thinks you are, the more awkward it gets.

Both of you have dated girls for 1-2-3 or more times who you have not made any attempt at sex with. These girls have then dumped you both and moved on. Both of you have then made the decission that they moved on because you did not try or that you are small.

Could it be that the girls moved on for other reasons, such as you both having smelly feet, bad breath, dirty nails, rotten teeth, greasey hair, no money, lisp, humpback. Could they of picked up on your nervousness and interpreted it as wierdness, lack of confidence, poor conversational skills, could you be boring?

Im not saying your wrong, Im just saying there are alternative views that are worth exploring. Especially if you're blaming your size as the reason why the girls walked without seeing it or telling you outright.

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[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

H and I dated for 4 months before we did anything physical, aside from kissing. We've been married for over 20 years now...

Going to bed now really.

[nearlydead]

Its all about fear. We all have our indivdual fears, and we all seem to suffer from some fears common to all of us.

Some fears can be dismissed with examination, some can be lessened by changing perspectives, some can be overcome with courage. None can be overcome without action

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[nearlydead]

You have planned a way to confront your fears and have acted on it. good for you, I wish you success. You will have as much sex as you can handle, learn from it, hopefully you'll find your cure. I admire your efforts to move forward Just wish I was going with you.

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